DEAR JANE: Every man I’ve dated has had the same disgusting habit… but they’d never admit it

Dear Jane,

I’m starting to notice a pattern with the guys I date, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m attracting disgusting men.

You see, my current boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch watching TV the other day when he took off his bare feet and started picking at his toenails. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he threw his hair on the carpet and didn’t clean it up. Luckily we were at his house and not mine. I haven’t always been so ‘lucky’.

My previous boyfriend picked his nose in my bed, and even though I yelled at him every time, he kept ‘forgetting’ and kept doing it.

I’ve definitely seen all the guys I’ve dated choose themselves at least once.

I’m too embarrassed to bring this up with my girlfriends because I’m afraid they won’t relate to it and they’ll think my boyfriends are dirty and associate the boys’ poor hygiene with me.

Is this normal boy behavior? How can I make him stop?

By,

Taken away

Dear Pick-Off,

By anyone’s standards, I’d say this is pretty bad behavior.

I’m not going to say that all men bully themselves, but I do believe that most men will behave as badly as their partner allows them to.

When it comes to picking your nose in bed, “forgetfulness” is definitely not an acceptable excuse. But if your worst reaction to his “forgetting” is to yell at him, you’ll have to come up with something else.

International bestselling author Jane Green provides sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column about Aunt’s agony

It’s a bit like yelling at children. We may think this is the way to get people to do what we want, but in the long run all they hear is noise and it doesn’t make any difference.

Boundaries are the key word here. Tell your boyfriend that the next time he takes off his socks and litters your house with toenails (I feel a little sick just thinking about it), he’s going to have to leave. If he does this again, (which he inevitably will), stick to your gun and make him go away.

Maybe you can turn the tables on him (although this is rather devious). Leave your hair in the bathroom sink or shower drain. If he complains, explain to him that you normally practice good hygiene, but if he doesn’t, why bother.

You need to enforce something that makes him understand that his behavior (not listening to you or respecting your wishes) will result in something unpleasant, like being kicked out of your house in the middle of the night or a messy bathroom.

Call it the Pavlovian dog training method. Ivan Pavlov rewarded dogs with food after ringing a bell. Over time, the dogs began to salivate at the sound of the bell. In a similar way, you can train your friend to recoil at the thought of bullying himself.

Conversely, if he is wise enough to keep his feet covered (which I think is best), I’m sure you can come up with an appropriate way to reward him that will cause so much joy that he will behave in the future .