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A body language expert has revealed the top six signs that you’re dating a narcissist — and it has nothing to do with how often they stare at their reflection in the mirror.
Talking to FEMAIL Dr. Louise Mahler while selfie culture and being obsessed with your appearance seem narcissistic is actually nothing to worry about.
The body language expert says that true narcissists don’t just love themselves – they love a grandiose version of themselves that is very different from reality.
“The love for their inflated self-image allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity,” said Dr. Mahler.
dr. Louise Mahler revealed exactly how to work out if you’re dating a narcissist and how to evaluate if you can stay in the relationship long-term
While relationship expert Dr. Lurve explained that the narcissistic behavior Dr. Mahler was revealed early on as red and pink flags should be seen.
dr. Mahler says narcissists generally have exaggerated or overly dramatic facial expressions, but it can be difficult to spot, which is why it’s important to understand their key traits.
“When it comes to smiling, a narcissist’s smile never really reaches their eyes,” she said.
She added that this is worrying as Australians inherently ‘rely on a smile’.
‘SmileDirectClub rResearch shows that nearly 50% of Aussies think people who smile look warm, and 60% think those who smile are more welcoming. In turn, using warm and welcoming behaviors such as smiling makes it easier for them to take advantage of their partners, especially if their words don’t match their expressions,” she said.
dr. Mahler explained that narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
Narcissists have a great sense of self-importance
“They just want to associate and be associated with other people, places and things of high status and are too good for anything average or ordinary,” she said.
“Many narcissists also show strong signs of superiority over others and come across as the only ones capable of being right.”
It’s important not to argue with a narcissist, says Dr. Mahler, who says it’s always going to get unpleasant because they “can’t be wrong.”
Narcissists take center stage
Narcissists believe they are better than everyone else and, according to the expert, expect recognition and always want to take center stage.
“They will often exaggerate or lie outright about their achievements and talents,” she said.
“When they talk about work or relationships, all you hear is how much they contribute, how wonderful they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them.
dr. Lurve, pictured, warns that many narcissistic behaviors are red flags – and warns that they slip early in a relationship
“Anything that threatens to burst the fantasy bubble is met with extreme defensiveness and even anger, so that those around the narcissist learn to handle their denial of reality with caution.”
She said that people who are “in the shadow” of a narcissist should focus on their own dreams.
“Instead of losing yourself in the narcissist’s delusions, focus on the things you want for yourself,” she said.
Narcissists blame others
dr. Mahler says that while guilt is a classic response from people “in construction,” people who are narcissists go one step further.
“If you ask a builder why a job doesn’t go faster, you’ll quickly discover that it’s your fault that you didn’t order the material or pay the deposit on time,” she said.
adding that this is a learned behavior within a cultural group.
It becomes especially dangerous when you step up a gear.
Narcissists will manipulate you into believing that none of their actions have led to their consequences and will actively work to portray you as the manipulator in a situation rather than taking responsibility.
“Sadly staying true to what you believe in and having the courage to stand up for yourself against a narcissist won’t change their perception, but it will certainly make you love yourself in these situations.”
Narcissists are extremely resistant to changing their behavior even if it causes them problems
Narcissists can be demanding, make a decision and will persevere regardless of the consequences, especially for their partner, she explained.
“Because they see themselves as special, narcissists really believe that what they want, they should get,” she said.
So if you’re with a narcissist, ask yourself if this is the right choice for you. It is important to remember that narcissists are not looking for partners; they seek obedient admirers.’
Exploiting others without guilt or shame
“Narcissists see the people in their lives as objects — there to meet their needs,” said Dr. Mahler.
“That keeps them from thinking twice about abusing others to achieve their own goals.”
dr. Mahler said narcissists don’t think about how their actions affect others because they think they are the only important person in the room.
She said sometimes this is malicious – but more often than not they don’t realize they’re doing it.
“Narcissists just don’t think about how their behavior affects others.”
Often humiliates, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others
“Narcissists feel threatened when challenged in any way,” she said.
“Their defense mechanism is contempt and they put people down. They can do it in a condescending or disdainful way, or they can attack with insults and hateful comments.
“The problem is that this feeds on our own insecurities, which we don’t easily recognize and consider normal behaviour. So look at the way the narcissist treats others. If the narcissist is lying, manipulating, hurting and disrespecting others, he or she may treat you the same way,” she said.
dr. Mahler says that while it is possible to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, it “isn’t easy” and you have to “be honest with yourself.”
“A narcissist won’t turn into someone you really appreciate, so if you decide to stay, you need to look elsewhere for emotional support and personal satisfaction,” she said.