DEAR JANE: I won $1 million in the lottery and took my family on a five-star vacation to celebrate – they called me SELFISH because I didn’t give them all CASH

Dear Jane,

I was lucky enough to win a significant amount of money in the lottery a few months ago: just over $1 million.

Unfortunately, in today's world, that's not nearly enough to get me to retire anytime soon, but it's enough to ensure that I won't fall on hard times.

I tried to keep the win as quiet as possible, having heard all kinds of horror stories about past winners suddenly running into old acquaintances from high school who reached out asking for a handout, but I did tell my direct family.

I also wanted to share the wealth with my loved ones, so to speak, so I planned a luxury vacation in the Bahamas for all thirteen of us, complete with flights and a villa that I booked and paid for with my winnings.

The trip was great – but towards the end it started to feel like some of my relatives were expecting… more? They kept asking if I had any “big surprises” planned for the end of the trip, or if I was planning on doing something “over the top” to round out the vacation.

I took them all out for a nice dinner, but I felt like I had done more than my share by paying for the vacation in the first place?

When we got home I got an email from my aunt, which I thought would be a thank you message, but instead she revealed that she and some of my relatives were 'angry' that I didn't share the winnings with them shared in a more 'generous' way, essentially suggesting that I should have given them all cash.

Then my brother called me and said that he thought it was quite “selfish” that I had shoved my new money in their faces on this trip and that it wouldn't have been better for me to just give them all the money so they would doing. I don't have to feel 'guilty' for being on a trip I paid for.

He also mentioned that a number of them had expressed similar grievances while we were away because they 'expected' me to give them all money to end the holiday.

I'm really angry, I mean I spent tens of thousands of dollars taking them on vacation and that wasn't good enough? Part of me wants to cut them all off for good with a tap of the bird, but then this guilt creeps up inside me and I start to think maybe they were right?

Should I send them all in cash for Christmas and just be done with it?

By,

Hat to wealth

Dear wary of wealth,

My mother always used a phrase that immediately came to mind when I read your letter: No good deed goes unpunished.

I completely understand why you're angry. You did something nice for your family, and instead of gratitude for an unexpected treat, they want more, which doesn't say anything particularly nice about them.

Because you are wary of wealth, you are under no obligation to share your money with anyone. Imagine that one of the family members receives an unexpected bonus at work. Would the rest of you demand your share? I do not think so.

You've got a windfall, and it's yours, fair and square. Good Lord, people are their own worst enemies, aren't they? Nevertheless, know that money does strange things to people, and often brings them to light in the worst case scenario.

You certainly don't owe your family anything anymore.

If you let them prey on your guilt, you'll continue to give everything away, and honestly, there's nothing to feel guilty about. You've already done your part.

If they keep asking you for money, tell them you put it in a trust (which is an excellent idea).

You all enjoyed the luxurious holiday. Don't make the mistake of living like a drunk millionaire or you'll end up back at square one. Get a financial advisor who can tell you how best to protect that money so that it doesn't slip through your fingers or through the fingers of your family like sand.

Dear Jane,

I am a lesbian in my mid-twenties and have a relatively large following on social media. Most of my content is about sexuality and being gay, so I think it's safe to say it plays a pretty big role in my life.

But a while ago at a meeting I met a guy who does some work as a video editor. He knew who I was and thought my content was cool, and he even offered to help me with some projects, which I happily agreed to because we seemed to get along well.

We exchanged contact details, started talking regularly over the next few weeks and quickly became good friends.

He's a naturally flirty and charming guy, which I thought was kind of sweet at first, but over time I started to get into him a lot more than I ever thought I would.

He seemed to share my feelings, and eventually, after meeting at his house one day to work on some stuff together, we ended up sleeping together.

Now I'm not sure what to do… he's a great guy and I really like him, and he likes me too, but being a lesbian is such a big part of who I am – and also my job – so I'm not sure how getting into a relationship with a guy could affect all this?

Any advice is appreciated!

By,

Social media mess

Dear Social Media Mess,

If sexuality is a continuum, which most people seem to agree on, then some degree of fluidity is to be expected.

Of course, there are plenty of people who are on both sides, straight or gay, but many more people are somewhere in the shades of gray.

They are usually attracted to a certain type, whether male or female, and then, as you discover, are taken by surprise.

I understand that this is more challenging, as you make a living as a public lesbian, but the message of openness, of courageously putting yourself in a situation you never expected, of how to resolve it, and the challenges that entails brings is important.

I suspect the honesty about this will appeal to many. For many people, sexuality is fluid. What attracts an audience, whether on social media, in books or in movies, is the truth.

People lean toward authenticity and truth, and while you don't owe your followers anything, it's important to be honest about the change, how you feel about it, and the issues that arise.

I urge you to take your followers with you on your journey, remembering that it doesn't matter who you love, but that you love. I wish you good luck.