As pathetic Kamala cowers behind emotional-support dog Tim Walz in her soft-touch CNN interview, KENNEDY reveals the FIVE fatal questions the liberal network won’t dare ask…

President-elect Harris has bravely agreed to a long-awaited interview with CNN’s Dana Bash.

Of course, the pre-recorded conversation, which airs Thursday night, will be buried over Labor Day weekend, as Americans seek out the late summer sunshine and are notorious for don’t do watching television.

But our vice president is fearless and strong!

And she won’t be alone: ​​the former prosecutor will have the emotional support of llama Tim Walz, who will serve as a human shield. He’ll hold her hand and presumably change the subject if a nasty case of laughter breaks out.

I hear CNN has already scheduled Dame Dana for an MRI of her shoulder, as she is expected to throw a lot of softballs.

But hey, she moderated the infamous debate in June that eventually led to Comatose Joe Bash-ed. Maybe this really is hostile territory. Let’s hope military man Tim Walz brings his guns…

Here are my five burning questions for our policy-less boss (I’ll eat my camouflage trucker hat if they actually get answered!):

1. How did the coup in the White House go? Real valleys?

Like any serious killer (look away, RFK Jr.), I’m desperate for the timeline.

When did you know Sleepy was in a steep decline? Were you aware of the plot, or did Nasty Pelosi and the Obamas want an open convention?

Who ran the country? And now you have to change your triumphant slogan from ‘We did it, Joe’ to ‘I did it without any skill of my own’?

2. Do you understand economics, idiot?

It’s great that you finally admitted that Bidenomics has failed and that groceries, rent and other expenses are bulging like Doug Emhoff’s belly.

But you’ve also touted your administration as a huge success, and somehow blamed record inflation and limited wage growth on Donald Trump. So what is it?

And while you’re at it, could you explain how printing $25,000 for every new home buyer won’t catapult us into a crash that will make 2007 look like Coachella?

3. What to do in case of Afghan amnesia?

Three years ago, you bragged to Dana Bash that you were the “last person in the room” when Biden made the catastrophic decision to withdraw from Afghanistan, which led to our global humiliation and left 13 American service members dead.

Many advisors warned against it, but the two of you, being moody, quickly got to work on it.

Are you still proud of that deadly decision?

4. Is the party over?

A campaign built on the shaky foundation of forced “joy,” “vibes” and memes about a British pop star can only weather the Trumpquake for a short time.

Even the brave New York Times has columns devoted to people who claim that your policy-free peacocking is thinner than a skinny pantsuit.

Kamala’s ‘fake’ essay argument.

Does the sugar rush lead to a Krash?

5. How will Tim get out of this?

From stolen military exploits to spinning fertility stories suggesting his wife Gwen had undergone IVF (their reproductive reality is far less dramatic), and now lying about an award he never received from the Nebraska Chamber of Commerce, why is Tim Walz apparently so allergic to the truth?

If he’s the “last person in the room” when President Giggles makes her worst decision, God knows what will happen!

Noah’s bravery

Freed Israeli hostage Noa Argamani was trolled online for hosting a “Return to Life” dance party while her boyfriend was still held captive by Hamas.

What is this poor girl to do? Lock herself in a dark room and waste away?

Her mother died of brain cancer just days after her release from Gaza, her boyfriend is MIA, and dancing clearly irritates this terrorist troglodyte. So I say dance away, sister!

Quick praise

This should be Taylor’s millennium, not Brat summer!

Taylor Swift squeezed out a compliment for rising superstar Charli XCX through her teeth, telling New York mag, “I’ve been blown away by Charli’s melodic sensibilities since I first heard ‘Stay Away’ in 2011. Her writing is surreal and inventive, always. She just takes a song to places you wouldn’t expect, and she’s been doing it consistently for a decade.”

Let me translate: ‘Charli is getting old. Her music is always weird and annoying. She’s been trying to make it for so long, it’s embarrassing.’

Ben gets his kicks

The latest twist in the Bennifer Breakup Blockbuster: scarlet-haired naive actor Kick Kennedy (whose name makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it).

She is the eldest daughter of RFK Jr., but is almost twenty years younger than the soon-to-be ex-ex Mr. Lopez.

According to reports, Kick and Affleck only “spend time together.” Her friends insist that she doesn’t want to be seen as her “mistress.”

Look, honey, when you go to bed with a man and his wife barely has one stiletto out the door, that’s how people often see it!

Be a man, Doug!

Dumpy Doug Emhoff has been dubbed a “modern sex symbol” by Washington Post columnist Catherine Rampell because he’s “sure enough of his own masculinity to sometimes prioritize his wife’s ambitions.” about his own.

Would it hurt these beta-sneaky types to admit that we women actually like a little gristle in our man-flesh?

That bump

Margot Robbie showed off her Barbie belly by airing her pregnant belly in sunny Sardinia this week.

Why Are so many famous women suddenly showing their pregnant bellies?

Maybe it’s a joke towards the A-listers who choose surrogacy to save their slim figures.

Horror story

What’s wrong with Ryan Murphy?

In 2022, the ‘American Horror Story’ writer subjected us to a pornified retelling of the gruesome Jeffrey Dahmer murders. Now, he’s promising what looks like an incestual twist on the Menendez brothers’ murder case.

For those who don’t know, the boys were jailed in 1996 for the double murder of their parents, after what they say were years of sexual abuse by their father.

In the trailer for this latest, chilling season, we see the bloodied, shirtless brothers suggestively embrace as a gunshot rings out.

If Murphy is wondering which lunatic to choose as his next subject, he might turn the camera around.