I wish I never had a baby in my forties with a man who lied about his age and secret children

A woman has expressed regret over having a baby at the age of 40 with the ‘wrong’ man, only to discover he lied about his age and secretly has two children.

The unnamed mother of two took to the British parenting platform Mothernet to say that she “hates society” because it “makes single women feel worthless,” which she says forced her into a relationship with a man she barely knew.

The woman, in her early 40s, said she had been single for 12 years before meeting her current fiancé, 54. He was instantly “amazing” when the two met on a “well-known app.”

The mother – of a teenage boy from a previous relationship and a six-month-old baby with her partner – told how he had deceived her about his real age, the number of children he had fathered and even his credit score, leaving her “completely turned off by men”.

Unable to turn back the clock two years and be ‘single again’, the mother sought advice on the forum. First, she told her wild story.

She wrote: ‘I hate society because it makes single women feel like they are worthless and unworthy of respect, and that having a man is like sitting on a cloud in heaven.

‘I was single for about 12 years with a few short term boyfriends in between. I had been on dates but as a single mother of a teenage boy I tried to be careful but I just couldn’t find the right person.

‘Then I met someone on a well-known app with a paid service and he was completely smitten with my feet. Within the first 10 minutes of our first conversation I told him I had a teenage son and he said he loves kids and it was no problem’.

She went on to describe their “stormy romance,” during which they became engaged, lived together and had a baby two years later.

The woman admitted that she caught him in a few lies in the beginning, but that she ignored the signals. She called it “teething problems.”

‘He lied about his age (he said he was 48 instead of 54), his level in his job (he said he was a chef when he was a sous chef) [and] “How many children he has,” she wrote.

‘[He (told me he had two children when I know he has three and actually suspect he has four)’ she added.

‘[He] made me believe he lived with his kids (when he never lived with them). He is also quite argumentative and I am so laid back and calm, it just doesn’t fit my personality at all’.

She also cited his jealousy and repeated accusations that she “admired other men” as reasons for the failure of their relationship.

Despite all this, she claimed that what broke her heart was her partner’s apparent dislike for her son, after he initially told her he “loved children.”

She revealed: ‘What broke my heart was that he actually didn’t like my teenage son. He would make comments about all sorts of things about my son, about how I think about him too much and give my son more attention than he deserves.

‘When my son sleeps in in the morning, he calls him a “king” (secretly, I paraphrase), even though my son is a kind and attentive person who has not behaved inappropriately towards my partner at all – even if he is just a little shy, because he is a quiet boy’.

And she recently said their hopes of buying a house together were dashed after they discovered his shady financial history.

‘We’re just in the final stages of buying a house together, and the mortgage broker tells me that he’s already taken out a bunch of loans and that it’s very unlikely we’ll get the house we want to buy because he’s so dependent on credit.

“Through all of this, I have slowly but surely become less intimate with him,” she announced.

She also said that when she tried to catch him in his lies, he “manipulated” her and accused her of “twisting his words.”

According to the woman, his true nature and deceit only came to light after she became pregnant, but it seems that at that point she felt the relationship had gone too far.

Despite her choice to stay, she said she took full responsibility for the decision but that she “could no longer love him.”

She wrote: ‘I take responsibility for rushing into this and the “I made my bed and I need to get in it” type advice speaks for itself. No matter how I look at it, I don’t love him anymore.

‘I’m trying to persevere and deal with the decision I made to start a relationship with him and have a child with him, but I’m running out of tactics and strategies.

“I’ve been a single mother before and I could do it again, but I know he’ll fight back and not just leave. I’m unhappy and although I love my son very much, I sometimes wish I could be single again. He’s basically put me off men.”

She then asked for advice on how to deal with her partner for the next 15 years and whether it wouldn’t be better to simply end the relationship.

“Of course you’ll leave him. Immediately. How can you think otherwise?” someone said.

One user called her partner “horrible,” writing, “Even without all the lies and gaslighting you could leave him. But he sounds awful. Life is too short to give the man any more of it. Seriously. This is not a dress rehearsal.”

Another chided her for blaming society, saying, “Your little rant about ‘society’ is bullshit and completely irrelevant. Society did not force you into a relationship. Take charge of your own life.”

Meanwhile, someone else wrote: ‘You know what’s more hated than single mothers? Women who stay with men who are horrible to their other children.

“You’ve clearly made some bad choices, now start making good choices and leave this lying fool alone. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your oldest who deserves much better than this mess.”