An au pair is unsure about a potential job after receiving an extremely long list of rules from a family who expressed interest in hiring her.
The woman shared her dilemma – plus seven screenshots showing the full set of rules sent to her – on Reddit in search of guidance, titling the post, “ SHOULD I RUN OR MATCH? ADVICE NEEDED.’
‘Hello everyone! I am currently going through the rematch process and have already been in contact with three families. One family in particular has shown a lot of interest in me, and I really enjoyed talking to the host mother. They seem like such a nice family,” the au pair began. in her message to the Aupairs subreddit.
‘But after our conversation she sent me some rules by email that seemed a bit strict to me. “I could use some advice because I’m not sure if I’m exaggerating or if there’s any cause for concern.”
A woman took to Reddit to ask for advice on whether she should accept an offer of work as an au pair for a family, sending her a list of more than 80 rules to follow
The list of rules was divided into headings including: ‘rules’, ‘outside rules’, ‘swimming pool rules’, ‘au pair car rules’ and ‘general au pair rules’ (stock image)
The list sent by the mother contained a total of 83 rules, organized under various headings – including ‘rules’, ‘outside rules’, ‘pool rules’, ‘au pair car rules’ and ‘general au pair rules’.
In fairness to the family, many of the rules seemed reasonable, including “Avoid being overly loud” and “No smoking, vaping or drugs, including pot.”
At the same time, many of the rules mentioned seemed so obvious that perhaps they did not need to be put in writing.
These include: “Stay off the street when cars are approaching,” “Always know where the children are,” making sure children are wearing their seat belts when the car is moving, and “no drinking water from the pool.”
But a few rules seemed too strict for the au pair applicant – especially in the context of a list that was already 83 lines long.
For example, one rule required the au pair to “be helpful even when you are off duty, when you are around.”
Another one that caused controversy: “No phone, period. Put your phone away when you are on duty. Find a place to put it so it won’t distract you and leave it there. Set a special ringer so you know it is the host family calling.’
The family’s au pair would also be prohibited from “performing personal duties” while “on duty.”
A separate rule instructed the au pair to “shower in front of people” after “coming home from a trip” to “avoid spreading germs”—a directive that, while not wildly unreasonable on its face, is nevertheless unnecessary seems dictatorial when it comes to personal privacy. hygiene of an adult domestic worker.
The umbrella category ‘rules’ contained many reasonable rule examples, such as ‘The children are where you are’
The more obvious ‘swimming pool rules’ included ‘no drinking water from the pool’
In the ‘General Au Pair Rules’ section, the employee curfew was set to midnight – or ‘8 hours before your scheduled work time’
A rule stating that the au pair is expected to stay completely off her phone during her shift also raised some eyebrows
Yet another rule prohibited all au pair guests – whose hypothetical visit would already require prior approval from employers – from eating any food in the household. “If you have friends visiting, they are responsible for their own food, unless there are special circumstances,” the rule states.
The ‘general rules for au pair’ also provide for a midnight curfew ‘if you are staying at our home’, adding: ‘If you stay out for the evening and work the next day, the curfew is 8 hours before your scheduled working time. ‘
The au pair is also expected to ‘keep personal items out of sight’ in the ‘shared bathroom’ they are expected to use.
Users flooded the post with more than 2,400 comments expressing their thoughts on the original poster – OP for short.
“If most of this list is common sense, why does it make me so uncomfortable (running),” one person wrote, while someone else replied, “It’s because even though most of the list is common sense, the 5-10% that is too’ It’s really very bad and there is no willingness to compromise or welcome an au pair.’
Users flooded the comments section with more than 2,400 responses with feedback
Another commenter chimed in: “No willingness to welcome Bingo.”
One person said: ‘We don’t have an au pair or nanny, but I’d like to think I’d be a dream mom to work for if we did. That said, I can’t imagine ever sending something like that. Like literally anything anywhere around. I would keep looking.’
To this, OP jokingly replied, “Can you be my host mom?”
Someone else agreed with the list: ‘Too many rules. I agree to call again because our toddler got hurt a few times when our last AP was on her phone. That makes sense. Many rules make sense. But not letting your friends eat when they’re done? That kind of thing is just rude.”
“Be helpful even when you’re off duty,” one Redditor commented, adding two sweaty emojis in imagined annoyance at the rule.
The OP’s responses to many of the comments showed even more clearly that the future work situation is not ideal.
The gig, she explained, would only provide a weekly stipend of $200.
Referring to the rule that the au pair cannot take the family car further than Fredericksburg, i.e. within 25 miles, OP mentioned that the house was in a rural area in Virginia.
One commenter said the area was “boring and car-centric,” adding that “you need good company (which doesn’t seem like this family) or a way to escape and find good company (which seems hard to do with their car rules and curfews).’
OP replied to this comment stating, “Based on all these details, it seems like the best decision for me not to match. I really appreciate you letting me know as it helped solidify my ultimate decision not to match with this family. Thank you so much.’