Childless couples now make up more than 40 percent of family households in Britain, official statistics show. But parents are taking to social media to reveal how having children has caused them to lose friends and sour lifelong relationships.
Becoming a mother or father “really shows you who your real people are,” influencers have revealed, as they opened up about the lack of support often evident in their circles.
“I’m Just the Best Friend Who Has a Baby,” Shannon Allman (@shannonallmanx), from Great Britain, shared on a TikTok from April last year.
She talked about feeling like she “doesn’t exist anymore because she has a baby” and “doesn’t get invited anywhere.”
Shannon, 25 – who has two sons – added that she feels like she’s just “changing diapers, making bottles and waiting for her to come along.”
“I’m just the best friend who has a baby,” Shannon Allman (@shannonallmanx) shared on a TikTok last April
“If I don’t text first, will I hear from you?” she asked.
Furthermore, beyond the perceptions of her friends, the parent also faces societal pressures on motherhood, such as the impression that she does not love her baby when she has an evening to herself, or being told that certain clothes ‘ inappropriate’ to wear in an environment with children. her friends.
And Chelsea (@cheleseamc_x), who is in her twenties and gave birth in November, also recently shared her own experience.
“Once you have a baby, you realize that not everyone is your friend,” she said in a December TikTok.
‘They all can’t wait to be ‘aunts’ and promise to be with you throughout your pregnancy, but once you give birth they are nowhere to be seen.
‘No texts to check on you and your baby, no one bothers to make plans with you and most ‘friends’ leave you alone at one of the hardest times in life, when they promised to always be there are.’
Elsewhere that month, parenting influencer Sophie Harris (@looking_after_mum) shared a post about the “sadness” many feel over lost friendships after becoming parents.
“No one talks about the sadness you feel over lost friendships when you become a mother,” she wrote.
And Chelsea (@cheleseamc_x), who is in her 20s and had a baby in November, also recently shared her own experience
“Sometimes it’s friends you always thought would always be there that don’t show up.
“Other times it’s you who is too overwhelmed and exhausted to reach out to someone and you become isolated.
“Either way, it’s one of the bigger transitions you didn’t expect after giving birth.”
Sophie, a pregnancy and postpartum therapist and coach, who is also a mother herself. added: The early stages of motherhood can feel lonely as you lose and find your identity, and you lose and find new friendships.
“Some people meet a bunch of new mom friends. While others don’t find their motherhood tribe.’
Elsewhere that month, Sophie Harris (@looking_after_mum) shared a post about the ‘sadness’ many feel over lost friendships after becoming parents
However, it seems that not all friendships suffer so dramatically, as the social media app is also filled with friends who are overjoyed to take care of their best friend’s baby.
“POV: Your best friends have a baby, so you can finally live your cool aunt era,” Sabina (@sabinaxdx) said in a video while enjoying a getaway in London with her friend’s little one.
“Living a life with my new best friend,” she added.
On the other side of the divide, however, people have also opened up about the disconnect they feel when their friends have babies and retreat into parenthood.
‘It’s going to be us versus them. On the one hand: People With Kids (PWIKS: tired, distracted, boring, stiff, covered in spit-up; can’t talk about movies, only about how they wish they had time to see them),” wrote Allison P. Davis in a viral essay on the issue for The cut.
‘And on the other side: People Without Children (PWOKS: self-centered, entitled, attention whores, grumpy about life’s inconveniences even though their life is easy).
However, it seems that not all friendships suffer so dramatically, as the social media app is also filled with friends who are overjoyed to take care of their best friend’s baby.
If these slights are not addressed, it will become all too easy to retreat.”
She also called babies “cute little igniters,” which for many felt like a ticking countdown to an explosive end to a friendship.
Speaking to the Huffington Posta childless New Yorker also opened up about how she deals with the feeling of her friends slipping away.
“I think for me it was about the ease of making plans. In the past, it was possible to grab drinks on the go, plan a girls’ trip or get together more easily,” Tiffany Dyba, 41, told the outlet.
“Now it’s definitely more juggling and more work to get things on the calendar.”
However, she has worked to give her parenting friends “grace” and refocus on the way she sees them.
“I find myself being more flexible,” she said. ‘Sometimes you have to schedule a catch-up moment or wait longer for a response to your text message. That doesn’t mean they don’t care or don’t love you. It means they’re doing their best.’
According to the Office for National Statistics, there were 469,000 extra families in Britain last year, compared to 2013 – and two in five had no children.
The figures have been released as part of the ONS’s annual bulletin on the composition of families and households in the UK.
It defines a family unit as a married couple, a couple in a civil partnership or cohabiting, living together with or without their single children.
Last year there were an estimated 19.5 million households living in households in Britain.
The increase was around 1.1 million (6 percent) compared to 2013, when the ONS estimated there were around 18.4 million families.
It reflected the overall growth of the UK population, which was 6 percent over the period 2012-2022, according to the most recent data available.
The figures also showed that last year a third of young men aged 20 to 34 were living at home with their parents.
This compared to less than a quarter (22 percent) of young women.
ONS data shows married couples remain the most common family type in Britain as of 2013
In 2023, there were 198,000 couples in a registered partnership, three times as many as in 2013 (64,000). Stock image used
They accounted for 3.6 million young people living at home with their parents – 28 percent of all young people.
It was a 2 percent increase from 2013, although the trends were largely the same.
In 2023, fewer than half of men were living with their parents at age 25, an increase of one year compared to 2013.
The trend was the same among women, with less than half living with their parents at age 22 in 2023, another one-year increase compared to 2013.
And there was an increase in the number of single parents with adult children.
In 2023, there were 3.2 million single-parent families, an increase of 200,000 compared to 2013.
But of these families, 130,000 had adult children, more than half the increase over the past decade.
The ONS defines adult children as ‘non-dependent’, meaning they are over 18 years old but live with their parents and do not have a partner, spouse or child.
It also includes 16-18 year olds who are not in full-time education.