AMANDA PLATELL: Stay away from Britain, Meghan . . . you’re not welcome here

It’s been just over a year since Prince Harry published his brutal memoir Spare.

In it, he portrayed his brother William as a violent bully and his sister-in-law Kate as a Stepford wife, chosen because “she fit the royal mold” – unlike his beloved wife Meghan.

It was a painful experience for the Prince and Princess of Wales, who had no right to these horrible insults.

Worse was to come when Kate was named as one of the ‘racist’ royals first hinted at in Meghan and Harry’s 2021 interview with Oprah Winfrey, after she reportedly changed the future skin color of the Sussexes’ first child, Archie. had been in doubt.

Often sitting next to Harry during his attacks on his family was his calculating, smug, former TV actress wife Meghan, who milked her in-laws’ personal drama while taking millions from Netflix and other paymasters.

No one has done more damage to the institution of the royal family than Meghan Markle, argues Amanda Platell

Now we learn that with her popularity in America waning, Meghan plans to hire a PR guru in Britain to revive her position here.

All I can say is: good luck with it. As those of us who love the royal family know, no one has done more damage to the institution than Meghan Markle, who still clings to her title of “duchess.”

Can she really try to reinvent herself in Britain, while poor Kate is recovering from surgery at home and won’t appear in public until Easter at the earliest? It’s nothing short of horrible.

Only Kate’s immediate family and close aides know what is really ailing her, but Harry and Meghan’s constant attacks cannot have reduced her stress and anxiety levels in recent years.

So if I had the miserable job of being the Duchess’ PR advisor, and was given the impossible task of rehabilitating her in a country she had rejected, my message would be: ‘Stay away. Forever.’

OnlyFans party girl Carrie Royale claims she sold a pair of Prince Harry’s underwear for $250,000 and is now threatening to post never-before-seen nude photos of the Duke of Hazard jumping around during his 2012 “strip billiards” game in Las Vegas. Don’t worry, Harry, it could be worse. Just imagine if you ever dressed up as a Nazi!

RUPERT Murdoch marries for the fifth time at the age of 92, to molecular biologist Elena Zhukova, 25 years his junior.

Rupe is worth $19 billion. Does he ever wonder if it isn’t his wit and charm that seduce younger women?

I bet his kids insist he has a cast-iron prenup.

• IF he were alive, Strictly Come Dancing’s host Bruce Forsyth might have had something to say after Claudia Winkleman claimed the secret to the show’s success is that it is presented by women (she and Tess Daly) and that women hold key production jobs to have. Very good, but without sex on the legs of professional dancers Graziano, Gorka, Giovanni, Johannes and Vito, what red-blooded woman would tune in at all?

• MOTHER’S SUNDAY Tomorrow and even though my mother passed away five years ago, I will put a card with her photo, thanking her for the love and advice. The night before my wedding she took my hand and said, “It’s not too late to back out, Mandy, he’s a bad guy.” Six years later, after his infidelity, we were divorced. As always, she was right. I love and miss you, Mom

ELLE ‘The Body’ Macpherson, almost 60, claims that what women wear makes little difference and that ‘being a true expression of who you are is the secret to letting your unique beauty shine’. Top advice Elle, but while you’re prancing around in your skimpy bikini, the rest of us sixty-somethings are wearing frumpy sweatshirts, hoping that the AA man could be the answer to all our dreams.

• Over-promoted BBC presenter Amol Rajan laughs at Chancellor Jeremy Hunt being called a ‘fiscal drag queen’. Perhaps the bejeweled mumbler Rajan, famous for his diamond earring, ugly rings and chunky gold necklace, should look a little closer to home.

• CELEBRITY Big Brother’s Levi Roots – famous for his Reggae Reggae Sauce – says he hopes his children are ‘inspired by their father’. Levi, considering you’ve fathered eight children with seven women, it might be best to leave the parenting advice to others.

• British counter-extremist czar Robin Simcox says pro-Palestinian marches have turned London into a ‘no-go zone for Jews’. I live in a suburb of North London with a large Jewish community and am saddened by this. What should I say to my Jewish neighbors who are afraid to even wear their yarmulkes and ask why our capital no longer has room for them?

• F1 BOSS Christian Horner has praised his wife, ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell, for her support after claims he exchanged sexy WhatsApp messages with a female Red Bull employee. An internal investigation cleared Horner, who will keep his £8million job. But the recipient of sexy text messages has been suspended. So much for Girl Power.

• In an attempt to show his softer side, Rishi Sunak reveals he nips upstairs to make the marital bed, stack the dishwasher and cook meals for his children. It then makes you wonder what his wife Akshata Murty does all day. I guess when you’re the daughter of a billionaire you’re used to having staff to do the menial things.

• SNAKE-HIPPED Peter Mandelson says fat Keir Starmer – 20 points ahead in the polls – needs to lose weight because he is baffled by the thought of a Prime Minister with man boobs? That didn’t stop our powerful Boris Johnson from achieving a historic landslide victory.

Fashion designer Stella McCartney, 52, says her new collection is inspired by the sharply tailored suits worn by father Paul in the Beatles’ heyday. Crikey, in this baggy, oversized number she looks like a homeless guy you’d offer a fiver to, making him promise not to spend it on Strongbow. Let it be, Stella: time to stop monetizing your father.

ARISTOCRAT Constance Marten, accused of causing her baby daughter’s death, says she did ‘nothing but show love to my little baby’ while on the run with partner Mark Gordon. Legalities prevent me from expressing an opinion, but I can’t help but feel sorry for a woman whose four other children ended up in care and whose fifth died in her arms.

Medical journal LANCET says it’s time to stop treating menopause as a ‘disease’ and the only ones making money from it are the pharmaceutical giants marketing HRT and other drugs. I’m finally realizing that most women, myself included, have sailed through the Big M without realizing it and are tired of hearing our sisters blather on about their “menopause journey.”

SCIENTISTS say men who scoff at a full English breakfast increase their ‘facial attractiveness’. It’s clearly a study conducted by portly, middle-aged men: what woman wants to have sex with a guy whose big belly nestles on his thighs?