Why we really prefer younger men! Midlife women who are dating people in their twenties tell TRACEY COX why they’re happy to be labelled cougars as ‘the sex is fantastic’ and ‘they don’t moan’

By James On Aug 21, 2024

Ask any woman over 40 on a dating app and she will confirm this.

A decent looking middle-aged woman can seduce a handsome man in his 20s or 30s… but not an out-of-shape, bald, beer-drunk 56-year-old with aches and pains.

That guy still meets the “under 40” threshold when it comes to women he wants to meet, and he’s oddly confident that he’ll be attractive to this demographic.

That’s one reason why many middle-aged women discover the joys of dating someone much younger than them – and there are many more.

Two in five women on dating app Feeld are now open to meeting members who are 15 or younger than them.

U.S. Census data shows that the percentage of marriages between older women and younger men has increased over the past two decades: 14 percent of marriages of women over 50 were to a partner at least five years younger.

Not only do women find it easier to date younger men, they are also happier when they do. A US study of 300 women found that women with partners who are at least ten years younger are happier than women with partners their own age or older.

Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) spoke to middle-aged women who are choosing to date younger men over their own peers

All praise to Sienna

We can thank celebrities for banishing derogatory terms like “cougar” and “cradle-snatcher” – used for women who dated younger men, but never the other way around.

Cher is into it—she’s dating a 38-year-old at 78—but she always has been. (Good for her!) It’s when respected actresses like Sienna Miller have a child with a partner 15 years younger that the taboo is challenged.

Sienna said in a recent magazine interview that younger men have more respect for women because they grew up on a slightly more level playing field.

Guess what? She’s right.

Actress Sienna Miller (left), 42, is in a relationship with actor Oli Green (right), 27

It takes a certain type

Not all young men are open to a relationship with an older woman: they are often confident, mature and self-assured enough to make unconventional choices.

By the way, it is not just any woman who fits into this situation.

The type of woman who tends to date a younger man is usually better looking than average. Let’s be brutally honest here: looks are almost always the first attraction. These women don’t necessarily look younger than their age, but they do have a lot of sex appeal.

I interviewed a large number of women (aged 46 to 61) who had been in a relationship with a man at least ten years younger, to hear about their experiences.

This is what I discovered.

‘I thought I would feel insecure being naked, but he made me feel like the sexiest woman in the world’

Nicole, 51, has been in relationships with men younger than her for more than six years.

“When people ask why I don’t date men my own age, the answer is: because they don’t want to date me!”

‘Any woman over 45 will share my frustration with how older men behave on dating apps. Well, the feeling is mutual now that I’ve gotten younger. It’s a completely different experience – and a much more positive one.

‘The first young man I dated was also the only decent man who responded to my profile.

‘At first I thought it was a joke – why would a man so young and handsome want to date me? We agreed to meet and I was convinced that he would either not show up or run away if he saw me in person. He did neither. We had a great night and there was no pressure to have sex at the end.

‘I asked why he chose me over a younger woman, and he said he was tired of their “drama and insecurities.” Part of me got angry, because I knew I was guilty of both in my 20s, but it made me realize how confident I was now compared to then. I saw the appeal of a woman who wasn’t clingy or wanted commitment.

A 51-year-old woman told Tracey Cox that sex with her younger lover was ‘amazing’ (stock photo)

‘We had sex after date three (yes, that old rule stuck!) and it was amazing. I thought I would feel insecure, but I didn’t. He made me feel like the sexiest woman alive.

‘The oral sex he gave me was the best I’ve ever had. I couldn’t get enough of him and we were seeing each other for four months. After that it was over: we still text, but I don’t want a serious relationship, just a bit of fun.

Since then I’ve dated three other younger men and each time it’s been an enjoyable, ego-boosting experience.

‘I don’t raise too many eyebrows when I do what I do, although I did get some resistance at first from my daughter, who is 24. She thought it was a bit funny that I was dating men who weren’t much older than her. But now that she knows I’m not going to marry one and lets her call him ‘daddy’, she finds it liberating.

