DEAR JANE: I refuse to lie to my kids about Santa and NEVER buy them gifts at Christmas – my family says I’m EVIL but I just want my children to grow up in the real world

Dear Jane,

Every time this time of year comes, I am filled with a sense of dread. Not because I hate the holidays, but because I know that I will eventually face terrible judgments and criticism from those around me for the way I treat my children during the holidays.

I've never let my kids believe the whole lie about Santa Claus – I think it's stupid.

Ever since they were old enough to understand what Santa Claus was, I've told them that he's not a real man, that he's a symbol of Christmas for some people.

My decision to tell my children the truth about 'Santa' was made for a number of reasons. First of all, I don't think it's right to lie to children and create a foolish fantasy that will inevitably be shattered and leave them heartbroken.

But I also don't want my kids to think that Christmas is all about presents, like so many kids do.

Instead, I have always raised them to view this time of year as a time of gathering with family, performing acts of service, and spreading joy to others. And you don't have to spend large amounts of money for that.

I don't buy my kids gifts at Christmas, and my husband and I don't expect anything from them either, unless it's something homemade that they want to share with us.

I then take all the money I save on gifts and such and put it into a college fund for them. That seems like a much better use of my income than frivolous gifts!

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Yet other people seem impossible to understand this point of view. I've been called a 'Scrooge', told I'm 'evil', and even my own relatives have accused me of 'bullying' and 'abusing' my children by 'forbidding' them from having a real Christmas .

I'm not trying to rob my children, I just prefer to keep their feet on the ground and their heads out of the clouds so they can understand what it means to live in the real world, rather than in a world of fantasy and excess. -the best editions.

How can I show my loved ones that I am not a Scrooge, but just a realist?

By,

Bad Santa

Dear Bad Santa,

It's very difficult to go against the grain when raising children in today's world.

There is so much judgement, so much expectation, and if we don't do what everyone else does – give the kids too many plans, feed them a steady diet of chicken nuggets and pizza, or shower them with extravagant gifts at Christmas – then we are made to feel we are the odd one out, as if we are doing something wrong.

I speak as a huge Christmas fan. I love everything about it, and for many it is a magical holiday, all sparkling lights, Christmas tree farms, hot chocolate and friends and family around a fire.

For you it's slightly different, but just as important.

There's nothing wrong with no Santa Claus and no presents. What you do instead is actually quite beautiful. I'm always a little in awe of people who spend Thanksgiving and Christmas serving and, as you put it, spreading joy.

I would completely ignore what other people say and continue to celebrate in the way that is right for your family.

If family members continue to make derisive comments, ask them not to talk to you like that or you will have to leave. And then hold on to that firmly. No one needs to be bullied by anyone for choosing a different route, especially not by family.

Your children are fortunate to have parents who have their values ​​firmly in place. Happy and cheerful everything to you!