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Danielle Laidley didn’t touch an illicit drug outside of ‘a bit of pot at school’ until she was 48, but just two years ago she was in such an ice-fuelled nosedive that she came very close to taking her own life.
Today, the transgender woman who was once known as Dean Laidley, AFL player and coach, is living a happy, clean and content life -but it almost all came crashing down in 2020 when she hit rock bottom.
Laidley during a reunion for North Melbourne’s 1996 premiership ahead of the AFL Round 21 match between the North Melbourne Kangaroos and the Sydney Swans at Marvel Stadium
Laidley had smoked crystal methamphetamine – better known by its street name ice – for eight straight days. On the ninth, she planned to end it all.
‘I was at such a low point in my life,’ she told the Herald Sun.
‘I had been smoking ice for about eight or nine days, I hadn’t been to sleep. I had been planning it for a while, a few months. I just thought I was at the front of the queue.
‘So, I overdosed on GBH, which knocks you out if you have too much … It was the banging and gasping for air, and my flatmate sort of got through the door, got hold of me, and … yeah, I’m still here.’
It wasn’t the first time that a confused, lonely and self-confessed ‘mentally insane’ Laidley had attempted to end it all.
‘The other time, I overdosed on sleeping tablets. That was just after I finished in the AFL – I think 2016,’ she said.
‘The first time was just a case of depression, you know. I did it without any thought.
‘The second one, I was very lucky. I’d always thought about it often, through my whole life, really, on and off when I got into a bad spot, but I could stick my head into football and everything would go OK.
‘I have to say, I was always scared of the … I don’t know … the 10 or 15 minutes before I’d set everything up and I was always scared of starting the act.
‘This night, I have to say, I was mentally insane.
‘I was ringing people, going off, and, yeah, I did it. I was completely insane and I look back now and that person wasn’t me.
‘I didn’t want to leave the world but I just thought this position I’d got myself into, there was no way out.’
Laidley is speaking out about her past and her new present to share her story with AFL fans
Laidley admits addiction has never been her friend.
While the illicit drugs arrived late to the party, 151 games at West Coast and North Melbourne as a player and 149 top level coach at the Kangaroos had masked how serious an issue addiction was.
When people say players or coaches are addicted to the game, it usually a throwaway compliment.
Former North Melbourne player Laidley is named Kangaroos coach in 2002 before transition
For Laidley, an obsession with the sport masked a deep-seated issue with addiction.
She got addicted to her work with football but when her career in the sport ended, she felt lost.
‘All of a sudden there was a void of not being attached to a tribe. You’re by yourself, which was the first time in my life that had happened to me. I was 48 then,’ she recalled.
Laidley is pictured after being released from prison following her arrest in 2020
Even when Dean began to transition to Danielle, she admits she would deliberately take higher doses of hormones. Everything became an addiction.
Then, as Laidley wrestled with her gender identity, the vicious addiction to ice took over.
Reality set in on the fateful night of her arrest when her mug shot photos were leaked to media and she was strip-searched at a St Kilda police station.
Laidley, pictured with her partner Donna, is living a clean and happy existence in 2022
Now, Laidley has successfully completed rehab, quit drugs completely, reconnected with family, accepted her identity in public and found happiness with her partner Donna.
It has paved way to a new addiction to living and loving her genuine self.
‘Life is great. I remember telling someone that life’s going to be worth living now. I’m going to get fulfilment now being me, and I get that every day now,’ she said.