Co-op gave me my husband’s ashes, but inside the box was another man’s name: SALLY SORTS IT

Last summer my estranged husband died suddenly. As surviving relatives, it was left to me to arrange his cremation, which I did through Co-op Uitvaartzorg.

When I opened the box with the ashes on the day of the planned scattering, I found paper with another man’s details on it. The shock was indescribable.

Whose ashes did I have and what hope did I have of making things right? Anon.

Sally Hamilton replies: The letter you sent me shows the extent of the upset you and your four adult children have endured following the death of your husband and the gross mistake over his ashes.

You told me how one day you met your husband in town for the first time in a long time and agreed to meet for a cup of coffee. When he didn’t show up, your instincts told you something was wrong, and you went to his flat where you tragically found him dead, which was later confirmed to be from natural causes.

As surviving relatives you had to vacate the flat and settle debts.

In the midst of this stress, you arranged his cremation. With little money, the Department for Work and Pensions agreed to pay the £1,195 bill to the local branch of Co-op Funeralcare, with a contribution of just £300 – the balance remaining in your bank account man stood.

The arrangements were delayed because you were told by Co-op that the bill had not been paid, while DWP insisted that it had. Weeks passed until Co-op confirmed the bill had been paid and the cremation took place in September.

When you collected the ashes, they were supposed to be in a box in a bag with your husband’s information on it.

You made plans to scatter his ashes at sea, as he wished. It was only on the day of the planned scattering that you opened the box to take out the bag and discovered the paper with another man’s details on it.

After a series of calls and texts to Co-op, you requested a letter confirming whose ashes you had. The branch manager, you said, refused to accept liability and asked you to return the ashes personally.

It involved a 120 mile round trip by car. The staff took the piece of paper with the other man’s information and told you that the ashes you received were your husband’s.

Unconvinced, you left and asked to put this confirmation in writing. Some time later you received a letter – unsigned and undated – offering compensation of £200. You were furious and felt unable to scatter the ashes until you had more certainty.

By the time we spoke, you had filed a complaint through the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), which runs an impartial complaints service. In the meantime, I have asked Co-op Uitvaartzorg to give its side of the story. It said that the ash you had received was certainly the correct one and that an administrative blunder was responsible for the wrong piece of paper ending up in the box.

A spokesperson said: ‘We have robust procedures in place for the identification, care and return of ashes. A thorough investigation was conducted and on this basis we have assured your reader that the ashes she received were those of her late husband.”

The ‘robust procedures’ consist of printing a label from the deceased’s digital records, which is applied to the outside of the incinerator. After cremation, this label is placed on a biodegradable bag containing the ashes.

A second label with the name of the deceased is then placed on the box in which the ash bag is placed. Finally, a cremation certificate is placed in the box, which also contains the name of the deceased. Co-op said it records the ashes when they are received and generates another label, which is placed in the box and only removed once the ashes have been collected. It was at this stage that things went terribly wrong in your case, with a Co-op employee filling in the wrong paperwork.

The spokesperson said: ‘Due to an administrative error, a label was incorrectly placed in the box containing her husband’s ashes. We are deeply sorry for the distress this has caused.”

Nevertheless, Co-op insisted that the ash box contained the three identification tags with your husband’s name. It was added that since you had requested the return of all metals from your husband’s body and coffin, these were supplied in a separate bag in the box, bearing his name and cremation number.

You remain dissatisfied even after the NAFD dispute resolution agency’s findings accepted Co-op’s explanation. For the sake of your mental health, six months after your husband’s death and after my intervention, you have now decided to reach a settlement. Co-op came back with an offer of £750 compensation, which you accepted. You now plan to scatter the ashes.

I understand why you feel restless. There can be no absolute proof that the ashes are his. DNA testing would not clear your doubts as they will be destroyed by the heat of cremation.

Many relatives will be concerned about this story and, like me, hope that the funeral industry does its utmost to prevent such mix-ups.

It may be small consolation, but Co-op confirmed that ‘retraining and education has taken place to ensure all necessary lessons have been learnt’.

I’m at the end of my rope with the NatWest card chaos

On November 19, 2022, my husband used his NatWest debit card at the ChangeGroup ATM at North Terminal, Gatwick Airport, to withdraw £200 from our joint bank account. The outside of the machine said withdrawals were free, but when the request to continue came there was a transaction fee. He canceled immediately.

Within a minute his phone pinged and said £200 had been debited from our account.

My husband called ChangeGroup and was told they could see an error that would be fixed. It’s been over a year now and the money is still not in our account. Please help.

DL, Castletown, Isle of Man.

Sally Hamilton replies: You turned to your bank, NatWest, to get the missing money, but got nowhere and found yourself at the end of your tether. I asked the bank for more efforts and within a few days an employee contacted you directly.

He apologized profusely and arranged to refund your £200.

Interestingly, he was from the fraud department, suggesting the bank suspected foul play somewhere, but provided no further explanation.