“My mom wishes she could do it again, so she could do the same thing. And my dad says men have been doing it for years, so why shouldn’t women?”

“My married friends are extremely jealous and want all the intimate details. I don’t think I’ll settle down with a much younger man, but who knows? Never say never.”

Younger men are more attractive because…

They look amazing

Let’s first acknowledge the less woke but obvious appeal, shall we? Youth is physically attractive. Young men are energetic, more muscular, and have penises that can stand up to attention in seconds.

But while this is definitely a plus, most of the women I spoke to said the following quality appeals to them the most…

Data from popular dating app Feeld shows that two in five women are now open to meeting members who are 15 years (or more) younger than them (stock image)

They have a more positive attitude towards life

World-weary, depressed over not having achieved what he had hoped for, feeling undervalued and judged by a woke world he doesn’t fully understand… The label ‘grumpy old man’ fits many older men.

This Is Why I Love Older Women (Because Younger Men Date Them)

This is what younger men told me when I asked them what they liked about dating older women.

“They’re not hanging around waiting for a man to fill their life. You don’t become her life, you become part of her life. There’s more freedom to be your own person.”

‘Of course older women are better in bed. They are less inhibited, more willing to try new things and – ironically – less concerned about their bodies than younger girls. They are more accepting of their flaws.’

“My girlfriend is 12 years older than me and it shows in all the right ways. She challenges me intellectually, she offers a different perspective on life and she is wise. It’s a lot more interesting than watching a young girl scrolling through Instagram non-stop.”

“There’s no pressure to settle down and have a baby because she’s already done that. The focus is on fun and sex, not commitment.”

“Young women are obsessed with their appearance and weight. It’s exhausting to have to constantly reassure them. Older women feel more comfortable in their own skin.”

“The sex is fantastic. Older women know what they are doing, they don’t overdo it when things go wrong, they take charge. They are also not afraid to make the first move. They pick you up instead of the other way around.”

Younger men are less blasé. They are more fun, more spontaneous, more curious about the world, and more exciting. Their energy and enthusiasm for life is both refreshing and invigorating.

The sex is better

Many middle-aged women experience a renewed sense of sexual freedom and confidence.

They are more likely to take charge and become the sexual aggressor than a younger woman – and less likely to sit back and let him do all the work. It is almost always good news when the woman takes control, because we are less focused on the sex.

Sex is more about giving each other pleasure and enjoying the experience – the only real way to ensure you both have an orgasm is during partnered sex.

Young men have grown up with the “she comes first” mantra, they know about the orgasm gap, what a clitoris is, where to find it, how to stimulate it. In short, they are more sexually skilled. The more a man knows about a woman’s sexual response system, the better he will be as a lover.

They grew up in a more female-friendly, enlightened era

Not only is the sexual message better, young men are less sexist. Their mothers consistently worked just as well as their fathers; she may even have earned more than he did.

Today’s young men are growing up with terms like “emotional intelligence” and “self-care.” Men in their 50s may be oblivious to these concepts. They’re less likely to have worked on themselves; they’re less open to new ways of thinking.

The older women I spoke to said that the younger men they dated had an emotional intelligence and maturity not seen in men their own age.

They are not stuck in their habits

Dating a younger man often means being exposed to new ideas, trends and perspectives. They are more flexible in their views and less set in their ways. Life is infinitely more interesting than living with a “It’s Thursday, so it has to be eggs and chips” guy.

There is less emotional baggage

Fewer scars from previous relationships means a less cynical outlook on life. And that’s not to mention a healthier bank account that hasn’t been decimated by divorce settlements.

Who would YOU rather date? The one who thinks all women are “crazy bitches” or the one who loves women?

Visit traceycox.com for Tracey’s product lines, Supersex and Edge (available from lovehoney), her weekly podcast, blog and books.