I’m a relationship expert – Gen Z’s new dating trend might actually stop them finding love

Since the launch of social media and dating apps, the dating world has perhaps never been more exciting or more exhausting, depending on who you ask.

From swiping to matching and then to chatting online for weeks and sometimes months before graduating to a date, a new wave of singles, namely Gen Zs, may be growing tired of these endless stages of romance.

According to New York-based relationship expert and founder of the Wingman dating app, Tina Wilson, the endless back and forth or “carousel” could be fueling anxiety and “pressure” among daters.

Tina attributes this to social media and technology, which she says “extends the anticipation” before an actual date; which ultimately leads to overthinking and fear of the ‘unknown’.

Carousel is essentially “the feeling of being stuck in an endless loop of messages before meeting a match on a dating app,” she told FEMAIL exclusively.

“For the Gen Z generation, carousel is more about dating app burnout, feeling overwhelmed by too many choices, leading to constant messaging out of fear that something better is always around the corner.

‘This arises from a build-up of expectation and uncertainty. This is essentially the psychology behind it.

‘Prolonged anticipation can create unrealistic expectations, overthinking and pressure on both daters, which, once activated, can make it very difficult for them to meet in person.

“The unknown becomes too much, and it’s over before it even begins,” she concluded.”

The expert also spoke about today’s dating culture, one that relies on online social networking and encourages “a lack of non-verbal cues.”

“Social media and technology have put pressure not only on dating culture, but on society in general,” she said.

‘There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors, and the pressure to impress or present a version of yourself that you want others to see, which reflects an online profile of perfectionism.

“But that’s not real, so especially with Gen Z or people who live and breathe social media, this culture only sets daters up for disappointment.”

Although Tina suggested getting out of the “carousel rut” as quickly as possible, she also warned against getting involved with a potential match too quickly, as this also came with its own dangers.

She added: ‘There’s also an unspoken pressure to meet someone straight away, but that’s not necessarily the answer, and it can cause other problems if you date someone who isn’t right for you.

“So I wouldn’t necessarily advise forcing yourself to meet someone in person sooner than you feel like just because you’re afraid you’ll get stuck in the carousel rut.” Do what feels right for you.”

Tina, the CEO of dating app Wingman since 2017, also shared five tips for tackling carousel that she says will help calm nerves and make dating ‘fun’ again.

This is how you escape the ‘carousel rut’

1. Be strategic with your matches

Tina recommends daters do some work before starting the getting-to-know-you phase as this will help you find the right match and avoid wasting your time.

For this she suggests apps such as her own Wingman, which leaves much of the courtship to family and friends; Hopefully it will relieve some of the pressure for you.

“This is why I’m a big believer in friends helping play matchmaker and removing many of the hurdles that traditional online dating presents,” she explained.

‘If a friend can help you match someone and make the introductions, it automatically reduces the pressure on both daters.

‘That’s why we make it a tribal experience with Wingman: your friends choose your matches and swipe for you. Your pool of potential dates is limited by your friends, making the process more focused and less overwhelming.

‘This allows the conversation to flow better, ultimately removing any built-up anxiety about meeting, and naturally moving you to a place where it becomes easier to arrange a date in person.’

2. Assess your digital profile

For some, their social media page includes the best of the best, and there’s no telling what filters or apps they used to create the perfect image.

But “this perfectionism in social media culture is creating a disconnect between how you appear online and in person,” Tina warned.

‘You should review all your profile pictures and your online presence as soon as possible. A carefully curated version of yourself can lead to higher expectations, causing you to postpone meeting in person for fear of rejection.

‘Let’s face it, we all do a little bit of research into potential dates online, so what do you put there? Be as authentic as possible. Ask a friend or family member to help you because they know you best and can encourage you while making sure you stay true to yourself.”

She reminded daters that the feeling goes both ways, and to consider whether you would be surprised if you met someone who looked and acted completely different in person.

3. Try a video call

For singles who feel lost on that first meeting, a video call could be the trick you need to “transition to real-life interaction,” says the expert.

‘You don’t have to be stuck in an endless cycle of WhatsApps or online messages, or feel like you have to respond immediately.

‘Once you’ve built a good connection with someone online, it’s important to gradually move on to interacting in real life, whether through a phone call, a video call or a face-to-face meeting.

‘This will help you stop overthinking possible scenarios and situations. Many Gen Z daters prefer a video call on a first date, which is a great way to limit the build-up of anxiety because you address it right away.

“By doing this, you can not only gauge the things you have in common, but you’ll also be in the comfort of your own home, which will help dramatically reduce the cycle of overthinking.”

4. Nerves are normal

The expert explained: ‘Dating and meeting new people can naturally trigger nervous feelings in us, but remember: this is a normal process. It’s normal to have some nervous energy, so remind yourself of this fact.

“It shows you care, so tell yourself it’s a positive thing.” A few nerves are normal; you are human after all.

“Try to allay any concerns by communicating with a friend or family member so that you can communicate your feelings to them before the date and ease any concerns.”

5. Set a timer and remember that dating is fun

If you approach your search for love with the same style you approach your job search, you’re at risk ‘fatigue’ and ‘online/swiping burnout’ warns Tina.

“You will have a more positive attitude and a healthier approach if you make time for online dating or communicating with a potential match.”

For those addicted to dating apps, Tina fears FOMO (fear of missing out) syndrome could be to blame.

“Remember, dating should be fun,” she added. ‘Maintaining balance keeps you in the right mindset and prevents you from being trapped in a repetitive cycle.

‘Just because something is accessible 24/7 doesn’t mean you have to be online 24/7, does it?’