M&S boss reveals heartbreaking preparations that made his cancer patient’s death ‘beautiful’

A former Marks & Spencer executive has revealed the series of heartbreaking actions his family took before his wife’s death that made the end of her life “beautiful”.

Robert Swannell CBE, who was chairman of M&S between 2011 and 2017, lost his wife Patricia to advanced breast cancer last year at the age of 71.

The family was told that the disease she had beaten more than a decade ago had returned in 2021. The disease had spread to her bones, liver and abdomen and was terminal.

Now, a year after her death, Mr Swannell has revealed that his wife’s exceptionally practical approach to her mortality has helped the family cope.

By facing the bleak situation head-on, Mrs Swannell, an artist and former investment banker, was able to organise important activities, such as recording her last conversations with her children.

Patricia designed and built the maze at Wakehurst Place, Sussex

The couple’s daughter, Alicia, 38, wrote down a long list of questions she wanted to ask her mother about her life, including whether she had ever broken the law and what she was most proud of.

‘S“He and her brother recorded a lot of these conversations on their phones,” Swannell told The Telegraph.

“It gave us the opportunity to talk endlessly about our lives, her hopes and dreams for the children.”

The family’s preparation meant that there was no ‘unfinished business’ with ‘e“Every little grudge or shaky moment in her life was examined and forgiven.”

It also meant She was allowed to witness the wedding of her eldest child, Will, 40.

“It made such a difference to Patricia to see her son get married,” Swannell said. “At the wedding the choir sang the old song, Button up your Overcoat, that Patricia used to sing to Will when he was very young, and everyone was crying.”

Patricia Swannell recognized early on that she was “going to be terminal” and “immediately began planning her death.”

“This approach wouldn’t be for everyone, but it suited her to acknowledge the death, not to get angry about it, but to accept it,” Swannell said.

‘She had no self-pity, although there was a sense of injustice about the way women who had survived primary breast cancer were being treated by the health care system. She led all the difficult conversations with the family and her sense of injustice dictated what she wanted to do with the months she had left.’

He describes death as ‘truly beautiful’.

‘She felt completely at ease, at home, surrounded by love, with me and our children, and their partners, holding her hand.

With the help of her husband of 42 years, she raised more than £1 million for their breast cancer charity

Patricia dedicated the rest of her life to ensuring that every woman at every stage of cancer has information

“When she died, we promised her that we would take care of each other as she had taken care of us. When we parted, it was a truly beautiful death. I can’t describe what a blessing that was in our grief and it still is, a year later.”

While planning helped them in the last years of Patricia’s life, Swannell said there were also times when the family struggled.

“I remember the oncologist coming in. He looked at her and said, ‘I have to tell you that it is very likely that you will be off treatment next week. You will probably go into hospice. And the end will come soon,'” he said.

‘We were devastated. But her cancer nurse was absolutely brilliant and picked us up and wiped away our tears.

“It’s not easy at all. And some of it is actually really awful. In particularly dark moments, you sometimes have thoughts that you wish you hadn’t had, like, ‘Would it be better for her and us if this just stopped now?’

‘Those thoughts pass, but you do feel guilty about them and it is very helpful to talk about them openly.’