How to tell if it’s time to ‘break up’ with a friend, by expert DR FELICITY BAKER

Strong friendships are essential to our well-being. But sometimes our relationships with people we’ve considered friends for a long time can do us more harm than good.

Untrustworthiness, lying, or hurtful behavior can all destroy a once healthy friendship. But it’s often hard to recognize the signs that it’s time to move on.

However, it is vital that we do. Dealing with negativity, criticism or drama can leave us feeling drained and undermining our self-confidence. The emotional toll of a bad friendship can even be seen physically, through headaches, sleep problems and prolonged stress.

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Signs include feeling tense when you see them, or anxious when their messages come in. It may even feel like an obligation to spend time with them. Where you used to share your problems and secrets, you no longer feel emotionally safe.

Here’s How to Know When a Friendship Is Over – and Why – and Walk Away Without Regret…

THE TOXIC FRIENDSHIP

A friendship has become toxic when the relationship negatively impacts your self-confidence and overall happiness. Your friend may be critical or dismissive of you, respond spitefully to your performance, or gaslight you when you try to express concerns. This can lead to self-doubt as you question your own experiences.

A toxic friendship can also feel unbalanced, with the focus on your friend’s needs rather than your own. You may find yourself trying to please them or blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault. Toxic friends may respond to difficult situations by shutting you out, or being overly demanding and needy.

How to leave: Don’t ignore the signs by convincing yourself that their thoughtless behavior “isn’t that bad” or that they “didn’t mean it” when they insulted you.

Confrontations can be scary, but if you don’t set boundaries out of fear of conflict, the situation may never change.

If possible, make an appointment, calmly explain your feelings, and explain that you have nothing more to gain from the friendship. You don’t have to listen to recriminations or anger – sometimes leaving means just that. Or it might be easier to write down your feelings; avoid insults or personal attacks, just say how you feel and wish them well.

THE FLOATING FRIENDSHIP

Sometimes friendships, especially those with a strong and positive history, can drift. There may be no need for a permanent end to the friendship, as long as you both accept that things have drifted and feel able to reconnect, should you wish to do so.

However, if you feel like you don’t really have much in common anymore, and keeping in touch is starting to feel like an obligation, it’s time to let it go for good.

How to leave: In this case, it’s nice to have the conversation, instead of ignoring her. A simple message saying, “I want you to be happy, but I don’t think our old friendship is going to help either of us,” gives you a chance to say goodbye.

Acknowledging that things have changed is usually enough to close the chapter with good wishes.

THE UNBALANCED FRIENDSHIP

When a friend is struggling, it makes sense for the other to step up and be more supportive. But sometimes this one-sidedness persists and you end up feeling unsupported or taken for granted.

The emotional toll of a bad friendship can even manifest itself physically, through headaches, sleep problems and long-term stress

If things have been different in the past, having an open conversation about how you’re feeling can help restore balance. Even seeking outside perspectives from people you trust can help you clarify your feelings and find a way forward.

But if your friend is unable or unwilling to acknowledge your feelings and restore equality, you may feel like you don’t want to give anymore. In that case, leaving is the best option for your own sanity and well-being.

How to leave: Talk to your friend as soon as you notice changes that affect your trust and well-being. This will give you a chance to understand what went wrong and decide whether the friendship can still be saved. But if the problems are entrenched in your friendship, it may be too late. If you have been deeply hurt, ignored or unsupported, feel manipulated, or have had your trust broken in other ways, the relationship may not be salvageable—and it may be best to walk away.

* ultimateresilience.co.uk