DEAR CAROLINE: Why doesn’t my 31-year-old son have any friends?

Q Our lovely son, who has just turned 31, has no friends or girlfriend. He still lives with us, although he is saving to buy his own house. I have encouraged him to join clubs to meet people, but that has not worked. He does not seem sad or depressed about it, although last week when we took him to dinner for his birthday he was grateful because he said it was better than a table for one. This is the only time he has talked about being on his own.

When he was younger, he didn’t have many friends, but that didn’t stop him from going to university, where he got a first in an academic subject. There he was diagnosed with dyspraxia and dyslexia. He wanted to continue studying, but failed when he couldn’t find a job to pay for his studies.

He is close to his sister but she is married and lives many miles away. I had hoped he would see more of his cousins ​​who live nearby but they are married and have busy lives. He now works for the government but doesn’t socialize much outside of the office. I have spoken to him about his use of dating apps although I doubt he has done anything about it. I find it heartbreaking but it doesn’t seem to bother my son. Am I worrying too much?

a It’s so hard as parents to see our children struggle. Unfortunately, some people find it hard to make friends. You say your son doesn’t seem sad or depressed, but he did acknowledge that he would have felt lonely on his birthday if you and your husband hadn’t been there. So it might be worth asking him directly.

Is there anything you can think of that might be preventing him from making friends? For example, does he have social anxiety? Sometimes people talk way too much when they are anxious or nervous. Others might think they have to impress by talking about themselves or their accomplishments, when in fact the best way to make friends is to listen to the other person and show interest in them.

I also wonder if your son could be autistic. Dyspraxia and dyslexia can be an indication of this, as can isolation due to difficulty fitting in. People with autism spectrum disorder can often be loyal, honest, kind and funny – so they are great to have as friends. However, they often have difficulty ‘reading’ people and the constant struggle to figure out what others are thinking can make it hard to form deep friendships.

Contact the National Autistic Society (autism.org.uk) and Ambitious About Autism (ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk) for more information. Your son may also benefit from counselling (via relate.org.uk or bacp.co.uk), which can help build his confidence to expand his social network.

I wasn’t invited to my mother’s funeral

Q I have a loving wife, children and grandchildren, but I have a difficult relationship with my original family, who has caused me to feel marginalized and angry after my mother’s death. My mother was always close to my sister, but I was the one doing all the heavy lifting when she needed help. My wife said I was being used.

Many years ago I was injured in a serious accident and after a few weeks my mother wanted my help as usual, which I could not give. She never called back or asked how my injuries were. My wife was shocked. A few years later a friend sent me the local newspaper. My mother’s name was in the ‘In Memoriam’ section, with a message from my sister thanking the people who had attended her cremation three weeks earlier.

I was never informed about it. I have not seen my sister sinLike this.

a It must be terrible to hear of your mother’s death in this way – and not to be able to go to her funeral. Your longer letter shows that your sister has always been difficult and your mother selfish. Her reaction after you were involved in an accident is devoid of motherly love.

But it is important to emphasize that your mother did not abandon you because of something you did wrong or because of a mistake you made, but because of her own failure and inability to love. Sometimes this is because of damage in one’s own past. Perhaps her parents were not capable of expressing love.

I also think your sister was jealous. You can’t change the past, but remind yourself how loved you are by your wife and children – and take comfort in that.

If you have a problem, please write to Caroline West-Meads at YOU, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk You can follow Caroline on X/Twitter @Ask_Carolinand_

Caroline reads all your letters, but regrets that she cannot answer each letter personally.