DEAR JANE: I’m a 26-year-old virgin and my mother has offered to pay a prostitute to have sex with me… do I accept?

Dear Jane,

I have searched online but could not find anyone else in a similar situation. I hope you can help me.

I am 26 years old, have a job and many friends, but I still live with my parents so I can save some money.

Everything is normal, except… I’m a virgin.

As a teenager I had a few ‘girlfriends’ but we never got further than kissing. As I got older, something always seemed to get in the way.

It’s not that I’m not interested in sex, quite the opposite. But I’m shy and whenever we’ve been out to bars and clubs, my more typical ‘macho’ friends always seem to barge in and get the girls.

That means I haven’t been practicing much for the past few years. And in the midst of a busy work schedule and other stresses, it feels like I blinked and am almost 30!

Of course I can’t talk about it with my friends. The older I get, the more embarrassing it is that I haven’t had sex.

It also means I don’t try to date anymore: I’m terrified that if I meet a girl I really like, I won’t know how to please her.

Some of my friends are even starting to talk about marriage. And honestly, I’ve already come to terms with the fact that sex probably won’t be part of my future.

That was until last week. See, my mother and I are very close. I consider her a friend and she knows that I have never been with anyone.

The other day, out of nowhere, she brought up the subject and asked if it bothered me. I confessed that I would like to try sex, but I don’t know how to find the right person – someone I could be vulnerable with.

Then she shocked me. She said if I was that worried about it, she could pay someone to stay with me. My birthday is coming up and she said it could be an ‘early present’!

I thought she was joking. But she was serious. She said she could definitely help me find someone if that would make me happy.

I’m really conflicted. On one hand I want to do it badly. But would the whole thing make me feel dirty?

I want to get rid of it as soon as possible, but this feels like a strange way to do it.

Do I accept her offer, or do I remain a resigned celibate woman and accept that sex is not for me?

By,

Confused Virgo

Dear Confused Virgin,

I am so glad that you wrote to me and had the courage to share your situation with me. It is not as unusual as you might think.

International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column “Agony Aunt”

While I don’t blame your mother for trying to help you, I’m afraid I don’t have a good feeling about this suggestion on her part. I also don’t think your mother has anything to do with your sex life.

As nice as it is that you consider her a good friend, there are still certain boundaries and topics that you leave undiscussed.

You wonder if you’ll feel dirty paying for sex and you find the suggestion odd—but maybe your mom’s involvement contributes to that.

While it may not be a popular opinion, I believe that sex work in an environment that is safe for all parties can be positive and seems like an excellent idea in this scenario.

If you think it will give you the confidence to go out into the world and form relationships on your own, then it seems like you already know what you want to do.

But your mother doesn’t have to be a part of this decision. You can find all the information you need online, and I encourage you to build a life outside of home so that you have other friends to turn to if intimate problems arise in the future.