Expert reveals the one thing to avoid saying during the festive season – and why you should consider ‘presence’ instead of ‘presents’ Christmas Day

Christmas should be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’.

Spending time with friends and family and sharing the excitement of children as they race outside to see if Santa has arrived.

But it’s not great for everyone.

There is financial pressure, the pressure to be ‘perfect’ and uncomfortable questions from family members.

Heart on my sleeve founder Mitch Wallis, 34, has shared his top tips for staying healthy over the holidays and the one thing not to say on Christmas Day.

“People don’t want to leave Christmas believing they are less than others had hoped,” Wallis told Daily Mail Australia.

He said people should avoid the phrase ‘It’s Christmas – you have to be x, y, z’, adding that people ‘don’t have to be anything’ and should be free of expectations.

The mental health expert also suggested some ways to survive the holidays.

“For me, Christmas is New Year’s Eve, but with an audience in the stands,” he said.

“Given the timing, we are forced to reflect on the year and where we are in our lives and talk about that with people who are likely to judge us.”

Mr Wallis said Hollywood has given us a false image of what Christmas should be like.

“In reality, for a lot of people, it’s usually a show that we dread because it reminds us of the parts of ourselves that we’re trying to forget,” he explained.

Financial pressure

Mr Wallis said Aussies are under significant financial pressure this year.

The mental health expert has asked his family if December 25 can be a “presence” rather than a “present” Christmas amid the current cost of living crisis.

He urged Australians to express their gift expectations ahead of the big day and assured the majority of people would likely be “relieved” by the news.

But what about the kids who expect to wake up on Christmas morning and discover that Santa Claus has delivered a mountain of presents under the tree?

Mr Wallis said it was more about making long-lasting memories than counting presents as he reminisced about a memorable Christmas Day.

“I woke up and there were scattered carrots in the living room, a half-drunk glass of milk on the porch, and a bite had been taken out of the cookies. The magic and the aliveness that my father did to make me feel was something beyond human… that’s all,” he said.

“I don’t remember any gifts, but I do remember that memory.”

Mr Wallis gave parents who may not be in a financial position some advice on how to give their children the Christmas they want.

“Don’t turn that feeling into a story, that ‘I’m a failure’ and ‘my children will resent me.’ Let that pass because it’s just a snapshot,” he advised.

Uncomfortable questions

Mr Wallis said a good way to deal with uncomfortable questions from family members is to brainstorm in advance all the things that could potentially trigger you.

“Spend ten minutes asking yourself what questions or actions might bring out something in me that I really don’t want to deal with that day,” he said.

‘Because if we haven’t thought about this in advance, sometimes we will over-react or under-react.’

He says a good response to ‘Why don’t you have a partner yet? would be, “It’s just not something I’m focused on right now, but I appreciate that you care about my love life.”

If they persist, Mr Wallis suggests they say: ‘This is not something I really want to discuss here. Tell me something exciting happening for you in your life?

‘Because if you shoot back, Christmas will become hostile. It will bother you even more next year. It’ll put everyone in a bad mood.’

Dealing with grief around Christmas

Mr Wallis has one simple message about how to deal with grief at Christmas.

‘Keep them alive. Keep missing loved ones alive by talking and sharing memories. It’s incredibly cathartic,” he said.

‘Don’t be afraid to feel sad at Christmas. You don’t want to avoid it, nor do you want to get stuck in it. You want to feel it and let it pass through you.’

And if you support someone who is grieving?

“Don’t be afraid to hold that with them. You don’t ruin their day. You make them remember who they miss the most. And that is a gift,” he said.

Lonely at Christmas

For those worried about feeling lonely at Christmas, Mr Wallis recommends volunteering at a local food bank or doing an act of service.

“The purpose will give you a bigger hit of dopamine than any gift could ever do, and ideally the loneliness will be overshadowed by the feeling of contribution,” he said.

Beyond blue: 1300 22 4636

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