A VERY public aristo-spat! This society wife branded her husband a ‘p****’ on social media after he posted this ‘maddening’ picture. Here she tells why – and he bites back!

SOCIETY WOMAN’S STORY: ‘I went absolutely crazy when I saw a picture of my husband in a mountain taverna while I was worrying about our daughter’s birthday and sports day at home!’

Dame Laura Cathcart, 40, publicly called her husband William Cash a ‘p****’ last week for posting a photo of himself drinking a beer in Austria while she was busy organizing their kids’ sports day and planning their daughter Cosima’s ninth birthday party. Here, she explains what made her laugh…

As Chatelaine of Upton Cressett Hall – a Grade II listed Elizabethan house in Shropshire that sleeps up to 22 guests – I am an events organiser, chef, party planner, interior designer and wife.

The image of my husband tucking into pudding at the Taverna Celtica, in the idyllic mountains of southern Austria, was just too crazy to bear, writes Lady Laura

But recently, in addition to my work as a milliner, I was also busy with my other job as a mother: preparing for my daughter Cosima’s ninth birthday.

But where, I asked myself, was my husband William?

Instead of helping me make a Victoria Sponge birthday cake just after sunrise, long before all the children, pugs, parakeets and Burford Brown chickens woke up, or helping our nanny blow up a kiddie pool, William was barking commands from his study.

Although he takes his job as editor of the Catholic Herald very seriously, he was not needed in the office that day. He should have been with me, on duty as co-parent to our children.

In reality he was hiding in his study so he could watch cricket on television or order a few more bottles of old wine from Tanners Wine Merchants.

He absolutely loves our daughter and shows it in his own way regularly.

But my husband has only one main job. All the other tasks that family life entails – cooking, housekeeping, hosting, flower arranging, buying gifts, you name it, they all fall on my shoulders.

If he weren’t so ignorant, I’d think this was premeditated. I realize I’m far from the only mother who complains that her husband is clueless about the minutiae of domestic life. As for Cosima’s birthday, it didn’t occur to him that there would be party bags, presents, invitations, entertainment, cards, and sprinkles for the ice cream.

While I had been worrying for days, what do you think kept William awake in the middle of the night?

William Cash with Lady Laura and their children Rex and Cosima. He certainly loves his daughter, writes his wife and proves it regularly in his own way

Lady Laura and William Cash at an event at Goodwood House last year. At his daughter’s birthday party, it never occurred to him that there would be party bags, gifts, invitations, entertainment, cards and sprinkles for the ice cream to be arranged

Upton Cressett Hall in Shropshire sleeps up to 22 guests. William has a study there where he can watch cricket on the telly or order a few more vintage bottles from Tanners Wine Merchants

He had only been concerned about planning a ‘working’ holiday (read: happy one!) to Austria to ‘review’ a religious music festival, but I suspect he would mainly be there to sample the local beer and strudel.

I was invited, but, as always, felt like I had to stay behind.

Why do only mother hens think they should stay in the nest with their young?

The image of my husband enjoying pudding in the Taverna Celtica, in the idyllic mountains of southern Austria, was simply too crazy for words.

I posted a frustrated comment on his Instagram page, but quickly deleted it once the anger had died down – but not before the Daily Mail’s Richard Eden noticed the comment, who subsequently reported it.

To put my mind at ease, a friend told me she recently took off her Birkenstock shoe and threw it at her husband after catching him scrolling on his iPhone while she was alone with their three children under the age of five.

She fears she may have broken his rib – I must have just made a bad joke.

WILLIAM’S (KIND OF) MEA CULPA: ‘When did sports day become a holy day? And besides, I’m going to school prize day to see Cosima dressed as a bug!’

Here, 57-year-old William, who was previously married to jewelry heiress Ilaria Bulgari and Mick Jagger’s ex Vanessa Neumann, tries to justify himself… or is he just making matters worse?

When I was invited in March, during the cold months, to attend a music festival in South Carinthia, Austria, in June, I consulted Laura, who had also been invited.

The program included a sung ‘jazz mass’ in the 14th-century pilgrimage cathedral Maria Saal, with a choir alternating Latin songs with texts from Jesus Christ Superstar.

William Cash was previously married to Mick Jagger’s ex, Vanessa Neumann

Here he is with another ex, jewelry heiress Ilaria Bulgari

Lady Laura posted a sarcastic and snappy comment online, scolding her husband for missing sports day, he claims

After ten years of marriage, William has reflected on the difference between his marriage to Laura (pictured) and his two previous failures

It sounded tempting, even though it was still school time.

I dutifully got the green light from Laura and booked the plane tickets. Everything went well until about three weeks before departure, when I realized to my horror that it clashed with our children’s annual school sports day. My heart sank.

Anyway, I decided to make the trip anyway. I stupidly posted a few photos on Instagram, though: me enjoying a beer after a sweaty hike up a Sound Of Music-esque mountain. A photo of my host’s home bar was less wise. The bar at Claridge’s glittered with silver cocktail shakers and vodka bottles, making it look like a railway kiosk.

No wonder Laura responded with a sarcastic comment reprimanding me for missing sports day.

But what kind of social crime is missing from Sports Day—an event elevated to “holy day” status? While important, Sports Day is not a secular holy day of civic obligation.

Laura’s multitasking talents as a brilliant and overworked milliner, extraordinary chatelaine, mother, wife and vacation rental manager make her my partner in crime, writes her husband

Lady Laura and William with Liz Hurley at a book launch in London in 2019

I made sure I wasn’t absent from Cosima’s 9th birthday party – supervising a bouncy castle party with 25 adults and 30 children. I’ll also be attending the school prize giving and seeing Cosima dressed up in a bug costume in The Lion King.

Because I work from home several days a week, I see my children much more often than my parents’ generation did.

After ten years of marriage, I’ve been thinking about the difference between my marriage to Laura and my two previous failures.

The key now – apart from having pugs and children – is that my career as an author is no longer of particular importance to me. There are hundreds of obese writers with a half-successful novel or book to their name. Anyone who cares more about literary success than love must be crazy. Now the only things that matter to me are my marriage, love and family.

Third time’s the charm, by the grace of God alone. Laura’s multitasking talents as brilliant and overworked milliner, chatelaine extraordinaire, mother, wife and holiday cottage manager make her my partner in crime – with laughter here at Upton Cressett that often feels like we’re living above the set of Fawlty Towers.

Yes, I should have checked the school diary, but sports day will never be as important as our wedding day.

Our tenth anniversary this year may not have included a trip to Venice (where we spent our first holiday together in 2013), but we did celebrate with two mugs of hot chocolate at the Costa café at Wolverhampton station, on the way to dinner with friends in London.

That’s domestic bliss. A Costa café made us as happy as if we had gone back and partied at Florian, in Venice, the most expensive bar in Europe.