The question everyone is asking about tragic 12-year-old Charlotte O’Brien who took her own life after being bullied at school – as a child psychologist reveals the awful dilemma her heartbroken mum faced

A child psychology expert has revealed the traumatic choice made by the distraught mother of the 12-year-old girl who committed suicide after being bullied at school.

Charlotte O’Brien, a first-year student at Santa Sabina College in Strathfield, Sydney’s west, committed suicide earlier this month after two years of suffering. She said her classmates used confidential information to bully her relentlessly.

Emails between Charlotte’s mother Kerry O’Brien and the school reveal that Mrs O’Brien believed the bullying was having a “serious impact” on her daughter’s mental health.

She was faced with a heartbreaking decision: should she pull her daughter out of her school and withdraw her halfway through the school year, or should she try to work with school staff to resolve the problem.

Brisbane senior child psychiatrist Dr Jillian Spencer said the dilemma of leaving a school, even a toxic one, mid-year wasan extremely difficult one for parents.

“We hope the social environment at the new school will be more pleasant, but that is not certain yet,” Dr Spencer told Daily Mail Australia.

‘I have seen children who have coped very well with a change of school, but I have also seen children who have not been able to cope with the pressures of being the ‘new kid’, especially if their self-confidence has been damaged by recent negative experiences.

‘Some parents worry that moving schools will teach their child to give up when things go wrong, but that’s not a big problem if it’s just a one-school move.’

For some families, purchasing a new school uniform and the associated costs can be a financial burden.

And then there is the fear that the reason for the bullying will continue to haunt the child even at the new school, through online abuse and social media.

In Charlotte’s tragic case, she discovered on Google that her biological father, whom she never knew, had a violent criminal past and told some friends.

Unfortunately, that information was then mercilessly used against her, the family said.

But even in the age of social media, Dr. Spencer believed it was still possible for a child to go to a new school, get into trouble, and have to start over with a “clean slate.”

“I’ve seen that clinically and it’s amazing to see a child recover,” she said.

According to Dr. Spencer, persistent bullying is usually caused by a combination of factors, rather than one factor such as family background.

She said it depends on the individual personalities of the children in the classroom or grade level doing the bullying, their parents’ willingness to intervene, the school’s ability to address bullying and the vulnerabilities of the child being bullied.

Charlotte gave out personal family information to some friends, but unfortunately she said it was used against her

Brisbane-based senior child psychiatrist Dr Jillian Spencer said there were no guarantees that moving schools would eliminate the bullying situation

While Dr. Spencer could only comment on Charlotte’s case based on what she had read, the World Health Organization (WHO) cautions against attributing suicide to just one factor.

“The risk of suicide should not be exaggerated, nor presented as monocausal, nor should it be considered an appropriate way of coping with adversity,” a WHO guideline said.

Dr. Spencer offered some general advice for parents who feel their children are being bullied at school.

“Parents should keep detailed information about alleged incidents and the children involved so that the school has clear information to take action,” she said.

‘If serious bullying lasts longer than two to three months, it can affect the child’s development.

‘The child may begin to see himself and the world in a different light due to the ongoing negative experiences.

‘There should be constant discussion with the child about what he or she is experiencing and whether the child sees opportunities to improve things, so that he or she maintains a sense of hope.’

According to Dr. Spencer, there should also be an “ongoing conversation” between the parents and the school, including the school psychologist/dean, about factors that can be put in place to protect the child.

For parents who are concerned that a school is not being proactive enough, Dr Spencer says it is important to communicate this in writing ‘to ensure the concerns are not ignored’.

“Parents should also talk to senior school staff and the school psychologist or school guidance officer about the situation,” Dr. Spencer said.

“If mental health services are involved, they can also contact the school to ensure concerns are addressed.”