Comedian and Love Actually star reveals he ‘fell into a hole’ during his ‘toxic’ porn addiction as he details his journey to recovery

Love Actually star Marcus Brigstoke has revealed he ‘fell into a hole’ while battling a ‘toxic’ porn addiction.

The actor and comedian, 51, who played radio DJ Mikey in the 2003 film, shared his difficult journey to recovery in a candid interview.

In conversation with presenter Ben Branson The hidden 20% In the podcast, Marcus revealed that despite overcoming previous battles with drug and alcohol addiction at the age of 17, he underwent a ‘very, very dramatic’ body change, losing 13 stone in nine months.

But it was after the demise of his first marriage to Sophie Prideaux that his addiction to porn came to the surface, with the couple splitting in 2013 when it was revealed he had had an affair with co-star Hayley Tamaddon.

He said: ‘So I was just carrying the mass of that with me, and it had led to a lot of very dysfunctional behavior that I denied.

“And so I had stayed sober through drugs, alcohol and my compulsive eating disorder, but I had become addicted to porn. And I honestly had no idea I was addicted to it. You know, I actually thought I was watching a normal amount of porn.

“Today’s normal amount of porn is not the same as a normal amount of porn. Well before the internet.

“So the addicts who have a porn addiction now, most of them were addicted from the age of 11 to something that no one knows about, that changes the chemistry of your brain.

‘Like changes your brain chemistry profoundly. And you don’t have to approach anyone to get it. And there are so many people with different levels of porn addiction. But porn is the most toxic and it changes a lot of young men.

‘So that had all happened a bit underneath and it was this, this hole that I had fallen into and that had been a very acceptable addiction for me.

‘No one knew about it, I wasn’t particularly ashamed because it didn’t hurt anyone. And that’s what men do.

‘Because listen [I thought]I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs. I am careful with food. And I’m on tour a lot, right? I’m alone in hotel rooms, I’m not a creep here.

‘You know, I’m alone. And then, you know, I go on my phone or whatever, and then there’s daylight and I’ve been looking at it all night. For the whole night. And you think: who is that, what kind of life is that?’

‘And the answer is simply not the answer I want. So I stopped. Yes, I stopped and had it, it was such a relief. It was such a relief when I went to get help for it, I didn’t expect to never look at porn again.

‘That wasn’t the reason I was there. And when that was first suggested, I was like, ah no, come on, I have this list of things I don’t do.

‘And after four months I thought, oh, I feel so much better. My brain has clarity. There’s a peace in it, and I’m not ashamed of it, you know.”

When asked why he decided to speak publicly about his addiction, Mark added: “So when I first recovered from my addiction, I was very young, but I didn’t know there was anyone else like me.

“I didn’t know there was anyone else who had, for example, eaten food out of garbage cans, who had stolen from people they loved and close to them, and who looked them straight in the eye and said, no, no.

“And when you give them the look that says, ‘It’s so hurtful that you ask me this, and you’re such a bad person for asking me about something we both know I did.’

“So when I went to recover […] And you go and you cry and you go and ‘I ate out of a trash can’ and someone went, yeah, me too. And you think: what?

“And then you realize that keeping things secret, I mean, for addicts is just going to mean death. It literally kills you. I’ve known so many friends who have gone back there and back there, meaning they’ve gotten back into their addiction.

“And they died. It killed them. So I learned when I was very, very young to be open where it’s appropriate. I learned a little too late, where not to be open, where it is not safe or wise.

“And so I learned that it’s very important that you need secrets from the world, keep your things. You know, he says, talking about being a porn addict. But I mean, whatever.

“There’s so many guys who need help with that thing, and the only reason I’m willing for people to say, ‘Urghh, what a dirty w*****’ is because I really hope that someone listening to this goes , I sometimes look at things and don’t feel good afterwards, and then I get help because [you should] feel good, you deserve it.

“So this thing about not having a lie standing between you and everyone who matters to you has become essential to me.”

Marcus has also previously shared that when he was sent to boarding school at a young age, his struggle with overeating first began to manifest, but doctors dismissed his concerns.

In a 2011 interview he said: ‘If I’m honest, I still feel that way some outrage about that. There is one especially a doctor, an expert on food disorders, which would referee fights between my parents and me.

‘They were be called to school forever when I was caught doing outrageous behavior. This man threatened to bandage my jaw closed. He would say, ‘You see, Marcus, the The problem is that you’re so damn fat.”

‘Did he think I didn’t know that? I lay in bed in my dorm and packed for pieces of my body that they want to tear out.’

In 2013, Marcus divorced his first wife Sophie after it emerged that he had cheated on her.

Sophie Brigstocke discovered her husband of 12 years was cheating a month after he wrote an enthusiastic first-person piece in a national newspaper, enthusiastically describing his family life.

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