- In her latest column about Aunt Pain, bestselling author Jane Green offers candid advice to a woman whose transformation has destroyed a friendship.
- Do you have a question for Jane? Email dearjane@mailonline.com or ask below
- READ MORE: My wife thinks I’m cheating – just because I made a lifestyle change
Dear Jane,
I’ve been the chubby friend most of my life. And I say that without any grudge; in fact, it’s something I’ve enjoyed for years. I had a pretty great sense of humor and luckily became the funny one in my friendship group.
It may sound like a cliché to some, but entertaining people made me so happy. Having people laugh with me, and not at me, made me so happy.
I may not have been the pretty one, or the skinny one, but I never really cared. And I formed an incredible group of close friends in high school and college, and none of them ever made me feel like I was the “big one” among them.
Dear Jane, I’ve lost 50 pounds after some serious medical issues—and while many of my friends complimented me for it, my best friend has completely turned on me
About a year ago I was diagnosed with some health problems and had to undergo some pretty serious surgical procedures, while also making some big lifestyle changes – cutting out a lot of food, stopping eating alcohol for a while… you get the idea.
As a result, without trying, I began to lose weight.
Remarkably, my role in my friendship group changed. Suddenly people were complimenting me on how great I looked, how much weight I had lost… and the whole thing made me so uncomfortable.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane agony aunt
Here they were praising me for something over which I had absolutely no control, and which was actually just the result of a serious health problem.
But there was one friend in our group—the person I would have said was my best friend—who seemed to seriously resent my weight loss.
Suddenly she started making fun of me at every available opportunity… whenever someone complimented my weight loss, she would make a snide comment like, “Oh, if only we could all have surgery and lose weight,” as if I had had liposuction in instead of major surgery.
She doesn’t answer my texts anymore, will never hang out with me one-on-one, and to be honest, I’m done with her.
I’m devastated that this could really end our friendship, but I don’t know how I can forgive her for being so mean when all I’ve done is support her?
Should I just shut her out for good or should I try to explain my side?
By,
Feeling small
Best feeling small,
Please don’t be devastated by the end of this friendship because this is not how a true friend behaves.
True friends are not threatened by someone else’s transformation; in fact, they cheer and support them. True friends don’t make snide comments, nor do they “ghost” or stop answering text messages without explanation.
It’s incredibly painful to be treated this way by someone we thought was a good friend, but jealousy is always a deal breaker, and this behavior smacks of jealousy.
There is absolutely nothing you need to forgive her for. Leave her alone and know that you deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you, and who treat you with kindness and respect.
Never go after people who treat you poorly, no matter how much you think you can excuse that behavior by looking at their own childhood trauma or damage.
The bottom line is that you deserve to be treated well, and you should let go of the people who are unable to do so.