DEAR JANE: I found something disgusting hidden in my boyfriend’s underwear drawer… But am I in the wrong for invading his privacy?

Dear Jane,

I had a very unpleasant experience at my boyfriend’s apartment and I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend and I were introduced last year by a mutual friend and have now been happily together for 11 months.

Our relationship has always been so easy and I really felt that he was ‘the one’, but something happened recently that made me question everything.

My boyfriend told me he found the perfect surprise gift to celebrate our first anniversary.

But I hate surprises. So one morning, while I was alone in his apartment and he was at the gym, I started snooping around to find the gift.

I know this sounds awful, but I was dying to know what the gift would be and I needed some inspiration to think of what to get him in return.

I started rummaging through his underwear drawer and came across a stack of photos.

I really thought I had hit the jackpot. I assumed he would make me a scrapbook or frame some of our favorite photos together… but no.

The pictures were of his EX-girlfriend…NAKED!

At the very bottom of his drawer was a whole stack of nude photos of her, held together by a rubber band.

My initial reaction was shock and devastation. I had been cheated on in a previous relationship and this incident brought back all those heartbreaking emotions.

After I put the photos back, I tried to rationalize the situation.

He has always been a great partner and has never given me a reason not to trust him.

Moreover, I only came across the images because I had violated his trust by snooping through his things.

What do you think, Jane? Should I try to forget that I ever found the photos? Or should I admit that I violated his privacy – but demand an explanation?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated,

Detective in underwear drawer

Dear underwear drawer detective,

It appears from the opening of your letter that you are in a healthy and happy relationship.

So first of all congratulations! What you have together seems like a rare gift in this modern age.

As for cleaning up, we all know that curiosity kills the cat. Curiosity is not a sin.

While I completely understand how confusing it must have been to discover nude photos of your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, having old photos, even nude ones, does not mean he’s cheating. It doesn’t even necessarily mean he still has feelings for her.

But neither of us knows for sure, and you won’t know until you talk to him.

If I were you, I would approach him with a little embarrassment and explain that you were overly excited about the “surprise gift” he supposedly picked out for you. Then you can tell him what you found and ask him about it.

Don’t ask for an explanation, as that will likely provoke nothing but anger.

Tell your boyfriend that you feel insecure because he has naked photos of a girl he once had a crush on.

Then listen to his explanation and try to speak to him with an open mind.

It’s entirely possible that he doesn’t even remember the photos are there. I honestly would never throw away personal photos of someone, nude or otherwise.

I would probably just save the photos somewhere and not think about it anymore.

Be receptive and calm so that he feels safe enough to give you an honest explanation.

He probably just kept the photos as a memento of someone he once loved… and then completely forgot he had them.

Dear Jane,

I am a lesbian woman in my mid-twenties with a relatively large social media following.

Most of my content is about sexuality and homosexuality, so I can say that my identity plays a big role in my life.

A while ago I met a guy at a gathering who does some work as a video editor, he knew who I was and thought my content was cool.

He offered to help me with a few projects, which I gladly accepted as we seemed to get along well. We exchanged contact information, started talking regularly over the next few weeks and quickly became good friends.

He is a naturally flirtatious and charming man, which I really liked at first.

But over time I became more and more interested in him, which was a big surprise for me.

It seemed like he shared my feelings and eventually, after we went to his house to work on some things, we ended up in bed together.

Now I don’t know what to do anymore.

He’s a great guy and I really like him and he likes me back, but being a lesbian is a big part of who I am and my job.

I’m not sure how getting into a relationship with a man would affect all of those things.

Any advice is appreciated,

Lesbian in love

Dear lesbian in love,

A major problem in today’s world is how quickly and easily we label everything.

Whether we’re talking about our gender, our sexuality, our race, or our religion, being labeled can make us feel like we belong to a tribe.

It can give us a sense of peace to know that we are not alone, especially in an increasingly isolated world where we spend a lot of time in front of screens.

As you will discover, the problem with labels is that while they can be comforting, they can also be limiting.

Just because you’ve identified as a lesbian for years doesn’t mean you have to live as a lesbian your entire life.

In fact, as American sexologist Dr. Alfred Kinsey explained, sexuality is a spectrum — a spectrum used to describe a person’s sexual orientation at a given time. The key phrase here is “at a given time.”

The spectrum is fluid and people may find their sexuality changing, just as you seem to be finding it now.

And what a cool thing, as an influencer, to be able to talk about this on your platform! I guarantee you’re not the only one experiencing this.

I’m sure your followers would appreciate it if you share this all the joys, pleasures, fears and insecurities you experience when you suddenly find yourself attracted to a man.

You might even gain more followers if you share this journey honestly and sincerely.

As I said before, it’s not who you love, it’s who you love.