And Just Like That: A hailstorm of one-liners has turned into a lukewarm drizzle, writes LIZ JONES

And they’re back! Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda are back on our screens for the second series of Sex And The City spin-off show And Just Like That…

There’s enough sex. The very first scene shows a confused Carrie strides towards a new man in her bed. A year of widowhood (dying big of a heart attack on a platoon in season one) has apparently done wonders for her skin and hair.

Charlotte (Kristin Davis), meanwhile also sneaking into the bedroom on purpose, has a whole new face (think Jack Nicholson as The Joker). While Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) gives us full nudity within the first few minutes as she frolic in a pool with her new partner Che.

Then there are the clothes. Instagram worthy in every scene, especially the final denouement in episode one. (Spoiler alert: Yes, and so is Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie Miss Havisham, back in her Vivienne Westwood wedding dress.)

So, in terms of sex and style, plus ca change with the second series of the Sex And The City sequel. Or so they do everything they can to convince us in the first two episodes – the only ones released so far.

But where is Kim Cattrall’s much-hyped return as foul-mouthed Samantha? And what about the even more highly anticipated, unbelievably hot hunk who is Carrie’s ex-fiancé Aidan, the ultimate Mr. Nice Guy who cheated on Carrie with Big while Aidan was scrubbing her floors?

It’s rumored to be getting better, but all we’ve seen so far is a freeze frame from a future episode (new episodes will be dropping on Thursday), which sees Aidan (John Corbett) look even more like Carrie’s Care in the Community worker . He always seemed younger; no amount of tweaking can change that.

As impatient as we are to see how that plays out, first we have to wade through a slew of newer characters. We may have been introduced in the first series, but they have yet to convince me. I find myself screaming, “I’m too old to make new friends and learn new names!” I want my old one back!’

There is even a family with children! I don’t want to see children! This is a nuclear-family-free zone about drinking Manhattans, not “Did you brush your teeth?”

Incidentally, there are way too many scenes without the Fab-Four-Now-Fab-Three – something that never happened in the six Sex And The City seasons and two spin-off films.

So are there positives? uh. Miranda is no longer gray as in the first series. There is a strange funny line. Carrie to GBF (gay best friend) Anthony: “Get over it, you’re a man.” Him: ‘Say who?’ But the sharp humor used to come at us like hailstones. Remember when Carrie was robbed? “Hand over your handbag.” “It’s a Fendi baguette.” Now it is a lukewarm drizzle.

And where is the pathos, the gravitas? The original shows – which should have stayed in aspic – were about breast cancer, loneliness, aging, infertility, betrayal, poverty… This episode was all about – wait for it – getting ready for the Met Ball. Seriously, post Covid we don’t even care about the real event let alone a fictionalized version.

Fondness, nostalgia, loneliness made me reach like a rubber ring for the first season of And Just Like That during the pandemic. I was forgiving, flooded with a sense of security with a world I knew as the back of my collagen-enhanced hand.

But, like most relationships, this series will disappoint me based on what we’ve seen so far. Like Charlotte’s face and Carrie’s apartment, it has changed beyond recognition. I fear these women, all in their late fifties, have fallen into the ridiculous.

The one lesson it has taught me so far? Unlike Carrie and Aidan, never, ever go back…