DEAR JANE: I’m so jealous of my mother’s amazing life that I did something terrible to try and ruin her marriage
Dear Jane,
I’m so jealous of my mother that it’s ruining my life.
It sounds dramatic, but it’s all I can think about and the obsession seeps into every aspect of my life.
Three years ago my mother met a younger man in the supermarket where she worked. He was 40 at the time and she was 52 – they are now happily married and she is the most spoiled woman I know.
She was always slim and beautiful, but now she wears designer clothes from head to toe and spends her days playing tennis and working out, while her husband gives her a huge allowance, which is more money than I earn in a month.
He makes more than enough money to support both of them, so she no longer has to worry about working a day in her life. Instead, she can simply enjoy living in their beautiful country home, where she never has to lift a finger, or flying out on one of their many trips abroad.
Dear Jane, My mother has a wonderful life – and my jealousy of her is tearing my own life apart. How do I get over this once and for all?
I should be happy for her. I know that.
And I also know that she has done nothing wrong here. I should be happy that my mother has found happiness with a successful, generous, handsome, intelligent man who is so in love with her. But the truth is that I can’t stand how happy they are.
When I’m with her, I feel miserable about my own life. I’m single, I’m overweight, I struggle with money – and I despise the fact that she has everything I want. When we’re out together, I see people looking at her with envy and admiration – even lust – and it makes my blood boil.
Every time I’m with her, I think about the things I’m missing in my own life.
I’ve even said some really nasty things about her to my husband in an attempt to break them up, but every time he just smiles at me and tells me to mind my own business.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane Agony Aunt
It seems so unfair that he fell in love with my mother instead of someone his own age, but no matter how hard I try to ignore these feelings, eventually the anger boils over and I want to scream.
How can I stop this unhealthy obsession?
By,
Daughter in despair
Dear daughter in despair,
The problem with jealousy, and with all other bad feelings like resentment and envy, is that letting them fester is like pouring yourself a bottle of poison and expecting the other person to get sick from it.
The only person you are harming here is yourself, and that is no way to live. There will always be people who are better off, richer, who have an easier life than you, just as there will always be people who are worse off.
The only way to get out of the toxic jealousy you feel is to shift your focus to gratitude. No matter how much you think your life sucks, I encourage you to focus on the things that work, that are good, that bring you joy.
In fact, whenever you notice a negative thought about your mother pop into your mind, I would encourage you to immediately think of three things you are grateful for.
Science has proven that gratitude can change lives, especially when we are programmed to fall into negativity.
Find a therapist who can discuss this with you.
This kind of jealousy never leads to happiness. I suspect you need help on your journey to gratitude for what you do have and choosing to focus on the blessings instead of the burdens. Both lead to a happy life.