Twinkling lights, fun gatherings, the magic of giving.
Christmas is marketed as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many it is far from it. As an anxiety, phobia and anxiety specialist, this is one of my busiest seasons.
A few years ago, just before Christmas, a former client named Hannah came to me with a fear that may sound strange: tinsel. Yes, tinsel: the sparkly, innocent decoration that seems to be everywhere during the holidays.
For Hannah it was anything but innocent. Just the thought of thin strips of shiny foil made her physically sick. Hannah avoided work parties, family dinners, and even going out in December. Over the years, her fear became so intense that she spent five Christmases alone.
We worked together to trace her fear back to a seemingly innocent childhood joke.
As a child, her cousins playfully wrapped her in tinsel. But for little Hannah, the scratchy texture and feeling of being stuck caused panic. Her young mind linked those emotions to tinsel and the association stayed with her into adulthood.
This process of associating emotions with unrelated things is known as conditioning and it is how most phobias develop.
In Hannah’s case, tinsel was linked to choking and pain. Her brain identifies the shiny trim as a real threat, just as you learn to avoid fire after being burned.
A few years ago, just before Christmas, a former client named Hannah came to me with a fear that may sound strange: tinsel. Yes, tinsel: the sparkly, innocent decoration that seems to be everywhere during the holidays.
While Hannah’s story may be an extreme case, the fear of Christmas (Christougenniatikophobia) is something most of us can relate to. And it’s not just the obvious stressors – such as family tensions and social pressure – that cause fear and anxiety.
Sometimes it’s the small, invisible factors that can cause negative emotions; busy shops; rejected party invitations; thoughts of forgotten friends or traditions.
The truth is that Christmas is an emotional rollercoaster for many people. And while you can’t always control the chaos around you, you can control how you respond.
Here are 7 steps you can follow this Christmas to help you feel calm and joyful.
Step 1: Question: What am I? Real afraid of?
Fear is often caused by deeply held beliefs. So, what drives your fear? Family judgement? Worried about money?
As an exercise, ask yourself, “What thoughts make me feel stressed or even anxious?”
You may realize that you’re thinking, “If Christmas Day isn’t perfect, I’m a failure.”
Well, here’s the key: beliefs are not facts. Once you recognize your belief, you can challenge it and adopt more positive thoughts.
For example, say to yourself, “Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.”
Step 2: Relax the conscious mind
Stress activates your body’s fight-or-flight response, making it harder to think clearly. The fastest way to interrupt this cycle is to relax your body and mind.
While there are many ways to do this, one of the quickest and best-known approaches is to control your breathing.
Try this: When you feel anxious, inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of eight. Repeat this until you feel calmer.
This exercise helps shift your body from panic to relaxed, giving you the mental space to approach things differently.
Step 3: Stop rewarding fear
Believe it or not, stress can sometimes serve a hidden purpose.
Avoiding a family gathering can protect you from uncomfortable or painful conversations. Obsessing over the “perfect” Christmas can give you a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic.
But giving in to these negative feelings is a trap, because the behavior has major drawbacks.
Ask yourself: what am I losing if I reward this fear? Precious time with loved ones? The opportunity to relax?
Recognizing these cost-benefit dynamics can strengthen your resolve to persevere.
Step 4: Change the recipe
What are the ingredients, the ‘mental recipe’ of your fears? What are you portraying?
Take the image that makes you anxious in your mind’s eye and reduce it to the size of a small dot. Now make it black and white, as if you turned off the color.
Imagine floating above the statue or throwing it into the sun. Notice how the fear feels smaller, further away, and less important.
When you change the images in your mind, you also change the way they make you feel.
Step 5: ‘Revisit’ the past
Close your eyes and think of a memory that weighs heavily on you. Maybe it’s a difficult conversation or Christmas went wrong. As you ‘relive’ it, concentrate on staying relaxed and calm.
As you think about this moment, do something physically soothing, such as giving yourself a gentle hug or rubbing your arms up and down. This simple act releases oxytocin, a calming hormone, which makes you feel safe and grounded.
Imagine looking at the memory as if it were a scene in a movie. You are no longer in it, you are looking at it. Visualize yourself responding with understanding and strength. Notice how from this distant place the emotional charge begins to fade.
Step 6: Fix your emotions
If a specific trigger at Christmas is causing you anxiety or stress, there is a way to replace that response with a positive one.
Decide how you want to feel instead – calm, confident, joyful – and focus on that as your goal.
Think back to a strong memory of a time when you felt truly joyful. Close your eyes and make it lively. At the height of the emotion, press your thumb and index finger together. Hold it for a few seconds and then release. Repeat this 3-5 times to strengthen the connection.
Ask yourself: what am I losing if I reward this fear? Precious time with loved ones? The opportunity to relax?
Now think again about that negative person or event while repeating the same gesture: pressing your thumb and index finger together. If you do it right, you will notice that the negative emotions start to fade.
Step 7: Create a powerful future
Finally, focus on what you want this Christmas to look like. And set small, realistic goals to achieve this. You don’t have to solve everything; just focus on what matters most.
Remember, Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Small shifts in your focus, thoughts, and actions can transform the way you experience the season. By mastering your fears now, you can unleash your potential in the new year.