Dear Jane,
I have worked as a flight attendant for a major airline for the past four years and it has given me the incredible opportunity to visit so many amazing places.
Honestly, I can’t imagine a better job.
But as with everything in life, with the ups come the downs… most of which I can handle. The crazy schedules, the meager pay, even the constant distance from my friends and family – none of it is horrible enough to make me reconsider what I do.
The only thing that’s really proving to be difficult is the impact my job has had on my dating life.
About a year after I got the job, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me because he no longer felt like he was a priority and he didn’t want a “part-time girlfriend” who would never be there again. Although I look back now and realize that the relationship was doomed from the start for a number of reasons, I could never really get those complaints out of my head.
I took some time to regret that relationship and started dating again about two years ago. And it has been a disaster.
Dear Jane, I scored my dream job as a combat commander four years ago, but it has completely destroyed my love life and I don’t know what to do
I’ve used every app you can think of, I’ve tried asking friends and family members to set me up on blind dates, and I’ve tried my best to make real connections when I get the chance to go out… but nothing seems to work.
Due to the nature of my job, it’s basically impossible to set a date or time when I’ll actually go out with someone, and every time I get the chance to meet someone in person, it feels like I’m hitting the road right away. -to-back trips that leave me unable to see them for weeks.
I’m 32 years old, and I’m panicking because it’s getting too late for me, that I’m going to become one of those lonely women who foolishly devoted everything to her work – only to be all alone at that age. of 50.
But if I were to quit my job just because it might help me find someone… isn’t that also a decision I’ll regret forever?
This whole thing is making me start to hate my job; where before I would have been overjoyed to be traveling somewhere far away, I now get a pit in my stomach and worry about how long I’ll be gone and how much I’ll miss while I’m there.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane agony aunt
How can I find a happy medium?
By,
Fool first class
Dear First Class Fool,
It sometimes feels rare these days to hear that someone loves their job as much as you do, so let me start by saying how lucky you are that you couldn’t imagine a better job.
What struck me most when reading your letter is that you don’t seem to have the right balance between work and private life.
No matter what our job is, we will get into trouble if we let that job take over the rest of our lives. Whether it’s the constant traveling as a flight attendant, or sitting at home all evening working from our laptops, it’s crucial that we find the right balance.
From what I understand, flight attendants have a choice about how much you work, making a ‘bid’ on your work schedule each month. Before submitting your application, you decide where you want to go and how many hours you want to work.
It seems to me that you don’t have the right balance, and unless you commit to working fewer hours and visiting fewer places, it’s not just your romantic life that will suffer. All of our relationships require work, whether they are friends, family, or romance.
And you have to find fulfillment in life, not just at work, to attract someone new.
My best advice is to work fewer hours, find a part-time job close to home if you need to supplement your income, and focus on your friends and family, and most importantly, your own happiness.
Whether this looks like taking up new activities or hobbies, starting classes or volunteering, you need to create a life that is full on the ground.
Dear Jane,
I’m a single mother of a 25-year-old who is struggling to find her way in the world – and I just don’t know how to give her the push she needs to become more independent.
My husband died very suddenly when my daughter was 15, and his death left us both devastated, but also brought us even closer together.
We were fortunate that my late husband made sure we would be very well taken care of for the rest of our lives, but it’s now starting to feel like that financial safety net is making my daughter even more reluctant to choose a life path.
She chose not to go to college, a decision I didn’t fully understand but supported nonetheless, and I had hoped she would find a job that would fulfill her instead. Or at least gave her purpose.
But instead, she’s spent the last seven years taking on and then dropping odd jobs off and on, without really approaching anything with any enthusiasm or motivation.
She still lives at home, receives benefits from me and has never had to take on any form of adult responsibility. I know it’s partly my fault for supporting her all these years, but I now fear that I’ve destroyed her chance at a real life.
I want to be as supportive as possible, and I would hate to lose our close bond, but I also don’t want to be the reason for her complete lack of responsibility.
Do you think there’s any way I can nudge her without completely cutting her off?
By,
Overbearing or overprotective
Dear Overbearing or Overprotective,
Please hear me when I say: stop giving benefits immediately. I understand your guilt over your husband’s death when she was so young, but as you discover, you are not doing her any favors.
I know how hard it is, but our job as parents is not only to love our children, but to raise them to emerge into the world as independent, self-sufficient adults. It’s time for your chick to fly the nest, and I encourage you to support her on her journey to independence.
This means that you no longer pay her this surcharge. This will force her to get a job if she wants to continue enjoying her life. Once she has a job, I would move the pendulum further by applying for rent. She is old enough to take responsibility for her life, and the longer you prevent that by giving her everything she needs, the more you clip her wings.
A close bond is nice, but you will soon notice that you are not only hindering her life, but your own as well. You’ve given her more than enough cushion, and lifting the allowance is the first step in pushing her out into the world. Give her a period in which she can find her own home, and stick to it.
This will be hard for you, Mom, but keep at it. Nothing is better than seeing your children flourish in the world on their own. It’s good for you, and especially necessary for her.