Baby Reindeer star Jessica Gunning has spoken for the first time about how she realized she was ‘a big old gay’ and came out of the closet 19 months ago.
The 38-year-old actress, who played stalker Martha in the Netflix hit, said it was a secret she had kept from herself for years.
Jessica admitted that she didn’t think she could be gay, even though there were many signs throughout her life, such as when she kissed actress Cate Blanchett on stage every night during a National Theater production.
She now describes coming out as ‘liberating’.
Speaking about the Management podcast, Jessica explained, “I came out in November of 2022. And that was a mega-mega thing for me, because for so long… I’m surrounded by gay people, like all my friends are gay, so that wasn’t I suppressing everything, I just thought I couldn’t be.
‘I still can’t put it into words properly.
Baby Reindeer star Jessica Gunning has spoken for the first time about how she realized she was ‘a big old gay’ and came out of the closet 19 months ago
The 38-year-old actress, who played stalker Martha in the Netflix hit, describes her coming out as ‘liberating’
Jessica continued, “But I realized I was a big old gay guy. I thought, “That’s what it’s been, that’s what it is.” And that was a huge moment where everything clicked and I understood myself then.
‘Because for so long I thought, ‘I know I’m a bigger woman,’ and I thought maybe it had to do with my size that I felt a little bit almost alien, or like I was tagging along.
“But as soon as I realized it, I was like, ‘No, that’s it,’ and that was the most liberating thing.”
Jessica blew fans away with her controversial role as Martha the stalker in the Netflix series Baby Reindeer.
The series shows how Martha’s obsession develops as she emails Donny hundreds of times a day, shows up outside his house and harasses his family and friends. It is based on the real life experience of Richard Gadd.
Speaking about a special moment on the show, Jessica added: “There’s actually something very emotional in Baby Reindeer, where Donny talks about sleeping with his parents for the first time, and I told my family at Christmas that year and I I like it, I slept about ten hours that night.
‘I kind of thought, “Oh, that’s what this has been, it’s a little secret that I’ve probably even kept from myself.” And not in a hateful kind of way. I never felt like I was suppressing anything in a bad way, or that any reaction would be bad.
“In retrospect, I went down and looked at the L word, which is a bit of a giveaway. So some of those things I really should have put two and two together. I took my time.
Jessica admitted that she didn’t think she could be gay, even though there were plenty of signs throughout her life, such as when she kissed actress Cate Blanchett on stage every night during a National Theater production.
Jessica blew fans away with her controversial role as Martha the stalker in the Netflix series Baby Reindeer
‘And again, if you look at Take That, ‘S**t, who fits in this picture?’ Should have known again. And as a teenager I wore some kind of dungarees, stereotypical, I know, a fanny pack, with a backwards ‘No Fear’ cap on.
“So everyone around me was probably thinking, ‘When is she going to come out?’ And it took me 36 years.’
In a 2014 interview before she came out, Jessica spoke about her performance in the film Pride and the importance of the film’s message.
She explained how the film highlighted the historical actions of the gay community to rid the country of the stigma surrounding sexuality.
Jessica said: ‘This film will hopefully show the gay community that the struggle people have gone through to not have to fight anymore is one of those moving moments. Unfortunately, some of the topics shown and discussed in the film are still relevant.”
Looking back on that time, Jessica said: ‘I should have known even when I was doing Pride (a historical comedy drama based on a true story about a group of gay activists) because I was crying all the time. I found it so emotional that I really should have known then.
‘And then I did a play with Cate Blanchett where I got to kiss her on stage every night. Again, I should have known then. All these pre-Reindeer signs were staring me in the face.
The series shows how Martha’s obsession develops as she emails Donny hundreds of times a day, shows up outside his house and harasses his family and friends. It is based on the real life experience of Richard Gadd
‘It was amazing, very liberating and very grounding. I actually feel very peaceful.”
Speaking on the Reign podcast, she added: ‘Naively, I always thought it would be something sexual. It’s not that you somehow think, ‘This is who I am.’ And it’s actually very emotional.
“Some of my straight friends have even said they’re jealous of people coming out because it’s a celebration of who you are.
“I think we’re entering a time where we never really have to come out, but when you do it’s so revealing, but it’s also really beautiful because you say, ‘This is kind of my soul,’ you says, “This is who I am.”
“And you get to have all these great conversations with your loved ones. It’s really special. And a lot of my friends have said that sometimes it wasn’t that easy and that’s emotional too. Everyone was amazing, so supportive.”