Maura Higgins breaks down in tears as she reveals she ‘blamed herself for so long’ for her best friend’s tragic death: ‘I beat myself up over it, it would have been different’

Maura Higgins bravely opened up about her best friend’s death in an emotional new interview on Tuesday, admitting she blamed herself.

The Love Island icon, 33, reflected on how her close friend Andrew Rowan was tragically killed aged 26 when his motorbike was involved in a three-car accident in Co Athlone, Ireland in 2017.

Maura told how the tragic accident made her realize how short life can be and admitted she is still struggling with the loss.

Speaking to Paul Carrick Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast, Maura said: ‘I blamed myself for it for so long because when I look back on that day, the day was so crazy.

‘I can’t wrap my head around it. He called me and he finished work early, which wasn’t really the intention. He said “I finished work early, let’s grab some food”. I was like, ‘I can’t get fucked, I’m still in my pajamas, I really can’t get fucked.’

The Love Island icon, 33, reflected on how her close friend Andrew Rowan was tragically killed aged 26 when his motorbike was involved in a three-car accident in Co Athlone, Ireland in 2017.

Maura continued: ‘I’m not as bad about it as I was back then, but I still think ‘why didn’t I just go with him’. He wouldn’t have been on the motorcycle, we would have been in his car, we would have been fed and maybe the day would have been different.”

Holding back tears, the model said: ‘I don’t want to cry. I’m not much of a cryer either. I think I just beat myself up about it because it would have been different.”

Paul asked the Irish star if she really blames herself to this day, to which she replied: “I just know it would have been different if I had just gotten dressed and not been so lazy.”

Despite not having dinner with Andrew, Maura revealed that she actually saw him the day he died.

She shared: ‘I didn’t go to dinner, but I still saw him that day. I’ll never forget him coming on the bike and I immediately remember saying, “Why are you on the bike?” He’s not a biker and every time he was on it I just didn’t understand it. I just didn’t like it. He said, “It’s a great day, it’s a wonderful day outside.”

‘I’ll never forget that when he left he said he was going for a ride on his bike. I went to the bathroom and I heard his engine and I got chills.

‘I remember thinking to myself, ‘Maura, stop thinking.’ Then a few hours later I get a phone call. When I look back, it’s such a strange day.’

Reflecting on the moment she heard Andrew had died in the crash, Maura admitted she didn’t believe the news and called him “maybe a hundred times.”

Maura told how the tragic accident made her realize how short life can be and admitted she is still struggling with the loss

Speaking to Paul Carrick Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast, Maura said: ‘I blamed myself for it for so long because when I look back on that day, the day was so crazy.

Holding back tears, the model said: ‘I don’t want to cry. I’m not much of a cryer either. I think I just beat myself up about it because it would have been different.”

She confessed that she “physically couldn’t stop” when her then-boyfriend broke the tragic news, saying she “instantly” knew it was true when she saw his face.

Elsewhere during the podcast Maura admitted she ‘didn’t want to be here’ after her sudden fame on Love Island.

The model, who starred in the ITV dating series in 2019, said she suffered from ‘dark thoughts’ after being ‘dropped’ into London from her native Ireland.

Maura recalled the “very frightening” period in her life when she found herself in the public eye with no one she could trust.

She began: “Life after Love Island was a really difficult time in my life.

‘I’ve just been dropped off to Britain. It was as if someone had just picked me up, taken me to Britain and I was in the public eye. I had nowhere to live. I had no friends, no family, no one I could trust.”

Maura continued, “I did everything on my own. I’ve been independent all my life. But that was a lot. That was scary. Very, very scary.

“And I remember I would often fake a smile. It was so busy at work. I barely got any sleep.

‘Everywhere I went I was chased by the paps. I had no clothes. I had a suitcase of nothing but Love Island bikinis that were probably crunchy.

Elsewhere during the podcast, Maura admitted she “didn’t want to be here” after her sudden Love Island fame

She admitted: ‘I had a breakdown. I had dark thoughts, very dark thoughts. And it got to the point where I don’t think I even told my mum (pictured on Love Island in 2019)

‘I had nothing, nothing at all. I lived in a hotel in London because that’s where all my work was and it was very congested. There was no break.

“It went from one thing to another, from radio to this photo shoot until you signed contracts with brands.”

She admitted: ‘I had a breakdown. I had dark thoughts, very dark thoughts. And it got to the point where I don’t think I even told my mom. I tell my mother everything. I didn’t tell her how bad it was.

‘I didn’t want to be here anymore. I thought that would be for the best.

‘So much was expected of me. And because I was there alone, I thought, “I just don’t have anyone to help.”

“Moving across the country while being thrust into the public eye is terrifying. I felt so mentally exhausted just putting on the smile. There were so many things I did that I don’t even remember. I was miserable,” Maura revealed.

The TV personality, who finished in fourth place in the fifth series of the British show in 2019, is now the social media ambassador for Love Island USA. She has since appeared on Dancing on Ice and presented segments on This Morning.