Why I, and countless other gay men, owe Shawn Mendes an apology, writes BRAD POLUMBO

I owe Shawn Mendes an apology. And honestly, thousands of other people do too.

After years of speculation about the metrosexual heartthrob’s bedroom preferences, the pop star spoke out at a concert in Colorado this week, explaining that even at 26, he’s “still figuring out” which way he swings .

“Since I was very young, there has been something about my sexuality, and people have been talking about it for so long,” Mendes said on stage. “It always felt like an intrusion into something very personal to me, something I was figuring out within myself, something I had yet to discover and have yet to discover.”

“The real truth,” he concluded, is that “I’m figuring it out just like everyone else.”

Well, now I feel a bit terrible!

Because I must confess that, like so many other gay men and so-called “allies,” I participated in those years of intense Internet speculation—obsession, really—about Mendes’ sexuality.

Whether they have propagated the stereotype of better-groomed, more feminine men must being gay – or thirstily theorizing about his latest eyebrow-raising appearance (he seems to be doing that too). Love a tight crop top!) – the internet mafia has been giving poor Shawn a hard time. And unfortunately, I have been part of that, albeit in a smaller, less vulgar way.

Sure, I’ve been joking with gay friends for years that even though Mendes has had top girlfriends, he must be one of us. And God knows I probably tweeted or posted something sassy online too.

The problem is that it all seems to have taken a terrible toll – resulting in Mendes being effectively bullied into coming out of the closet, or at least saying he’s somewhere on the sexual spectrum.

That he spoke out is not surprising given how intense and persistent this online campaign has been.

All you have to do is watch a viral video this month – a clip from a recent interview, in which a pumped-up Mendes was still wearing an impossibly tight crop top.

The comments below the video – many of which cannot be published here – were as cruel as they were endless.

“I know what you are, Shawn,” one user mocked.

“Has he officially come out yet?” asked another.

Because I must confess that I, like so many other gay men and so-called “allies,” participated in those years of intense Internet speculation—obsession, really—about Mendes’ sexuality.

The most tragic part of what Mendes had to say this week in Colorado is that he believes his ongoing confusion about his sexuality is a universal experience: “I’m just figuring it out, just like everyone else.”

The truth is, in this waking world of 2024, it’s no longer common to still be “figuring things out” at 26.

Fortunately, the years are over when gay men routinely remained in the closet well into adulthood, hiding their true feelings or entering into unhappy marriages of convenience.

Coincidentally, Mendes and I are the same age, born just a few months apart. I started to understand that I was gay when I was thirteen.

I was in denial for years afterwards. But by the time I was 19, I had it all figured out. I then accidentally got “outed” by my teenage sister at Thanksgiving dinner (that was an awkward holiday!) but I still planned to tell my family soon.

The early 2000s when Mendes and I were growing up—before gay marriage and other equal rights became law—were vastly different from America today.

Now the idea of ​​turning 26 and still living in a state of confusion seems deeply sad to me.

Despite all the embrace of gay storylines and stars, Hollywood and the music industry still maintain a clear preference for heterosexual icons. After all, they are easier to sell to the large, largely direct market.

Sure, I’ve been joking with gay friends for years that even though Mendes has had top girlfriends (like Camila Cabello, pictured), he must be one of us.

Maybe that’s part of the problem. But it is also undoubtedly true that years of cyber-harassment contributed to Mendes’ late-stage confusion.

Modern society, especially the progressive left, is just too damn obsessed with identity.

Ultimately, online liberals preach acceptance and love, but then demonize those like Mendes who refuse to conform to their woke wish list and make their private desires public.

Whether it’s the delusion about an ever-expanding list of imaginary pronouns or the constant invention of new “sexualities,” young progressives have glorified sexual difference as an indispensable accessory, valorizing victimhood and converting identity politics into social currency.

This invasive – and, frankly, itchy – obsession was always going to create a toxic culture. And famous faces like Mendes have paid the price.