It was the fortnight before Christmas, when throughout the royal house not a single creature moved, not even a mouse…
Then Prince Andrew emerges at the center of another excruciatingly embarrassing scandal.
Apologies for paraphrasing Clement Clarke Moore’s poem, but can you imagine the King’s reaction to the news this Advent that a close confidant of the Prince has been expelled from Britain following MI5 claims that he is a Chinese spy ?
The alleged spy, a businessman known only as H6 for legal reasons, was apparently authorized to act on behalf of the Duke to seek investors in China. He was even invited to the prince’s 60th.
What planet was Andrew on? Well, Planet Grasping, Arrogant and Stupid for starters. The alleged spy was told that Andrew was ‘in a desperate situation and would take anything’ and is believed to have taken full advantage.
It’s hard to think of anything Andrew could have done to top his catastrophic association with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and his lawsuit with Virginia Giuffre, who accused him of sexually assaulting her.
But he has managed to outdo himself and incredibly form an “unusual degree of trust” with someone considered a threat to our national security.
Which brings us back to the festering pain of his insistence that he has the right to stay at the 30-room Royal Lodge in Windsor Park without visible financial means. The Mail on Sunday suggested that Charles was still paying for Andrew’s stay. Which, as nice as it may be, would be a serious error in judgment.
The 30-room Royal Lodge in Windsor Park. Andrew insists he has the right to stay there without visible financial resources
What planet was Andrew on? Well, Planet Grasping, Arrogant and Stupid for starters. Our king must realize that the monarchy is a fragile institution and Andrew is doing great damage to it
Our king must realize that the monarchy is a fragile institution and Andrew is doing great damage to it.
He must cut all ties with his brother forever.
Jen bows
Jennifer Lopez’s ‘revenge dress’ after she reluctantly filed for divorce from Ben Affleck tops the list of the best of 2024. She has no panties or bra underneath two sequined panels held together by bows. Since Ben often raised his eyebrows – and not in a good way – at her skimpy outfits, instead of thinking ‘look what I’m missing’, he’s probably thanking the stars for his escape.
- Eco-fanatic Ed Miliband reveals to LBC’s Nick Ferrari that he doesn’t own an electric car but rides an electric bike, prompting Nick to ask how far that would take him on his weekly visits from Parliament to his constituency in Doncaster, 170 miles away .
Why Coleen is not a Kardashian…
Following Coleen’s success in the I’m A Celebrity jungle, Disney+, Sky and Amazon are bidding for the rights to a £5million series At Home With The Rooneys. I’m afraid it’s going to be a snooze-fest. As sweet as Col is, she’s no Kim Kardashian and her husband Wayne is a loser. But if this photo of her hideous silver Christmas tree in a gray room that looks like a funeral home’s basement is any indication, we’d have a lot of fun walking around the Rooneys’ house.
- Amid the astonishing facts of Taylor Swift’s Eras tour — 12 costume changes, 46 songs per show, $1.5 billion in ticket sales — comes news that she had 250 pairs of stiletto Christian Louboutin shoes with red soles made for her. Sorry to spoil the party Taylor, but anyone who has worn them, like me, knows they have to wear a health warning. You may be a good dancer now at 35, but at 50 you’ll have bunions the size of Texas.
Westminster Wars
- Another Labor triumph after the huge pay rise for train drivers means disruption for passengers as staff now cannot be tempted to work overtime with their new salaries of up to £70,000. Talk about a Merry Christmas to the union paymasters. And all at our expense!
- Tory leader Kemi Badenoch says sandwiches aren’t real food, lunch is for wimps – but she’ll have the occasional steak, as Meryl Streep channels Vogue’s Anna Wintour in The Devil Wears Prada. If she wants to emulate the great Wintour, may I humbly suggest that the scruffy Kemi gets a new stylist.
- Keira Knightley has been nominated for the Hollywood Golden Globe Award for Best Actress in a Drama Series, following her role as a ruthless assassin in Netflix’s Black Doves. It’s both compulsively and frenetically hilarious to watch, with toothpick-thin Keira defeating bad guys twice her size. Jason Bourne would have her sorted in seconds!
Secrecy about Sara
Righteous outrage at the granting of anonymity to the family court judge who abandoned Sara Sharif by sending her back to her abusive father despite repeated warnings about his brutality.
Should those who wield such power be held accountable?
But then whoever placed Sara in the hands of this monster will have to live with the knowledge that they did so – and that will be a life sentence for them.
- Women with painful gynecological conditions suffer from ‘medical misogyny’ as male doctors fail to recognize their symptoms and ignore the pain, according to a report. All too true. But when I was diagnosed with adenomyosis, a terrible womb condition that causes bleeding and pain, it was a female NHS doctor who refused to do another scan on me. She said I had already had my treatment quota and sent me packing with some paracetamol. The sad fact is that it is both male and female doctors who are failing us.
- Kate Moss leaves her lover, Count Nikolai von Bismarck, 13 years her junior, to have more fun at 50. Very good. But maybe she should remember the words that Billy Preston sang: “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” Even for supermodels, Christmas can be lonely.
- Many speculate that Daniel Craig, who plays a gay man in the new film Queer, was his attempt to distance himself from James Bond. Reviews usually rate the film one to two stars. I hope his Bond diamonds (£65 million from five 007 films) are forever.
I’ll cha-cha-cheer for Chris
The Strictly 2024 glitterball will be raised tonight by one of the finalists, whether it’s blind comedian Chris McCausland, Miranda star Sarah Hadland, ex-boyband star JB Gill or deaf reality TV star Tasha Ghouri. Chris is the only one without professional dancing experience, fulfilling Strictly’s original promise to transform non-dancers into something resembling grace. So even though he’s not the best, I’m voting for Chris.
We all try to help others at this time of year, but nothing compares to Kevin Sinfield’s Running Home For Christmas marathon, where he ran 30 miles a day for a week and raised money for motor neurone disease research, which helped him took his life. rugby friend Rob Burrows. Kevin wore Rob’s number 7 and his target of £777,777 was shattered as more than £1million was raised.