Brave cop who shot Lindt Siege terrorist dead reveals heartbreaking new details about the moment he stormed the building – and why he’s still haunted by the tragedy

The officer who shot dead terrorist Man Monis to end the Sydney Lindt Cafe siege has finally been exposed as he recalled the worst moment in the aftermath when he heard the hostage who died in his arms was killed by a police bullet.

Ben Besant, whose identity was suppressed for almost a decade, told Channel Seven Spotlight that his world came crashing down when the then NSW Assistant Commissioner told officers a bullet fired ricocheted and killed lawyer and mother-of-three Katrina Dawson, 38.

Mr Besant, who watched Ms Dawson die in his arms just hours earlier after leading the elite NSW Police Tactical Operations Unit (TOU) into the cafe on December 16, 2014, said the news devastated him.

“When I heard this, I remember feeling like throwing up,” he told reporter Chris Reason on Sunday evening.

“I was just completely overwhelmed, like my world was crashing around me.”

Afterwards, Mr Besant said he started seeing Ms Dawson, who was killed by a ricochet, ‘everywhere’, especially if a woman had the same hair colour.

“Every time I saw a blonde lady, I totally saw it as her,” Mr. Besant said.

“I would have a panic attack at that moment.”

The then undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) was so bad that Mr. Besant walked through the police station all the time with his hand on his gun.

“I was ready for the next fight, the next threat,” Besant said

“I could even imagine other police officers just getting shot as I walked around, not shooting at me or me shooting them.

‘I just saw them being shot and bleeding to death in front of my eyes. I was in a dark place there for a long time.”

Mr Besant revealed that when he and his Alpha team of TOU officers stood around the corner waiting for the order to storm the cafe, they thought Monis had a bomb in a large backpack he was carrying, which later turned out to be a ruse turned out to be.

When three hostages escaped from the cafe, prompting Monis to fire a shot, which missed the fleeing trio, Mr. Besant expected to hear the order to rush in.

“I fully believed that going in would mean my death,” Mr Besant said.

‘We joked that this was the last job we were going to do and that we were all going to get blown up… but then it got real and we all went quiet.

“Then we started texting our partners and getting certain pictures of our kids and saying goodbye.”

While pregnant with their second child, Mr Besant’s wife Lisa turned on the television to watch the terrifying drama unfold directly opposite Seven’s Sydney studios in Martin Place.

The couple’s toddler made a surprising observation about the officers, whose faces were almost completely hidden behind their helmets.

The little girl recognized Mr. Besant by his blue eyes, the only facial feature visible.

“She said, ‘Look, there’s daddy,’” Lisa said.

Lisa then received a farewell message from Mr. Besant requesting a photo of their daughter.

“I wasn’t really sure he was going to meet our other child… it wasn’t good to think that,” Lisa said.

Despite the Alpha group’s insistence on the order to go in, it didn’t come until after 2 a.m. the next morning after three other groups of hostages had gone out and Monis had executed cafe manager Tori Johnson with his sheared-off pump-action rifle.

Only then did officers finally storm the building, sixteen and a half hours after the siege began.

Mr Besant, who led the attack alongside an officer holding a bullet shield, said he looked across the cafe straight at Monis and pointed the flare on his weapon and laser at the terrorist.

“I remember seeing his gun pointed right at us,” Mr. Besant said.

‘We looked each other straight in the eye.’

Mr Besant said, as in the films, time slowed down “so much” at the crucial moment.

“I knew the only way to save anyone else in that cafe was to kill him,” Mr Besant said.

“I remember looking into his eyes and thinking, ‘I’m going to kill you.’

“I think I got one or two shots at the start. And then, yes, the huge muzzle flash (as Monis fired back).

“I remember holding back and waiting for it to have an effect on me, but it didn’t.”

He continued to move and shoot towards Monis.

“I was completely fixated on shooting him,” Mr. Besant said

‘He’s still not down. And I know I hit him, pointed my laser pointers at him, and he still hasn’t fallen.

“So then I raised my laser pointer at his neck and started shooting at his head. I had to get him down. I had to stop him from detonating the bomb.”

Finally the shooting stopped.

“I remember looking down at him with my gun and oh yeah, I became acutely aware that he was no longer a threat,” Mr. Besant said.

“The breakdown of me standing over this man that I just violently shot and killed.”

However, something even more traumatic followed when police cleared out the six remaining hostages.

Mr Besant said as he searched the room he looked under some tables.

“I see the top of what I believe is someone’s head,” he said.

‘ realized it was a blonde-haired lady, dressed like a suit, with a ponytail at the end.”

The following moments of him cradling Ms Dawson, a Sydney lawyer, in his arms are something Mr Besant said he sees ‘daily’

“I just looked into her eyes,” he said.

‘Every breath she took became less and less.

‘I knew at this point there was nothing I could do.

“I really wanted to, I just wanted her to take one more breath.”

‘Inside myself I’m thinking, ‘Please, please take one more breath, please.’

“Each breath became shorter and shorter and shorter and then she stopped breathing.

‘Something I will never forget, she literally died in my arms. The saddest moment of my life.’

A coronial inquiry into the 2015-2016 siege was damning about the police response to the siege, especially the delay in sending the TOU strike team.

During these proceedings, Besant’s name was deleted and he was labeled ‘Officer A’.

It took a nine-year battle in the NSW Supreme Court, backed by Seven, for Besant to finally reveal his identity.

The nearly decade-long repression had an impact on Mr Besant’s PTSD and he claimed it cost him his career and his marriage to Lisa.

“It’s become such a big deal for me to get my name back,” he said.

After the PTSD became too overwhelming to remain in law enforcement, Mr. Besant found a second career as a carpenter.