I make a living dealing with assholes. They are usually attached to kind people who seek help for a variety of common problems that cause them pain or shame. Many of my patients are young and LGBTQ+ and need relief from injuries caused by improperly performed anal sex or treatment for anal STDs. But I also often see people of all genders and sexual orientations seeking help for conditions caused by constipation, childbirth, and even poor weightlifting techniques.
I see damage from over-wiping with rough toilet paper, or rashes or fungal or bacterial irritations caused by overuse of wet wipes. I meet people who suffer from hemorrhoids, who are afraid when they see unexplained blood in the toilet bowl. I talk to patients who just don’t feel sexy because of unwanted hair or irregular pigmentation.
Ultimately, one thing seems to be universally true: no one feels happy, healthy, or beautiful if their butt isn’t happy, healthy, and beautiful. So that’s what I do: give people back their happiness, health and self-confidence, one ass at a time.
And since we spend a significant portion of our lives pooping, we need to understand that there is a correct technique for doing so. I call this lesson Pooping 101.
So you’re saying it’s possible to poop… wrong?
Most of us adopted incorrect pooping techniques as toddlers. Western parents generally put their children on the toilet and let them sit there for long periods of time, entertaining them day after day with stories and songs, until they finally succeed! The whole house is happy!
Often the habit of reading on the toilet stuck. Some of you probably grew up with bookshelves or magazine racks next to the toilet. You may have memories of your parents or even co-workers walking into the bathroom with a newspaper under their arm. Even before smartphones, most of us treated poop time as primary reading time. And that’s a problem, because it’s not good for you to spend so much time on the toilet.
I won’t promise you a trophy if you follow my instructions, but I can tell you that if you do, you’ll waste less time on the pot and reduce the chance of developing the complications that can arise from prolonged sessions on the porcelain. throne, namely painful hemorrhoids, swelling and tearing.
What is the correct way to poop?
Here’s what to do: If you feel the urge to go to the toilet, find a toilet, sit down, wait the 30 seconds to a minute it takes for the poop to come out, gently pat your butt clean and dry and go away. the toilet. Don’t forget to wash your hands.
It’s so simple, but doesn’t reflect most people’s habits.
How many times should I poop per day?
There is no hard and fast rule about how often a healthy person should poop; the average number of times the average person poops can range from once to twice a day and three times a week.
However, there is a general medical consensus on how much time a healthy person should spend defecating in the toilet. Once you feel the urge and sit down, it only takes 30 seconds to a minute to poop. If it takes longer, don’t sit down and try to force it.
Remember that any time you apply pressure to that area, you risk injury and discomfort. Don’t spend 30 minutes on social media or checking emails while you wait for the poop to settle. Get up and walk around. Brush your teeth, drink some water or do something else. It may take some time before you feel the urge again, but when you do, immediately return to the toilet and try again. If you can only get a portion out and you still feel the urge but nothing happens, that’s right – yeah, pat – clean up (with paper, not wet wipes, which wash away the protective skin flora), get up and do your thing until the urge hits you again.
What common mistakes do people make while pooping?
The stool needs time to get into the right position and come down through the anal canal. That’s why you shouldn’t try to poop if you don’t feel the urge. Many people try to push out a poop in the morning before going to school or work.
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It is also common for people to use coffee and cigarettes, which increase the production of certain hormones and neurotransmitters that cause intestinal peristalsis (involuntary muscle movements), to encourage their bodies to move the poop down more quickly. This is not a good idea because your body can become dependent on these substances to poop, and they reduce the normal movement of the intestines.
Often, if things aren’t moving as quickly as you’d like, it’s not that you’re constipated – it’s just that the stool hasn’t passed into the rectum yet. However, when you feel the urge, you need to respond to your body’s message as quickly as possible. Each time you hold it, your stool moves up a little and your rectum absorbs some of the water from the stool, drying it out and making it harder to push out when you finally allow yourself to pass. Don’t hold it. For many of you, this means overcoming your reluctance to use public restrooms. Coffee shops and luxury hotels often provide a clean, safe haven.
Some people find that resting their feet on a small step raises their knees and adjusts their pelvis in a way that makes the pooping process much faster and easier. In one study, 90% of participants said they exerted less effort when using a bowel movement, and 71% said they had faster bowel movements. Specially made toilet stools are easy to find at any home improvement store or online. You can also simply place a stack of books under each foot. The extent to which this tactic works may depend on your height, the height of the toilet, the angle of the bowl, and the type of seat you use. It’s also possible that the stool serves as a placebo, allowing you to shit with less pressure and at greater speed simply because you think it is. There have only been a limited number of studies examining how effective toilet stool removal really is, but it certainly can’t hurt to try, and if it works for you, great!
Another way to speed things up is to raise your arms above your head, which lengthens the torso. This helps you breathe more deeply, which relaxes the pelvic floor muscles and releases stool. Achieving that complete relaxation is key. In fact, this is an area where practicing with anal dilators and toys can be extremely helpful for someone who isn’t interested in exploring anal sex. By using dilators and toys, people can gain a better understanding of their pelvic floor and how it feels when it relaxes. This relaxation also stimulates deep breathing.
If none of these tactics speed up the amount of time it takes to poop, the problem may be related to nutrition, diet, ergonomics, water intake, or psychological or neural issues. Western diets are notoriously poor and low in fiber. That’s why fiber supplementation is essential. I recommend a nighttime routine, combined with two large glasses of water. Remember: not all fiber is equal, and the most appropriate type and method – for example pill, powder, tablet – will vary depending on your gut. Introducing a morning routine with pre- and probiotics can also help improve your bowel and bowel habits.
Some may need even more help to relieve constipation. In such cases, oral remedies are a good option (start with stool softeners and then try gentle laxatives such as Miralax and milk of magnesia, if necessary). You can also supplement these with fiber-rich foods and pre- and probiotics, then use anal remedies such as glycerin suppositories and enemas. You can also use all of this in combination.
If you feel like you need to poop and go without relief for more than three to five days, and you’ve tried all over-the-counter remedies, call a doctor.
Ideally, you should use a bidet or take a shower after pooping to clean your butt after you poop, as this causes much less friction on sensitive skin than toilet paper. Cheap and easy to install bidet attachments are becoming increasingly popular – there are even portable ones! – as more and more people recognize the economic and environmental savings of throwing away toilet paper (people often use towels to dry off), but these savings are still not standard in most homes.
If you must use toilet paper, buy the softest material you can afford pat your bottom, don’t wipe.
Extract adapted from Ass Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything in Between by Dr Evan Goldstein. Copyright © 2024 by Dr Evan Goldstein. Reprinted with permission from Balance Publishing, an imprint of Hachette Book Group. All rights reserved.