Dawn French got emotional when she opened up about her father's death when she was just 19 years old.
Denys French suffered from depression for years and tragically took his own life in September 1977 at the age of 45.
In a new BBC documentary about her career with comedy partner Jennifer Saunders, Dawn, 66, broke down in tears as she reflected on her loss.
The actress revealed that she was unaware of her father's illness as he had kept it a secret from her and her brother Gary, telling them that he suffered from headaches and had to lie down occasionally.
She said: 'I grew up with a man who was completely happy and cheerful most of the time and then had 'migraines' at home, where Dad was asleep and the curtains were drawn and you just had to be quiet.
Dawn French got emotional when she opened up about her father's death when she was just 19 years old
Denys French suffered from depression for years and tragically took his own life in September 1977 at the age of 45 (pictured with Dawn)
In a new BBC documentary about her career with comedy partner Jennifer Saunders, Dawn, 66, broke down in tears as she reflected on her loss
“But I didn't know that because then he could come out and be completely happy again.”
Speaking about his death, Dawn said it was 'shocking and horrible' and left her reeling and 'angry'.
She recalled: 'A grenade went off in our family, it was shocking and terrible, it was the worst thing you could imagine.
“And I was furious and angry and just dripping with sadness and shock at that age.”
However, Dawn said that as she grew older, she learned from her mother the fear Denys had suffered and came to “forgive.”
She became visibly tearful and said: “As I grew up I began to understand the terrible, hellish situation he was clearly in, the struggle he had fought for so long and you forgive it.”
Dawn said Denys had been a huge source of confidence for her and always built up her self-esteem.
She said: 'Being a little fat girl can put you in a really big crack in your self-esteem. I think he knew instinctively that I needed armor.
The actress revealed that she was unaware of her father's illness as he had kept it a secret from her and her brother Gary, telling them that he suffered from headaches and had to lie down occasionally ( photo in October)
Speaking about his death, Dawn said it was 'shocking and horrible', but as she grew older she learned from her mother the pain Denys had suffered and has come to be 'forgiven'.
'I remember he stopped me on the way out the door and told me I was beautiful and that I should appreciate myself. That's why I always thought I was worth something.'
Dawn has previously spoken about her father and admitted that his death made her question her own mortality.
Appears on the Happy place podcast from 2018, she said, “Until recently, I think I always thought I wouldn't make old bones.”
She added: 'Being 19 and losing your father, I thought, 'Oh God, we might not live that long.'
'So I took every opportunity I could, but I was conscious of thinking, 'I've got to get old enough to at least grow my daughter into her twenties and then she'll be able to cope without me.' set.”
However, Dawn said she soon realized how damaging those thoughts could be.
She said: 'I was thinking about it that way, which is ridiculous. It may have something to do with losing my father so early.
“You know, thinking that life is a little bit fragile and can be a little bit temporary. And we have to take that into account.'
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Dawn said Denys had been a huge source of confidence for her and he always built up her self-esteem (pictured in 2018)
Dawn has previously spoken about her father and admitted his death made her question her own mortality (pictured in 2016)