DEAR JANE: I drunkenly did something unforgivable in my roommate’s bed. Do I have to come clean?
Dear Jane,
My roommate and I are relatively close. She’s not my best friend, but we watch TV shows, cook together, and often go out with each other’s friends.
Last weekend she was on vacation and I decided to have a group over to our apartment for drinks before going to a bar.
But before we left it got quite rowdy and everyone was very drunk.
One of my friends decided to change outfits at the last minute and we went to my room so she could borrow my clothes.
Dear Jane: I drunkenly did something unforgivable in my roommate’s bed… Should I be honest?
While drunkenly undressing, she tripped and spilled her full glass of vodka-cranberry all over my white sheets.
It looked like a bloodbath and everything was so sticky. But there was no time to do laundry, so we all left and I planned to clean up the mess when I got home.
Fast forward to the end of the night: I was very drunk and ran into an ex of mine at the bar.
I suggested we go back to my house, completely forgetting about the vodka-cranberry incident.
So when I got home and remembered that my bed was still soaking wet, I had to make a quick decision.
To my shame, I decided not to make my ex wait a few minutes while I changed the sheets – and instead took him to my roommate’s bedroom.
You can guess what happened next…
When I woke up the next morning with him next to me, both naked, I immediately regretted it.
My roommate is a real neat freak and she would be disgusted if she knew what I had done.
I considered washing her sheets, but she has a very specific method of cleaning her bedding and will notice when I do the laundry, then be suspicious and I will have to explain what happened.
She’s coming back from vacation soon and I’m afraid she’ll notice someone else has been sleeping in her bed. I’m horrified at the thought that I would unknowingly let her sleep in the bed I had sex in.
Should I keep quiet and hope she doesn’t realize it, or should I be honest and risk our relationship – and her trust in me?
By,
Sex magazines
International bestselling author Jane Green provides sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column about Aunt’s agony
Dear sex magazines,
Do the damn laundry. You can’t possibly leave unclean sheets for your roommate to come home.
As a rule, I hate lying. However, there is a way to avoid giving away the whole story. But you have to tell her something, because – believe me – she will know.
The simplest explanation can omit certain details without being false.
Leave out the fact that you slept in bed with someone else and that you were naked (which might tip her over the edge).
We all do stupid things while drunk, and your roommate may be a neat freak, but she’s also human and certainly understands that everyone is fallible.
If you mention that someone else has slept in your bed, her first question will be whether or not you’ve had sex. Instead, simply explain that the glass of vodka cranberry spilled, that you forgot to clean it up and crashed in her room when you got home because you were too drunk to change the bedding.
It can be nice to add her favorite flowers or chocolate to your explanation as a further apology, and tell her it won’t happen again.
And honestly, it should not happen again.
I don’t know your age, but I’m guessing you’re in your twenties, given the string of accidents, all fueled by alcohol.
So allow me to give you some advice: If you’re old enough to live in an apartment with a roommate, you’re old enough to understand that your roommate’s room is private and you shouldn’t have gone in there while they was gone. for whatever reason.
That was a huge violation of her trust, with or without the whole “sex in her bed” situation.
Expect her to be upset, make sure you apologize plenty and when you tell her this will never happen again, mean it.
I also want to briefly address a throwaway line in your letter about waking up naked next to your ex and immediately feeling remorse.
I don’t know if that regret was due to sex in your roommate’s bed, or because you had sex with an ex. Either way, this situation is a wake-up call for you to examine the consequences of binge drinking.
As fun as these crazy nights may be at the time, the consequences – whether casual affairs, potentially unprotected sex or betraying your roommate – can be costly.
It is much better for you to prevent these types of situations before they start.