Dear Jane,
I’m afraid my wife has accidentally joined a cult.
She has never been the most confident woman and she hasn’t had many close personal friends in her life. But that’s something she’s really worked to change in recent years.
As part of that effort, she joined a local “self-help meditation group,” thinking it would be an easy way to interact with other people without having to actually have a conversation.
That was six months ago – and now she spends almost all of her time with this group in their ‘clubhouse’, the personal home of the ‘organiser’. It’s a remote farm with a lot of land… and somehow he convinced my wife and the other members of this so-called meditation society to donate thousands of dollars to help him renovate it.
My wife keeps telling me it’s an investment for a friend, and that he’s promised to pay them all back, but honestly I’m really starting to worry.
Dear Jane, my wife has joined a self-help group. She says it’s the best thing that could happen to her, but I’m terrified it’s actually a cult
When she’s not working – which seems to take up a lot less time these days – she’s on this farm. Recently she told me that her “organizer” had them all doing manual labor on the property, moving piles of dirt, mowing lawns, and even laying bricks for a new structure.
She always comes back from these ‘meetings’ with a big smile on her face, which is great to see, but it worries me how much time – and money – she spends here.
She recently let slip that some of the other members were in open relationships with each other and that’s what really pushed me over the edge.
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I don’t want to seem dramatic, but this sounds like something out of a Netflix documentary and I’m terrified that the next time she comes home, she’ll tell stories about animal sacrifices or reveal that she’s about to move to this farm for good.
I’ve tried to broach the subject with her a few times but she always gets defensive and asks why I want to take her friends away from her when she finally feels like she belongs for the first time in her life .
I even asked to attend meetings with her, but she said she was afraid my “bad energy” would “disrupt the balance of their meetings.”
How can I show her the bright light of day here?
By,
Unconscious cult
Dear Unconscious Culty,
You’re absolutely right to have been pushed over the edge, and I’m so glad you’re now seeking advice.
The fact that your wife donated thousands of dollars – with only the seemingly vague promise that she (and everyone else) will be reimbursed – was your first red flag. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it does seem like there is something fishy going on with this group.
Meditation is a wonderful thing, as is finding a caring community close to where you live.
But once money comes into play, and concerned partners are deemed to have ‘negative energy’ if they dare to criticize what is going on, not to mention that they stay away from the ‘clubhouse’ are held, it seems to be following the script of a cult.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your wife.
The problem with these types of organizations is that they have both charismatic and authoritarian leaders, at least for the people caught in the web.
I’ll never understand the appeal of NXIVM’s Keith Raniere, who branded female followers and claimed to have one of the highest IQs in the world, yet always talked trash and seemed like a complete dork.
These people are experts at brainwashing their followers through isolation, hierarchy, and closed groups that outsiders cannot infiltrate unless they drink the kool-aid, so to speak.
This is already happening to your wife, and unfortunately, with the group now starting to isolate her from you, I imagine she will soon be isolated from anyone else in her life who is wondering what this group is doing.
The best advice I can give is that you contact the experts because once someone is involved in a cult, he or she needs to be professionally deprogrammed. There are many resources online, and my suggestion to you is to get the experts involved as soon as possible, to come up with an action plan to get your wife back.
I wish you so much happiness.