Bye, Bye, Bye, Tipsy Justin Timberlake! Your arrest drove your reputation into a ditch, so just moonwalk away… there’s no coming back from this Driving-While-Idiot humiliation, writes KENNEDY

One-martini musician Justin Timberlake’s eyes were redder than Satan’s in that instantly infamous mugshot taken after he was charged with driving under the influence on Tuesday.

He brings back sloppy!

Now the former Mickey Mouse clubber is engulfed in a widening scandal that threatens to ruin his reputation just like he ruined poor Britney Spears.

And the more we learn about JT’s Driving-While-Idiot arrest, the more it seems like we’re dealing with a washed-up loser who lacks the common sense to know when to stop.

In fact, he’s starting to remind me of another broken-down loser who won’t follow the cue to leave stage left. (Hint: his initials are JRB)

Witnesses at a trendy Hamptons gin restaurant where the 43-year-old was drinking claim the worrying crooner got “wasted” and started sipping another guy’s drink, like a homeless man digging through a restaurant dumpster.

That’s the norm for Joey Fatone’s better half. In 2014, Justin told Oprah that he once downed a bottle of whiskey by himself, and in 2019, the married father and aspiring D-list actor was spotted with actress Alisha Wainwright at a club in New Orleans.

Touchy-Timby, with Fedora in hand, apologized, writing on social media: “I showed a strong lapse in judgment…”

Okay, Bill Clinton.

“But let me be clear: nothing happened between me and my co-star,” Justin wrote. “I drank way too much that night and I regret my behavior.”

Fine, but this is why Mr. NSYNC ended up at N’CUFFS on Tuesday.

Instead of calling a cab or calling his wife Jessica Biel to pick him up — like a high school student who just threw up on his first gin/tequila/vodka daiquiri — Timberlake got behind the wheel of his $100,000 BMW X7.

Police slapped him with the steel bracelets after he allegedly blew through a stop sign, swerved and drunkenly took a field sobriety test.

“I had one martini and followed my friends home,” Tipsy-Flake told the officer, according to the police report.

Right, Justin. And when you showed Janet Jackson’s breasts to all of God-fearing America during the halftime show of Super Bowl XXXVIII, it was simply a “wardrobe malfunction.”

And remember when Britney Spears claimed in her memoir that Justin pushed her to abort a baby she wanted to keep? Maybe now she’ll take a break from knife juggling long enough to caption her next Insta post: ‘Karma’s ab****’.

What made it worse was that the young officer who dragged Timberlake to the little boy apparently didn’t even know who he was!

“This is going to ruin the tour,” JT reportedly muttered under his breath.

‘What tour?’ the officer replied.

HA! Justin and J.Lo need to go out together. Call it the This is us… Remember? tour.

Almost as pathetic are the pseudo-famous journalists who rushed to Timberlake’s defense.

“He is not an irresponsible person. He’s not reckless, careless,” CBS’ Gayle King sniffed.

Not to be outdone, king of the narcissists, Chris Cuomo, lamented the “negativity” of media coverage.

All this North Korean-style propaganda would make White House Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre blush.

She wants Americans to believe that the moments where President Joe Biden wanders, shuffles, sniffs and freezes are just “cheap fakes,” deceptively edited to make Grandpa Joe seem more dangerous than he really is.

But there’s nothing exaggerated about Timberlake reportedly drinking more and getting behind the wheel. And there’s nothing fake about Biden falling asleep like Nana, name-checking dead people and noticing the stairs of Air Force One.

In the immortal words of Don Lemon: Joe and Justin are past their prime.

If these aging icons aren’t given the chance soon, they will only be remembered for the humiliating twilight years rather than the greatest hits.

Hey guys – Bye, bye, bye.

BELICHICK’S 9TH RING?

A newly emerged video showed a nearly naked Bill Belichick, 72, strolling like a Chippendale out of his 24-year-old cheerleader girlfriend’s house.

I know Old Man Foxborough – with eight Super Bowl rings on his burly paw – is a legend in cold Boston, but this is a lot to digest.

Billy’s bulging belly spilled over his belt?

I wonder what this baby brunette sees in him?

She hears wedding bells.

He hears dinner bells.

SPRAY ON AN AIRPLANE

A married couple suffered a spitfire on a flight to Denver this week when an adorable pathogen in the seat in front of them wouldn’t stop blowing raspberries covering their faces with toddlers.

They asked the unruly little monster’s parents to restrain her, but the milquetoast mom said she was powerless to restrain her Spit-zilla.

I never thought I’d say this, but where is Anthony Fauci? Put a mask mandate on that little terror!

HILLARY’S GOLDEN PARACHUTE

Hillary Clinton has officially left her pantsuit period and entered her Moomoo milieu.

America’s first female would-be president graced the stage at the Tony Awards on Sunday in a gold-gilded caftan so large and hideous that a horde of anti-Israel protesters could have camped underneath.

Hillary health monitors have long diagnosed the former secretary of state from a distance, but now they are convinced she has gone blind.

TORTURED DANCER DEPARTMENT

At a recent Eras concert, Seinfeld’s Elaine – aka Taylor Swift – tried to shake it off by gyrating her hips on stage and looked like she was mixing formaldehyde for her own embalming.

Calm down grandma – don’t break a hip!

GOT CAUGHT!

Anti-vaxxer Kristin Cavallari is now receiving criticism from fans for embracing modern medicine.

In 2022, the reality show star told fans she had gotten a breast lift when asked if her assets were real.

But this week, the Laguna Beach alum finally revealed that she had also opted for implants.

Perhaps Cavallari decided that honesty was the policy of the chest.

BOLD DON

Donald Trump reportedly told House Republicans last week that Nancy Pelosi’s daughter had revealed to him that “if things were different, Nancy and I would be perfect together.”

The eldest daughter of the former Speaker of the House of Representatives, Christine, fired back: “Speaking for all four Pelosi daughters: this is a LIE.”

Hey Christine: Your mom seems so corrupt, even Trump wants a piece.