A bride-to-be has sparked a heated family feud after she refused to let her stepfather walk her down the aisle at her upcoming wedding.
“Are you mad that you didn’t agree to my stepfather ‘giving me away’ at my wedding?” the 27-year-old woman wrote on the infamous Reddit forum r/AmItheA**hole.
She explained that she is tying the knot with her fiancé next year and that she and her family have already thrown themselves into planning.
But a big disagreement has arisen between her and her mother.
A 27-year-old bride took to Reddit for advice after clashing with her mother over whether her stepfather should be allowed to be one of the wedding guests and walk her down the aisle
The woman noted that while the stepfather was a “great guy,” he was never really a father figure to her growing up, as he didn’t marry her mother until she was 22 (stock image)
Her mother is determined that her daughter agree to let her stepfather, named Phil, walk the bride down the aisle with her.
The woman’s real father has never been in the picture, as her parents have been ‘always separated’.
Although she thinks Phil is a “great guy,” Phil and her mother didn’t get married until she was an adult, so technically he wasn’t her stepfather until she was 22.
“It was time for her to find someone and I was glad she wasn’t alone anymore,” the woman wrote of her mother’s marriage to Phil.
“However, I made it very clear that while I would love and respect him as her husband, I would never be my father. More like a family member. To which she and he both said they understood,” she clarified.
When she told her mother she was engaged last year, she stressed that she did not want Phil to take on the role of father at her wedding.
“He can sit with the family etc., but just not fulfill my father’s duties. She wasn’t very happy about it, but that was that,” the women continued.
But now the mother has decided to raise the issue again, claiming it is part of their ‘culture’ for both her and Phil to ‘give her away’.
In dozens of comments, the vast majority agreed that the woman is NTA – an abbreviation for ‘Not The A**hole’
The woman later explained, “In my culture, both the mother and father of the bride give her away. I told my mother I only want her to do that. I don’t want my father because he’s never been a part of my life and I don’t want Phil because I don’t see him as my father.”
The mother replied, “Phil will give me away as her husband, not as my father”—but this reasoning still doesn’t “sound” to her.
The woman’s biological father was invited to the wedding, but only as a guest out of “courtesy,” she later said.
Still, the mother maintained that it would be “very insulting to Phil if he is not given the respect he deserves” in the context of his stepdaughter’s wedding.
“She said I didn’t accept her relationship, that I was making a mess of her life and that it would put a strain on her relationship with Phil and others,” the woman explained.
The woman and her mother then had a full-blown row. The mother even suggested getting married in the town hall, to ‘avoid all this’. The daughter, of course, rejected this idea.
The mother then said that it might be better if Phil skipped the wedding altogether, and the woman told her mother that it was “her decision.”
“I wish he was there, but that’s up to her,” she added.
“We ended the conversation on a bad note and haven’t spoken since. It’s been a few days now.
“I’m very close to my mother because she’s done a lot for me as a single mother and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair that she continues to expect all this from me. While I respect Phil, I don’t want him to be a father at my wedding.”
The woman then asked, “AITA,” which is short for “Am I The A**hole.”
After dozens of comments were posted on the post, the vast majority agreed that the woman was NTA, an abbreviation for “Not The A**hole.”
Wrote one: ‘NTA. I find it very odd that your mother doesn’t see the sensitivities around this. Have you spoken to Phil directly about this? It sounds like your mother is the only one who has a problem with it, perhaps because she feels it devalues her marriage in some way? Perhaps he can help work this out with your mother.’
A second one chimed in: NTA. Your mother and possibly Phil (if he agrees with your mother) are ridiculous. You were an adult when your mother married Phil, so you never saw him as a father figure. Which you made clear to both of them from the beginning of their relationship.
“Phil has been in your life for five years, and you were an adult by then. He deserves nothing less than to be recognized and respected as your mother’s husband, and you do that. Your mother telling you that you should get married at City Hall if Phil doesn’t walk you down the aisle is complete nonsense. You have done nothing wrong here,” they argued.
As a third put it succinctly: NTA, he’s not your father. He’s not a parental figure. Why would he give you away?’
A fourth echoed: ‘This is a completely bizarre hill for her to die on. Why don’t you just refrain from discussing all the wedding details with her for a few weeks, and tell her you’ll make all the decisions, as her only option is city hall? She’ll relent, after a few more tantrums. NTA’
And as a fifth summed up: ‘You were already an adult when Phil came into your life. Her demands are foolish and unreasonable. NTA.’