Comedian Zoe Lyons reveals her blind spot when it comes to pensions

Zoe Lyons was heralded as one of Britain’s brightest comedians 20 years ago when she won the 2004 Funny Women Award, writes Dan Moore.

Since then she has kept live audiences across the country laughing and has delivered memorable performances on shows including QI, Mock The Week, Have I Got News For You and Live At The Apollo.

Zoe, 53, lives with her long-term partner Sindy in Hove, East Sussex.

Her first job after York University, where she studied psychology, was as a waitress to pay her way through drama school in London. Next year she’ll be hitting the road with her comedy tour, Werewolf.

What did your parents teach you about money?

The problem was that my father, who was a chemical engineer, was very reluctant to talk about money. I remember asking him how much he made, but he never told me. It wasn’t that I could get more out of him, I was just really trying to gauge how much you need to survive. My mother, who had worked several secretarial jobs over the years, always said, “There’s money here if you need it,” but I could never find out how much it was. Was it a fiver, £500, £5,000?

I grew up with my brother Fintan, who is now a project manager for BP. My stepfather came along when I was ten. He was a bank manager, but it turned out he wasn’t very good with money.

I think he was impressed with money, but not the best with money.

He worked for the Bank of Scotland and invested all his money in their shares, then the bottom fell out of the market and he lost everything. What I learned from him was to hedge your bets.

Have you ever struggled to make ends meet?

When I started doing comedy in 2003 and started making money. It was hand-to-mouth for a number of years. I had no plan B. I got paid £15 for my first gig, which made me think, ‘There’s gold in those hills’. That’s how desperate I was.

You would take anything offered to get stage time. I remember being paid £100, which was quite a lot of money, but it was in Plymouth. I had to drive there, get gas, buy a sandwich and on the way I got flashed by a speed camera, so I think I made minus €5. There was a lot of it, a lot of it just floated.

Have you ever been given stupid money?

A few years ago I got some fun money, not crazy money, but fun money to do infomercials for the travel company Tui, and they flew my fellow comedian Mark Watson and me to Jamaica for a week. That was one of those jobs where you say, ‘This isn’t bad, is it?’ I’ve had a few over the years, and they come out of the blue. In this case, my agent called and asked what I was doing on Friday. I said the Comedy Store in Manchester, and she asked if I wanted to go to Montego Bay instead. I said, ‘Yes, okay.’

What was the best year of your financial life?

Probably 2022. I had a few big TV jobs, including the BBC2 quiz show Lightning, which boosted the box office. I also got pretty good at doing corporate work, which changed the landscape significantly. It gave me the freedom to choose what I did so I didn’t have to do the weekend clubs and the track. Traveling started to bore me and I was constantly exhausted, so I am forever grateful.

I think there was a snobbery among comics about it for a while, saying it wasn’t real comedy, but I ran with it. I’m quite motivated by money and have come to the conclusion that if I got good at these things it wouldn’t hurt me financially.

The most expensive thing you bought for fun?

I stupidly bought an old Porsche Boxster for £12,000. It was basically a midlife crisis. I quickly realized that this old Boxster wasn’t going to make me happy, so I sold it and bought another for £27,000. It was fun, but I came to my senses and got rid of the second one too, even though I miss them like long-gone relatives.

What is your biggest money mistake?

I had a real blind spot when it came to pensions, which is strange because I’m pretty good with money, finding the right Isas, mortgages and so on. But for some reason I went into a black hole when it came to pensions and didn’t have one for years. I have one now of course, having started about three and a half years ago, so my biggest money mistake was not seeking financial advice.

Best money decision you’ve made?

Five years ago, I took out a mortgage with a five-year term at 1.4 percent. It still makes me chuckle because the interest I paid is nominal. The intention is that if we renew in April, I will be able to get rid of the mortgage.

Early days: Zoe in 2011

Do you have any other properties?

No, just our flat in Hove. We have lived here for twelve years and moved from London twenty years ago. I live very close to Hove station so I will be in London in an hour, the sea is at the end of the road. The South Downs are about a mile away behind us.

I think I’m very lucky because a lot of the things I like to do are free, but there’s also so much culture happening here. It’s gotten a bit stupid and expensive now with a lot of people moving post-pandemic, but we’re not planning on moving. Our philosophy on real estate is to have a very small footprint so we can go out and do fun things.

What is your number one financial priority?

Make sure we don’t die in poverty! My attitude towards money has changed over the years. Now it’s about having enough. Owning our condo is a huge thing, as is having that pension and being a little more financially literate than when I started.

I recently held a corporate event for Women in Finance, and we discovered that we were never taught about finance in school. I find that very interesting and sad, because if your parents don’t talk about money, investments, future and planning, where are you supposed to learn that?

We find talking about money a bit dirty in this country. My brother lived in the United States, where they talk about money, and the young people there are very knowledgeable about money matters. So my top priorities are to stay informed and financially independent.

• Tickets for the Werewolf tour are available from zoelyons.co.uk.