A single mother has warned women to stay safe when meeting men on dating apps after making a ‘terrifying’ discovery.
Carly Sophia, from Sydney, planned to have a drink with a man she was talking to on a dating app and decided to Google his name because she was ‘worried’ about the encounter.
After discovering his last name, her search turned up “pages” of news articles about the man accused of sexually assaulting a woman after a night out.
The 34-year-old said the search left her “confused” because her interactions with the man “didn’t raise any alarm bells.”
The incident prompted her to share her top tips that her female followers can use to stay safe while dating.
Carly Sophia (pictured) Googled the name of the man she planned a date with and discovered ‘terrifying’ details about an alleged sexual assault
The mother-of-two said the man she messaged on the app looked “nice”, had “kind eyes” and seemed like an “ordinary man from the Inner West”.
“He had a cute dog. Cool job. We had mutual friends. The same band shirt from the same tour. Both love animals. Wore the same type of vans,” she explained on Instagram after.
“This man hasn’t raised any alarm bells at all.”
It turns out that predators aren’t just men walking down dark alleys with knives. They don’t look unhinged and they don’t talk to you creepily.’
Feeling a little anxious about their upcoming date, Carly decided to quickly Google him to reassure her.
‘And HOLY. F***ING. S***. I’m glad I did that. News articles. Pages of it. Accused of raping a woman after a night out,” she said.
“Needless to say, I’m fucking RATTLED. I felt like throwing up all afternoon. Especially because it turns out that predators are not just men walking through dark alleys with knives. They don’t look unhinged and they don’t talk to you creepily.’
Carly gave her “most important” dating advice for women to follow so they stay safe and don’t fall victim to predators lurking on apps.
The 34-year-old said the search left her ‘confused’ because her interactions with the man ‘didn’t raise any alarm bells’
“Because your chance of getting killed is small, but never zero,” she warned.
“One in five Australian women have been victims of sexual violence, and 58 percent of all femicides worldwide are committed by an intimate partner.”
First, Carly said you need to “master the art” of sharing information about yourself and details about your life without making yourself easily discoverable.
‘When you first start chatting, simple things like your neighborhood and what you do for work may seem like an innocent introduction. but in the wrong hands it is a major safety issue,” she said.
‘I like to say that I live ‘close’ to a particular landmark – a place of public interest with about eleven surrounding suburbs. Keep it nice and vague.’
Secondly, Carly said that you should never reveal any kind of routine to someone you are chatting with.
Carly gave her ‘most important’ dating advice for women to follow so they stay safe and don’t fall victim to predators lurking on apps
First, Carly said you need to “master the art” of sharing information about yourself and details about your life without making yourself easily discoverable
Carly said you should never reveal any routine to someone you’re chatting with and that you should know someone’s full name if you’re using an app that encourages the use of pseudonyms
‘You like the same café, that’s fine. Just don’t be tempted to excitedly exclaim, ‘I get my coffee there every morning!’” she explained.
“Having things in common is a good indicator of compatibility and great for starting a conversation, but oops, you don’t have a stalker.”
Carly recommends requesting the person’s details as soon as the chat transitions to possible real-life encounters.
“I openly ask to share their social media handles without mine, just to see if we know the same people,” she said.
“When we do that, I message the person I’m closest to and ask about the team. Women, if that’s possible.’
She said women are more likely to understand that she is messaging them for her own safety, without calling her “crazy.”
Some dating apps allow users to join with a nickname or pseudonym which can protect their privacy, but Carly said to ask for a first and last name so you can do a thorough Google search for it.
“These days EVERYONE exists online and any man who isn’t comfortable giving you his most basic details before meeting you is not who he says he is or has something to hide,” she said.
Carly said that if the person you’re talking to on an app is a stranger, you should always meet in public places and never go anywhere private during or after the date.
“NEVER go to their house, have them pick you up in their car or have them come to yours,” she said.
Carly said that if the person you’re talking to on an app is a stranger, you should always meet in public places and never go anywhere private during or after the date
“Don’t go back to their hotel or to a ‘house party’ or ‘friend’s house’ again afterward unless you want your drink spiked.
She said if a man doesn’t respect those boundaries, it’s a “monumental red flag.”
Carly said another way to stay safe on a date is to let trusted friends know where you are.
“Tell a friend the name of who you’re meeting, where you’re going, and change the location as the night goes on,” she suggested.
‘If you have an iPhone, you can use the FindMy app to enable location sharing. I permanently share my residence with two of my single best friends and they share theirs in return.
Finally, the cautious singleton said to always “go out” during a date so that you can remove yourself from a situation that you suspect is unsafe.
“You show up and they’re shy, or the place is sketchy, or you don’t feel like it, or it just doesn’t feel right,” she said.
“Make sure someone calls you in advance at a certain time, and fake a situation so that if you want to go, you now have a reason to leave.”
Carly said she would like to voluntarily call one of her followers if they feel unsafe on a date.