With its endless ovations and increasingly unwatchable films, Cannes may be in trouble, but one woman has really opened a can of worms with her stellar treatment of whining celebrities.
Footage of a security guard assaulting famous women at the oh-so-frivolous French Riviera film festival has gone more viral than rotten escargots.
It all started when the tough villain tried to rush former famous singer Kelly Rowland, who was soaking up the glow of her magnificence on the iconic red stairs for too long.
Rowdy Rowland stuck her fierce finger in the bouncer’s grill and even later suggested the incident was… racist! (What is French for YAWN?)
But it seems this IDGAF messenger did not discriminate.
It all started when the tough villain tried to rush former famous singer Kelly Rowland, who was soaking up the glow of her magnificence on the iconic red stairs for too long.
There’s also a video of her walking past K-pop star Yoona, hugging a Ukrainian model with giraffe legs on the ground, and nearly exchanging blows with Dominican actress Massiel Taveres, who repeatedly tried to roll out her ridiculous six-meter-long train, decorated with the face of Our Lord and Savior.
No, not Hayek’s Saint Salma.
Predictably, social media is ablaze with baffled snowflakes demanding that this feisty Frenchie be banned from future festivals.
To which I say: make sure your La Perla panties aren’t in a bunch.
First of all, it’s completely clear to me that this woman was just doing her job – otherwise wouldn’t she have been fired after the first Rowland row?
Secondly, who am I to tell a Frenchman to stop when he is actually awake and working!
The truth is that Cannes director Thierry Fremaux has had enough of camera-hungry flirtations.
In 2018, he banned stars from taking ‘grotesque’ selfies. Earlier this year he criticized how hyper-political red carpet attitudes detracted from the film art on display.
(I’m looking at Cate Blanchett, a pro-Gaza dress with a Palestinian flag, and Bella Hadid, who went Hamas chic in a dress made from keffiyehs.)
This isn’t Moulin Rouge at happy hour. This is cinemaDarling!
Fremaux would no doubt have watched in horror as stylish events like the Met Gala once turned into slick pose-fests, attracting only the most desperate D-listers.
So what else is a tired frog to do?
I suspect Fremaux ordered his beauty buffs to defend themselves against the legion of foreign egotists descending on his fair city – and good for him.
And as for Cannes’ skilled red carpet mistress, she gets a standing ovation from me. Next year she should bring these horrible girls to Riviera Bay!
The truth is that Cannes director Thierry Fremaux has had enough of camera-hungry flirtations. Earlier this year he criticized how hyper-political red carpet attitudes detracted from the film art on display. (Photo: Cate Blanchett last week).
Biden’s ‘shower’ shame
If you haven’t already, you should immediately read my esteemed colleague Maureen Callahan’s recent column on Ashley Biden’s diary.
Because while our first daughter has admitted in a lawsuit that the missive – stolen and leaked online – is indeed real, so has the media blackout over this story.
Ashley heartbreakingly describes the fear that she was being “abused,” as well as the “traumas” she remembers from her childhood – including, explosively, “showering with [her] dad” that “were probably inappropriate.”
If this private diary belonged to one Ivanka Trump and described a co-show with dad Donald, the outrage would have been deafening and justified.
Shame on the silent White House and the neutered Sniffy Joe media folks.
…but Hunter is still shameless
If the Biden couple wasn’t slimy enough, we now learn how Hunter arranged a meeting between his father, his uncle and his dodgy Chinese business partners to coincide with a 2017 visit to New York City for a memorial service to commemorate the horrific Sandy Hook carnage .
Never let a tragedy go to waste, eh, Cracky?
These venal Commies are the same oil bosses with whom Hunter struck a $10 million deal just months earlier. Good to see Bidenomics benefiting someone, I guess!
Give it to Kim K
North West’s nepo baby as young Simba at The Lion King’s 30th anniversary concert – at a little-known venue called the Hollywood freakin’ Bowl – has sent fans into a feline frenzy.
Kimye’s spawn is definitely not the next Nancy Sinatra. But it’s not like the tonally challenged 10-year-old has picked the plum spot from a more talented, less fortunate kid with her own two paws.
Blame her mercenary, overexposed parents who won’t stop using their children as extensions of their grotesque selves.
Quick cash grab
The crimson Mean Girl will not be silenced.
Last week, Taylor Swift released not one but three new ‘limited editions’ of her latest album ‘The Tortured Poets Department’.
The blatant cash grab took Swift to a total of over 20 iterations of this most average of records.
Why so greedy, Goldilocks?
Fans say there is bad blood between Swift and Billie Eilish, whose brilliant new album ‘Hit Me Hard And Soft’ threatens to leave ‘TTPD’ in the Kansas City dust.
Billie recently labeled artists who perform three-hour shows as ‘literally psychotic’ – ahem – and criticized endless reissues of physical albums as ‘wasteful’ – ahem, ahem.
Crown Jewels
The Crown actor Charles Dance, 77, sunbathed with his jewels in Spanish nudist hotspot Formentera.
I really hope the pasty guy put sunscreen on all his spotted bits; a gentleman would hate to get blisters in his most precious areas!
Perhaps Dance – who was joined by his much younger girlfriend Alessandra Masi – takes pleasure in leaving very little to the imagination.
In my defense, Spanish water can get very cold at this time of year.
The Crown actor Charles Dance, 77, sunbathed with his jewels in Spanish nudist hotspot Formentera.
Wild father
Is there anything more annoying than an influencer?
Yep, an Elon Musk fanboy “dadfluencer” who beats up his babies for likes.
Malcolm Collins and his fat wife Simone are pregnant with their fourth, but hope to have seven children in their pursuit of ‘pronatalism’ (the belief that more and more snotty noses are the solution to our earthly problems).
Malcolm punched his two-year-old in the face in front of a reporter last week before trying to explain away his abuse by saying he and his equally happy wife had learned the behavior by observing how tigers treat their cubs in the wild .
Do these two also pee in public and sink their teeth into living mammals?
An attempt was made to take Malcolm and Simone’s brood from them, and I understand why.