Tana Ramsay admits she ‘still suffers with so much guilt’ after her 2016 miscarriage and says Oscar, 5, asks about ‘his brother in the sky’

Tana Ramsay has admitted she still feels ‘tremendous guilt’ following her miscarriage.

The 49-year-old wife of 56-year-old chef Gordon suffered a miscarriage in 2016 at 20 weeks of pregnancy, after which the couple later had sons: five-year-old Oscar and eight-month-old Jesse.

Tana explained how Oscar asks about “his brother in the sky” and candidly shared that she and Gordon will “never get over” the tragedy.

Seven years later, she revealed that she still sometimes wonders if she ‘could have done something differently’

In conversation with hosts Lorraine Candy and Trish Halpin about the Midlife Postcards podcast, Tana said, ‘I still have so much guilt. Should I, should I have known something? Should I have done something differently?’

“It’s one of those things where sometimes you’re completely fine for days and you can justify it.”

The 49-year-old wife of 56-year-old chef Gordon suffered a miscarriage in 2016 at 20 weeks, before the couple later welcomed Oscar (5) and Jesse (8 months).

She continued: ‘Other days, for some reason, like being overtired or something else triggering me, I might have a day where I just feel really emotional.

“You don’t expect to hold a baby knowing that they won’t last longer than an hour. That will always be something that I will never, ever get over.”

The couple, who also share Megan (26) with twins Holly and Jack (24) and Tilly (22), welcomed Oscar in 2019 and baby Jesse in November last year.

“Even Oscar now talks about Rocky, his brother in heaven or his star. And he comes up with things like, ‘I really don’t like him being there. Why can’t he just come here?'” she said.

Tana added: ‘One of the hardest moments was actually after I had Oscar, and he must have been about three weeks old. And I had a day where I felt so emotional. I think it was the guilt of thinking I didn’t feel enough for Rocky because I was so excited about having a new baby.

‘And that threw me off. I remember Gordon saying to me, ‘You would feel that way now, because we live in such a bubble.’

“And then you think, I felt unfair that I hadn’t thought enough or was sad. You never know what’s around the corner with sadness, and we’ve never had anything like this before.”

Last year, Gordon reflected on the tragic loss of his son Rocky and admitted that it “very hard,” but said the loss brought his family “closer together.”

Tana explained how Oscar asks about ‘his brother in the sky’ and spoke candidly about how she and Gordon will ‘never get over’ the tragedy

The couple, who also share Megan, 26, twins Holly and Jack, 24, and Tilly, 22, welcomed Oscar in 2019 and baby Jesse in November last year

Tana explained that Rocky was born with a “strong heartbeat” but was “too small to survive.” She paid tribute to him on the seventh anniversary of his death.

Gordon explained that the family honoured Rocky by naming their home in Cornwall after him and that they all own jewellery with his name engraved on it.

In an interview with PeopleGordon said: ‘Losing Rocky was really hard. And then being there and seeing the trauma unfold, that’s a life-changing moment…

‘A: I was grateful that we were there together. B: Tana always had trouble with her blood values ​​and so there was always a problem getting those blood values ​​exactly right.

‘There was a great celebration that she was pregnant and that everything was going well.

“And all of a sudden it just changes within 24 hours. So I think it’s brought the whole family closer together, Jack still has the little dog tag with Rocky.

‘And we’ve got these little, incredible pieces of jewelry together that connect us.

‘And then the film and then Rocky Bay House in Cornwall… And it’s difficult because we would never have had Oscar if we hadn’t had Rocky, and so there was no replacement, far from it.

“But it just brought us a bond that you would never experience in a normal situation, and that was incredible.”

In July 2023, Tana celebrated seven years since she lost Rocky in a reflective Instagram post, sharing a photo of her daughter Holly’s tattoo that she got in memory of her late brother

In July 2023, Tana celebrated the seventh anniversary of Rocky’s loss in a reflective Instagram post. She shared a snapshot of her daughter Holly’s tattoo, which she had gotten in memory of her late brother, as well as a family snapshot taken just days before their tragic loss.

She wrote: ‘A happy photo of us celebrating this [daughter] Megan was 18 and I was just under 20 weeks pregnant.

“Little did we know that a few days later I would be holding our little boy Rocky in my arms. He was born with a strong heartbeat, but too small to survive.”

“Even though it’s been 7 years today, it still feels like yesterday. We all miss you every day. We love you Rocky, forever in our hearts. I couldn’t do this without my family, you are everything to me.”