Two couples raised each other’s biological daughters after an IVF mix-up… and then swapped them back

For two couples in California who were victims of an IVF mix-up, Thanksgiving looks a little different than most.

Alexander and Daphna Cardinale gave birth to a stranger’s baby in 2019 and raised her, May, as their own for months, until DNA testing revealed their embryos had been switched with those of another couple – who are now the biological daughter of the Cardinale, raised Zoe as their own child.

When DNA testing revealed that May was owned by Annie and her husband, who used a nickname and remained anonymous for privacy reasons, both couples decided to hand their daughters over to their biological parents.

For the past five years, the Cardinales, Annie and her husband, who live just ten minutes away from each other, have been blended and co-parenting as each couple wanted to remain involved in the life of the child they first raised . three months of her life.

Alexander said: ‘There is no one who can give you advice. So in the end, the four of us kind of huddled together, and it’s a blessing that we’re all on the same page.

‘Since then we have spent every holiday together. Since then we have celebrated every birthday together, and we have merged the families, so to speak.’

Despite the move, the families never wanted to sever ties. The girls went to the same kindergarten and both enrolled in ballet so they could see each other more often.

Play dates are common and the families even came together as one blended family in a formal ceremony officiated by the same pastor who married Daphna and Alexander.

Daphna gave birth to May (pictured right) in September 2019. Her eldest daughter Olivia (pictured left) immediately bonded with her little sister

Before the devastating revelation, Daphna was overjoyed as she and her husband welcomed their daughter into the world New York Times reported.

But it didn’t take long for Alexander to notice that their newborn May had jet black hair, nothing close to her mother’s red hair or her father’s fair features.

Suspicion lingered on Alexander’s mind for weeks, and he used dark humor to joke about a possible mix-up. Friends and family continually commented on the lack of resemblance, but Daphna tried to allay their concerns.

It wasn’t until a close friend told her what Alexander had suggested – one of them wasn’t May’s biological parent.

They ordered an at-home DNA test, which showed that neither parent was biologically related to their newborn.

Annie and her husband battled the same suspicions. Their daughter Zoë had blond hair and deep blue eyes. She looked nothing like her mother, a Latina, or her father, who is Asian-American.

Annie was assured by Zoë’s pediatrician when she was two months old that her deep blue eyes were the result of the rare passage of a recessive gene. But friends’ comments about her baby’s appearance bothered her.

After reading the DNA results, Daphna and Alexander feared that it was only a matter of time until May’s biological parents wanted to take her from them.

She told me People: ‘I carried this child. I gave birth to her. She felt so familiar to me that it didn’t even occur to me that she couldn’t be ours.’

But the Cardinales knew it was only right to reach out to the other couple. So they notified their fertility clinic, who then told Annie and her husband.

The day after Christmas in 2019, the couples met at a law firm to discuss how to move forward.

Alexander was the first to express what they were all thinking but were afraid to say: they had to change their babies.

The couples agreed on a gradual transition that would begin with day visits and then overnight sleepovers, eventually culminating in a permanent swap.

When the families decided that May would go to her birth mother, and the baby Annie delivered, Zoë, would go to Daphna, Olivia had a particularly difficult time.

The transition was difficult.

While Alexander said it immediately felt good to hold Zoe, the mothers had a harder time adjusting: “The moment my hands went under my daughter’s arms and we looked into each other’s eyes, something came over me.” powerful and unexpected. I knew this child.

‘At the same time, Daphna and I were so devastated and sad… about the loss of our biological daughter.’

After the swap, Daphna struggled to build the bond with Zoe that she had had with May, and sometimes, when feeding Zoe in the early morning hours, she would be struck with panic and think she had the wrong baby.

When the families visited each other, Annie had to resist running to Zoe when she cried. At night, Daphna had invasive thoughts that May needed her.

They struggled with the decision they made, and both families wondered if the confusion would have long-lasting consequences for the girls.

By the time both couples met each other’s babies, Zoe and May were three months old, barely old enough to be fully awake to the world, but still aware enough to beam into Annie and Daphna’s faces when they saw them and recognize their smell and touch.

Beatrice Beebe, a psychology professor at Columbia University Medical School who studies infant development, told The New York Times: “It’s a difficult change, but achievable. The baby would have to learn a whole bunch of new patterns, but babies are fantastic learners.”

The transition was also difficult for each family’s older children: Daphna and Alexander’s daughter Olivia and Annie’s son, whose name she withheld due to privacy concerns.

The two families remained close, however, and one day Annie texted Daphna, “We can definitely visit them all and see how our girls are doing. It’s so hard. I don’t know how to let go.’

Daphna said, ‘What if we don’t “let go”? What if we only have two babies? We share them.

“We have to find a way to have both babies.” Spend a lot of time together. Raise these girls together.”

Annie immediately agreed, “Yes, let’s raise them together. Let’s have two babies.’

The families met often. May and Zoe went to the same preschool, and when they went to separate preschools, they still saw each other at least once a week.

Birthdays and holidays were shared and the older children of both families also became good friends.

The families felt that their situation was gradually becoming more normal. May still calls Alexander ‘Papa Xander’ and Daphna ‘Mama Daphna’, Zoe addresses Annie and her husband the same way.

The Cardinales has filed suit against the clinic for medical malpractice, negligence and breach of contract.

They settled their lawsuit out of court in 2022, mainly out of concern that Oliva would have to take the stand. Details of the settlement are not publicly available, but an attorney for the clinic told The New York Times that “the parties have reached an amicable settlement.”

And Annie added that May and Zoe, now five, are “still at it.”