My sister secretly dated my ex and now they’re getting married – but I REFUSE to go to the wedding

A woman wonders if she is wrong for refusing to attend her sister’s wedding when she learns that her sibling is marrying her ex-boyfriend, whom she broke up with only a year ago.

“Am I the asshole for refusing to go to my sister’s wedding when she was secretly dating my ex fiancé and engaged to her?” the 28-year-old woman captioned a post asking for feedback on the infamous Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole.

She explained that she had been together with her ex-fiancé, whom she called Mike, for five years and had been engaged for two years.

They were supposed to tie the knot last summer, but a few months before the wedding day she discovered he was cheating on her.

“It was horrible and I immediately called off the wedding,” she wrote.

Shortly after that, Mike moved and she thought, ‘This was the end.’

“I was sad, but I slowly started to move on with my life,” she described.

But last month, the woman received a call from her 25-year-old younger sister, named Lily, who said she had “exciting news” and asked her to come over to her parents’ house for dinner to tell them the news.

“When I got there, Lily and my parents were all excited, and she dropped the bombshell: She’s engaged. To Mike,” the woman continued.

“My head was spinning. I felt like I was going to faint,” she recalls.

Apparently, Lily and Mike had been secretly dating for the past year and recently got engaged.

Her parents had known about it for months, but decided to keep it a secret to “protect my feelings,” the woman added.

“They really thought I would be happy for them in the end,” she said of her parents.

“Lily tried to justify it by saying that she and Mike fell in love after our breakup and that their relationship was meant to be,” the woman said of her sister’s excuse.

The sister further stated that they only started dating after the woman broke up with Mike.

Yet the woman understandably felt ‘betrayed on so many levels’.

She continued: ‘I told them I wanted nothing to do with their wedding and stormed off.

Since then I have been bombarded with phone calls and messages from my parents and Lily, calling me selfish and saying I am overreacting.

“They say that true love is rare and that I should support Lily’s happiness.”

“The wedding is in a few months and the pressure is on,” she continued.

My parents even threatened to cancel my financial obligations if I didn’t come.

‘Some friends think I should go to keep the peace and show that I’m over it, while others are shocked and say I have every right to be angry and stay away.

Worse yet, Lily is now asking the woman to be her best man, claiming she wants to repair our relationship.

“This request has torn me in two. I don’t want to further ruin our family dynamic, but I can’t shake the pain and betrayal I feel.”

The post ended with, “So, are you AITA because you refused to attend my sister’s wedding after she secretly dated my ex-fiance and got engaged to him?”

Other Reddit users responded with thousands of comments, overwhelmingly agreeing that the woman NTA (short for ‘Not The A**hole’) did not want to attend the wedding.

The most upvoted comment was: ‘I find it astonishing that all the adults in this situation would blindly accept all of this and pressure you to do the same… that’s WILD.’

The commenter added: ‘Your sister and parents REALLY let you down, and they’re digging themselves even deeper into the hole by demanding that you respond in a certain way and threatening and forcing you to comply. Yuck.’

A second commenter analyzed the situation this way: “Let’s look at this again. Mike cheated on you and broke your heart ([presumably] with someone else, since Lily says they didn’t start dating until after your breakup).

‘Now that same cheater is with your sister and they, including your parents, have been hiding this fact from you. Now they drop this bomb on you, call you heartless for not believing in their “true love” and Lily even dares to ask you to be her bridesmaid?

“If Mike cheats once, he’ll cheat again. I can see that,” they predicted, and they also advised the woman to have no contact with her immediate family.

A third chimed in: ‘NTA. Of course you can’t control them getting together. They started dating after your relationship ended. If your sister is in love with your sloppy seconds and a known cheater. All the best to her. I think deep down you’ll work through the truth of that and maintain your relationship with your sister.

‘BUT you NEED time to process this… Dropping the bomb on you two months before the wedding. Expecting you to just get over your feelings and be a part of the wedding party is a LOT to ask in this situation.

“Your parents AND sister made a terrible mistake by not telling you about this sooner and not giving you time to process your feelings,” they reasoned.

And as a fourth put it: ‘Oh my god it’s so fucked up that she’s marrying your ex who cheated on you. The fact that they were secretly dating makes me think she was the other woman.

“I don’t blame you for not going. I’m sorry this happened. Your parents are wrong too. But your sister is the worst.”