Becky Downie has an anxiety disorder after being abused at the home of British gymnastics. She just CANNOT go back

When Team GB announce their gymnastics squad for the Paris Olympics on Thursday, Becky Downie will have to do something she hasn’t done for a while: set foot in Lilleshall.

The Shropshire mansion serves as the national training center for British Gymnastics. But remarkably, Downie is too traumatized to go anywhere near where she would normally prepare for her third Olympics.

“I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder,” the 32-year-old reveals to Mail Sport before returning to Lilleshall for the team announcement. ‘They said the symptoms were very similar to PTSD, and that Lilleshall was a real trigger point for me. So I was allowed to do all my preparation from my home gym and not go anywhere near Lilleshall.’

Downie believes there are two main factors behind her fears surrounding the national center. Firstly, Lilleshall is where she suffered physical and mental abuse as a young gymnast, something she and her younger sister Ellie detailed when they became the first British team members to complain about the sport’s ‘ingrained’ culture in 2020.

“I’ve been going to Lilleshall since I was nine and a lot has happened there, a lot of things that we still haven’t expressed publicly,” says the 2019 World Uneven Bar Championships silver medalist.

The 2019 World Uneven Bar Championships silver medalist revealed to Mail Sport that she has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder around the national training center

Downie, pictured at Lilleshall in 2016, previously told how she and her younger sister Ellie were physically and mentally abused while at the training center

Lilleshall also brings back painful memories of the tragic death of Downie’s brother Josh. He suffered a heart attack at the age of 24 while playing cricket in May 2021, on the eve of Downie’s trials for the Tokyo Olympics. The news meant she missed the trials in Cardiff and although she was given another chance to try out in Cannock a few weeks later, she was controversially not selected for the Games.

“Although my experience with Josh wasn’t at Lilleshall, there was a period when I came back after my brother and it was a very difficult time and I was back there,” says Downie.

‘Just really not a good experience. The place became too much. It got to the point where I knew I couldn’t be there anymore, and I thought, ‘British Gymnastics, you have to help me with this or I’m out’.’

Downie has still not come to terms with the lack of compassion shown by British Gymnastics after Josh’s death. After discovering she wasn’t on the Tokyo team, she was given just 48 hours to appeal the decision – a deadline that coincided with her brother’s funeral. “The appeal deadline was 11 a.m. and the reason I know that is because that was the start time of the funeral, so I couldn’t do both myself,” she recalls.

‘I had to give my email addresses to my team to make sure it came from me and they handled all that while I dealt with my family situation.

‘I still have a lot of trouble with it. You’ll never get over something like that. But what made the situation so much more difficult is that it was so closely linked to my sport, which I still choose. It was my choice to return to gymnastics and stay, but it was sometimes very difficult to have to work with the same people. It was quite unbearable in stages.”

Brother Josh Downie died after suffering a heart attack during a cricket nets session, days before the sisters were due to face the Olympic team in Cardiff in 2021

Downie admits that the events of 2021, including a lack of compassion shown by British Gymnastics, have remained at the forefront of her thoughts during the selection process in Paris

The Downie family celebrated Ellie, left, and Becky, right, being appointed MBE in the New Year’s Honors for ‘services to gymnastics’ they received at Windsor Castle in March

Unsurprisingly, the events of 2021 were at the forefront of Downie’s thoughts during the selection process for Paris. Another reminder of what happened to her brother comes from the regular heart checks she now has to undergo, given fears that Josh’s condition could be genetic. So far the tests have proven clear.

As her own tribute to Josh, Downie has a heartbeat tattooed on her left wrist. She also has a five-pointed star on the fourth finger of her right hand, symbolizing the ‘Downie five’: her and her four siblings.

“It was supposed to be a star, but in the end it looked more like a spot,” she says, smiling. “I kind of like that it’s dysfunctional because I feel like it represents all of us to some extent.”

Late last year the Downie family finally had something to celebrate when Becky and Ellie became MBEs in the New Year Honors for ‘services to gymnastics’.

Downie sees the gong – which she received from the Princess Royal at Windsor Castle in March – as confirmation that she and her sister were right to speak out about the disgusting gymnastics practices. “It showed that what we were doing was a good thing,” said Downie, whose evidence was part of the damning 2022 Whyte Review, which found abuse was “systemic” in the sport.

‘It has contributed to that change and that is why gymnasts are happier. They can go and eat whatever they want and they won’t be weighed anymore. For me, the MBE will probably be my biggest achievement in the sport, regardless of what happens at the Games in the summer.

‘Medals are incredible, but they are forgotten. The impact we have managed to have on all of British gymnastics means everything. It is a legacy that will last a lifetime.” Downie remains passionate about pioneering positive change. She speaks to Mail Sport from a school in inner-city London, where she is part of a Venus campaign to tackle skin consciousness, which has been identified as a major barrier in women’s sport.

Sadly, Downie knows all too well the consequences of image insecurity, having suffered ‘heartbreaking criticism’ about her own body and weight. Last year, her sister Ellie quit the sport at the age of 23 to prioritize her “mental health and happiness.”

But somehow Downie has carried on, even though she suspects some at British Gymnastics would have preferred her to give up.

Becky, left, believes the honor shows she and her sister were right to speak out about practices in gymnastics, with their evidence forming part of the damning Whyte Review in 2022

Downie is supporting a Venus campaign to tackle skin consciousness, which has been identified as a key barrier in women’s sport

“I really didn’t want British Gymnastics to just end my career,” she says. “I do believe there were people at that time who were deliberately trying to do that.

“Certain people are gone now and there are some better people around who have really supported me. But I wanted to end on my terms and not because others tried to force me out. I knew I wanted another chance.”

And that shot will come next month in Paris, when Downie competes in her third Olympics – 16 years after her first. After all the lows, she is determined to end her career on a high by winning a medal in the uneven bars.

“I think I have a pretty strong routine,” she adds. “But regardless of the result, I just have to be proud that I lasted this long.”

As the Official Razor of the Olympic and Paralympic Games, Venus is proud to work with Team GB athletes who share powerful personal skin stories to secure a positive legacy for women’s sport.