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Whether it’s putting out pick up lines or receiving flowers, everyone has their own idea of romance.
But experts now say four key traits contribute to “romantic competence.”
a new studyled by Western Kentucky University, claims that perceptual, behavioral, associative and interactive factors all play a role in forming a happy relationship.
Partners who avoid insecurities and jealousy are considered “most romantically competent,” with a “half-full” view of love.
But sizzling passion wasn’t considered a big deal at all, as researchers say it doesn’t really reflect love, trust, or commitment.
Scientists believe that optimism is key to romantic competence and relationship satisfaction
‘Our research demonstrates the importance of social-cognitive processes in relationship problem solving,” said Michelle R. Persich Durham, lead author of the study.
Romantically competent people tended to view relationships more positively and were less prone to relationship concerns and doubts.
“It was also found that they tend to date partners who are equally competent and who describe themselves as having intrinsic qualities such as kindness, as opposed to extrinsic qualities such as money and status.”
As part of their study, experts surveyed 171 predominantly heterosexual couples who were all at different stages of their relationship — from “casual dating” to “married.”
Participants were presented with ten fictional scenarios, ranging from simple lifestyle differences to more serious problems, such as discovering a partner’s secret Tinder profile.
Each partner was asked how they would respond to the issues that arose, with their answers used to determine their romantic competence and satisfaction.
Overall, scientists concluded that accessible and responsive partners were the most satisfied in their relationships.
This fell under the umbrella of “behavioural competence,” with more antisocial partners considered less skillful in relationships.
Optimism was also considered an important ‘perceptual’ competence factor, with the best partners being less prone to problematic uncertainties and doubts.
But experts argue that competence also depends on the characteristics of our other halves.
If both partners are balanced in their optimism, sociability, and approachability, this can further enhance romantic satisfaction as part of “interactive competence.”
If both partners are balanced in their optimism, sociability, and approachability, it can increase romantic satisfaction
This is also related to ‘assortative matching’, as partners with similar levels of intelligence, attractiveness, money, status, and friendliness are believed to get along much better in the long run.
These values increased with age, suggesting that extensive relationship experience can increase your wisdom about what not to do over time.
However, passion played no part in this at all, with researchers claiming that it fades away over time.
In light of this, psychologists Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley and Dr. Gurpreet Kaur believe that acknowledging our own romantic competence can help improve relationships.
Dr. Kaur told MailOnline, “There are a lot of things to consider when thinking about your own ‘romantic competence’ and wanting to become the best version of yourself in relationships.
“The journey must begin with self-awareness through self-reflection, which means taking time to reflect on our own life experiences and how they have affected us. Recognizing patterns, both positive and negative, can be insights for growth.
“Looking at important relationships around you and wondering what you’ve learned from them is also important, because learning can often be implicit, meaning it happens without intention.”
Dr. Goddard-Crawley also told MailOnline, “Romantic competence, viewed through the lens of attachment theory, depends on an individual’s ability to form and maintain healthy, secure romantic bonds.
“As life is constantly evolving, relationships must adapt to different challenges and transitions. Romantic competence includes the ability to embrace change and navigate life’s myriad twists and turns with a partner.”