Ban children from restaurants after 7:30pm to stop selfish mums and their raucous little darlings ruining them for the rest of us

A few nights ago I was at an expensive restaurant with some friends and halfway through the lamb chops, three noisy children at the table next to me started misbehaving.

Two of them, who were about five and seven, were arguing loudly and kicking each other, while their parents continued with their own meals as if nothing had happened. When one of the boys started banging his spoon loudly on the table, I decided I had had enough.

“Excuse me,” I said, turning in my seat. “Could you please look at your children?”

The mother reacted angrily, as if it were my fault: ‘What do you want me to do? Leave them at home?’

Not a bad idea, I thought, as I rolled over and seethed inside. Why did these parents think it was okay to disrupt everyone’s evening so they could escape the house without having to find a babysitter?

It’s not the first time a dinner has been ruined in this way – from the toddler who splatters me with ragu sauce, to the deafening screams of babies when I’m eating steak frites on a date, and not to mention the four-year-olds who decide to use a Michelin-starred restaurant as their own playground. As a result, I get nervous and my stress levels skyrocket the moment I see a child at the table.

I am therefore convinced that it is time for us to stand up to today’s unruly families and ban all children under the age of 10 from restaurants after 7:30 p.m.

I don’t think it’s an unreasonable demand. An evening of fine food and wine with friends is a haven of peace and tranquility, where the stresses of the day can melt away amidst the laughter and chatter. The last thing we need is a noisy pack of rabid babies giving us a collective headache.

Kate Mulvey says it’s not the kids’ fault, but she blames the parents

I’m not the only one who feels this way. Other childless friends complain about the toddler brigade, and even friends with children tell me that when they do manage to carve out some time for themselves, the last thing they want to hear is screaming children. We already have adult-only hotels where adults can escape the colonization of families, so surely a child-free restaurant should be an option too?

Before you accuse me of being a bitter, ignorant child hater, let me tell you that over the years I have taken my beloved nephews out to dinner regularly – but at a socially responsible time during lunch, or for an early dinner before most people really go out.

Because I get it; kids are unruly. I wouldn’t assume a three-year-old can stay still for hours. That’s what daytime kid-friendly eateries are for.

It’s not their fault, but I do blame the parents. When I was younger, we had to sit up and behave ourselves when we were taken to a restaurant, or we would be taken back home and put straight to bed. And no matter how good our manners were, by 7:30 we were home and in bed. My parents would have been terrified at the thought of me and my siblings causing a scene and attracting the attention of other diners, and they would have acted the moment we stepped out of line.

How things have changed. Now spoiled and selfish parents let their toddlers climb over chairs and run around annoying everyone while they drink their Prosecco.

I’m tired of our modern, child-centered society, where the family is king and parents think the rest of us should conform our lives to the rules of their whining brood.

Yes, children should be able to play freely and have fun, racing around parks and gardens with their footballs and scooters.

But by letting them have their way in a restaurant in the evening, you are discriminating against people who just want to chat with their table companions without having to deal with a bickering boy.

Restaurants aren’t cheap. If I paid a pretty penny to enjoy the privilege of dining out, I shouldn’t have to worry about your marauding children ruining my evening just because you can’t find childcare.