What it’s really like to have a very well-endowed partner: Women tell TRACEY COX how they ‘dread’ ‘extremely uncomfortable’ sex – but some insist its all about ‘finding the right match’

Have all those Olympic abs left you craving a better endowment from your partner?

Be careful what you wish for.

When I asked women what it’s like to date or be married to a man with a large penis, the responses were mixed, but the point was clear.

Women in porn may crave huge penises, but the average woman finds it off-putting.

Before I share their personal experiences, I have to say that penis size is not something men have control over. The size of his penis also does not predict what kind of lover a man will be.

Consideration is always more important than size, as you will discover…

“I really like him, but I’m ending the relationship. He’s just too big. I dread having sex with him.”

Karina, 41, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for four months.

‘Women always say, “Oh, how lucky!” when I tell them my boyfriend’s penis is really big. But that’s not true! Women think they’d love a big penis, but when it comes down to it, I’m not sure any of these women have ever had sex with a man who has one. They’d change their minds pretty quickly.

‘My partner has an erection of about eight inches. That’s a lot, but it’s the thickness of his penis that makes sex unbearable.

“He warned me that his penis was big, but when I first saw him, my eyes were like saucers. He wasn’t even hard. My overwhelming feeling was panic, not excitement.

“I really like him, but I’m about to end the relationship because I hate sex with him. Our sex is so charged! He’s afraid of hurting me and he often loses his erection because he gets anxious.

“The only way to get him in me is to push him in a little bit when he’s at half mast. The problem is that gets him excited and hard, so half the time that doesn’t work either.

‘We often avoid penetration now because it’s easier. Handjobs are the most stress-free. Oral sex is okay – I have a big mouth and he’s also fine with just licking it instead of me taking it all in my mouth.

“He’s good at giving oral sex and I’d be happy if we stayed together and had sex like this. But he’s not happy about saying goodbye to intercourse. I don’t really blame him, but it will mean saying goodbye to me.”

“A lot of it is genetics. The trick is finding the right match for you.”

Sara is 32 and has been married for two years. This is her second marriage.

“My husband’s penis is 9.5 inches long with a girth of 6.6 inches. He also has large testicles. He says he has never seen a woman look at his penis without being amazed.

‘He doesn’t mean it as a brag: he’s shy rather than arrogant (sorry, I couldn’t resist). We had sex about four dates into our relationship, but I could feel it through his jeans and was turned on by the thought of having him inside me.

“I think a lot of it is genetic. Some men have big penises, some women have deep vaginas. The trick is finding each other. It helps that I’ve given birth, that definitely makes you bigger.

“I can only come when I feel completely filled: I need deep penetration or have to put my legs practically behind my ears to feel anything. It’s an individual thing and big suits me.

“A baby comes out of your vagina, so it’s perfectly capable of accommodating a very large penis. You just have to be patient and have good relaxation skills.

‘I go on top because I can control how deep he goes and how fast – fast and deep thrusting doesn’t work with a big guy. I tell him to stop if he goes too far – I’m not superhuman! It can hurt if he hits the wrong spot. You need good communication to make it work.

‘Anal sex would be a challenge, but neither of us are into that, so that’s okay. I’ve never had oral sex and don’t understand women who say they prefer it to penetration. He’s also not really into BJs – which is good news because I’m not sure I could do that well, considering how big he is!’

“He thought having a big penis was all that mattered because he grew up with men who were jealous when he urinated in public.”

Aisha, 25, regrets her relationship with her ex because sex was too painful.

‘If there’s one myth that’s true about men with large penises, it’s that they don’t bother to develop other skills as lovers. The skills that are important to women – being able to bring us to orgasm with their fingers and/or tongue.

‘My ex did the obligatory foreplay because he had to: I couldn’t accept him without him massaging me first. But it was obvious that he expected the mere sight of his hard cock to turn him on: the anticipation of having it inside me should have been enough.

‘He stood in front of me, one hand around it, waiting for me to admire him. He was a nice guy otherwise, but really narcissistic when it came to his penis.

‘He grew up with boys who were jealous when he urinated in public. Once he even said, “Climb aboard, honey!”

‘At best, sex was extremely uncomfortable, at worst, painful. It lasted so long that it hit my cervix, which was incredibly painful. You can only do certain positions – mainly missionary, with your legs closed – because everything else is either impossible or too painful.

‘I begged him not to hit me too hard or I would tear and bleed, but sometimes he couldn’t help it.

‘It wasn’t just the intercourse that was difficult, oral sex was a nightmare. I have a small mouth and even when I opened it as wide as I could, I couldn’t get it in. When I did – once – I gagged. It was horrible.

‘We probably would have broken up anyway because we weren’t really compatible, but believe me, I was shaking my heels in joy at the thought of never seeing that penis again.

“I’m with a man now who is on the smaller side. It’s fantastic. I enjoy giving him oral sex, intercourse is a pleasure and he’s an attentive lover. I know the size of the penis is no one’s fault, but how you use that thing is in your control.”

Tracey’s two product ranges – Tracey Cox Supersex and Edge – are available through Lovehoney. Find details of her books, podcast and blog at traceycox.com.