BRYONY GORDON: Don’t be quick to judge Liam Payne. Addicts are only one drink or pill from disaster, whoever we are

The world is full of addicts. If you’ve walked through a city center in the past week, chances are you’ve passed dozens of them.

I’m not talking about the ‘obvious’ addicts, the ones on the doorstep that most people would rather steer clear of.

I’m talking about the hidden, “everyday” addicts, who go about their business without anyone ever really knowing about their history of drug abuse or alcoholism, the ones who look a lot like you and me, who wear suits, ties, and nice dresses. , who commute to work and put their kids to bed and go out of their way to help others, because that’s what addicts do when they’re on the road to recovery.

Those addicts.

The down-to-earth one.

There’s a lot of judgment involved when a celebrity’s life is cut short due to addiction issues. We saw it last year when Matthew Perry died, and we see it now after the tragic death of Liam Payne, at just 31 years old.

People who are completely oblivious to the reality of addiction pontificate about the events that led to these deaths, and all the ways things could have turned out differently, if only the celebrity in question had perhaps intervened a little, or had received a bonus. good to talk to.

They gape and look down on these people whose pain they know absolutely nothing about.

What isn’t often talked about is the quiet group of people who have known the horrors of addiction and wake up every morning grateful to have survived them. The addicts in recovery, who will have read the reports of Liam’s death with great sadness, probably thinking to themselves, “There go I for the grace of God.” Because the truth is that we are surrounded by people who describe themselves as alcoholics or addicts, while publicly presenting themselves as the upstanding citizens they absolutely are: teachers, lawyers, judges, construction workers, doctors, accountants and, yes, pop stars, who have been able to receive the gift of sobriety and therefore flourish.

As you know, I am one of them. I describe myself as an alcoholic in recovery, having been sober for seven years following a decades-long struggle with alcohol and cocaine.

Like many in recovery, I have empathy and compassion for Liam Payne. We may not have had His fame or fortune (although we recognize that all the fame and fortune in the world will not save you from addiction, but will only sharpen your sense of failure), but we do know the dark places of the One Direction It is said that the star has gone to.

All alcoholics and addicts have had experiences where the outcome of a binge depended on the roll of a dice: our bodies went into the recovery position when we blacked out, or we encountered a stranger who helped us, instead of taking advantage of us. Above all, we all know that sobriety is always fragile, that it is never a given, and that we are just one drink away from complete and utter destruction.

Robbie Williams, of all people, has been one of the few voices of sanity in a sea of ​​confused commentary over the past week.

He wrote on Instagram: ‘I think it’s worth repeating in these moments – we don’t know what’s happening in people’s lives. What pain they go through and what makes them behave the way they do. Before we can reach a judgement, we need to cut some slack… I still had my demons at 31. I relapsed. I was in pain… I remember Heath Ledger coming over and thinking, “I’m next.” By the grace of God and/or dumb luck, I’m still here.”

He’s right. I was 37 before I got sober, after relapsing several times. I couldn’t understand why I kept going back to the bottle. I had everything anyone could want – a lovely husband, a lovely daughter – and yet I seemed determined to destroy everything.

Only through the “dumb luck” of knowing people in recovery could I come to understand that I couldn’t get sober on my own, and that nothing outside—whether family or material possessions—could hold my life back. addiction. Suggesting that someone like me have “just one drink” was like asking someone to find a way out of a life-limiting physical illness.

I am very vocal about my alcoholism, on behalf of all the people who can’t. And there are many people who can’t do that. The Forward Trust is a charity that helps people suffering from addiction – its patron is the Princess of Wales – and last year published surprising research on the extent of the country’s drug and alcohol problems. The research found that almost half of adults in Britain aged between 18 and 75 were dealing with an addiction, either because they suffered from it themselves or knew someone who did. But despite this representing 22 million people, the research found that half of them felt unable to talk to someone about their problems due to the stigma attached to addiction.

The conclusion was stark: shame is keeping vast numbers of people sick, and we are surrounded by people who suffer in silence because they are too afraid to speak the truth about this horrible disease.

And it is a disease. No moral failure, no lack of willpower, no weakness that affects both the very rich and the very poor. This is not the domain of young people, as evidenced by figures released this week, which show that the 30 per cent rise in cocaine deaths is due to an increase in middle-aged users.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate – it can affect any of us, maybe even you right now as you read this. And the sooner we recognize this, the sooner we can help people like Liam, instead of relying on pure dumb luck to save them.

Trust clinic

According to a National Literacy Trust poll, only half of parents read to their young children every day. But I was shocked when a teacher told me that you should continue reading to your children (or with them) into their teenage years. It gives them a sense of security because it is one of the rare activities where they get your full attention. Now my eleven-year-old and I have a “girls book club,” when we read the latest young adult novel she loves. It’s a nice way to feel connected. I recommend it.

Every woman knows what Natalie means

Oscar-winning actress Natalie Portman has opened up about how she finally feels ‘safe’ now in her 40s. Portman rose to fame as a child playing in the film Leon, and says she felt sexualized at a young age. “It’s been liberating to be in my 40s because I don’t feel that threat anymore.”

I don’t think you have to be a child star to understand what Natalie is doing. I remember being wolf-whistled at the age of thirteen, while a man once propositioned me on the way home from school.

But you could never complain about it back then, because it was somehow seen as a good thing to be attractive, even if you happened to be a child. Thank God times have changed – not just for those of us in our 40s, who are no longer publicly watched, but also for our daughters, who will know to make an absolute fuss when it happens to them.

It’s a bit of an exaggeration for Tina Brown to describe Meghan Markle as “the worst judge in the world.” The royal biographer made the comments on a podcast. “She’s unerringly wrong,” said the 70-year-old, apparently oblivious to the fact that publicly bashing women you don’t actually know is in itself pretty bad judgment!

Have you ever felt like life is a little…too much? Bestselling author and journalist Bryony Gordon is here to leave the shame behind and delve into the messier bits of life. Look for The Life of Bryony wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes appear every Monday and Friday.