I’m offended that the only thing Zelda can consume in Echoes of Wisdom are smoothies

Before I start talking about smoothies and women, I need to make one thing clear: the girls are not doing well. And by “the girls” I mean myself, and some of my other friends who don’t identify as men. When I heard that The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom finally putting Zelda behind the wheel of her own game, I was clearly ecstatic. I’m a woman and I like to play games as a woman, and this is my first chance to do that for my favorite franchise of all time.

But now that the game is out, so am I all in my head about the game’s portrayal of Zelda, and a girl protagonist in general. I have many thoughts that are varying degrees of unhinged. (That’s a general comment about me and how I feel about it Echoestoo.) And one thing I can’t shake is the fact that the only way Zelda can consume food in this game is by drink smoothies.

Smoothies – the icy liquid food that is shoved in women’s faces all their lives because it’s healthy, low-carb and something you can consume subtly. Don’t get me wrong, I love smoothies, and obviously people of all genders can drink smoothies. But liquid diets have long been a choice method that the health and fitness industry has used to convince women that they don’t actually need to eat that much. If you’re a mom too busy to make dinner, don’t ask your child’s other parent for help – just make a smoothie! Don’t want to look bloated before a big event? Smoothie! Are you ashamed of eating in public because you don’t want to be seen consuming calories? SMOOTHIE!

And now, if I am Finally When I play perhaps my favorite video game character, I should replenish her health not with savory steamed vegetables or spicy pepper steak, but with Refreshing blended smoothie. Even worse, Zelda’s smoothies are only made with two ingredients! Where’s the protein? At least give me the option to mix in some Greek yogurt.

Am I thinking too much about gender when it comes to this game? Probably. But having the franchise’s first female lead drink only smoothies feels very much like an “all the women were sick that day” kind of decision.

I imagine a group of guys sitting around a desk asking each other what women eat. “Smoothies!” they say, and on the other side of the world I twist and turn in my sleep, knowing that something wrong has just been committed. (As a journalist, I should note that I have absolutely no evidence whatsoever that men were at the helm of the smoothie decision, nor that that choice had anything to do with Zelda’s gender.)

But as a girl, playing as a girl, I Real I wish the developers would have her shovel some tacos down her esophagus, like we all do in real life. Basically have her drip the salsa on her cheek and leave it there all day. Let her go back for a moment. Let her snack between meals. Let her be full!